Today I have a guest post from Sanja, a person dear to my heart, but who I see far too rarely.
It was originally published in ‘The Budapest Times’ and we would both love this story to reach as many people as possible – so if you enjoy it, please pass it on, recommend it, Stumble it, Digg it or whatever’s your favourite poison.
Over to you Sanja ……
I told this story to my colleagues recently after many years, and it left quite an impression. I was advised to put it in writing and try to spread the word, in this moment of economic crisis, on voting against any crazy politics in the world and inviting ordinary people to think bigger.
Place: Budapest, Hungary
Setting: Colleagues gathered for Friday drinks.
A diverse bunch from the UK, Australia, New Zealand, South America, Hungary and Serbia. All unwinding at the end of another week in a small, cheapish, Budapest watering hole. It is January, 2009 and the global financial crisis has naturally, crept into the conversation, inspiring many anecdotes and much speculation. As expected, the only thing they could all agree on was to disagree about what the future held, so the conversation moved more to trying to work out where we may be going, based on what we had personally seen in the past.
Sanja from Serbia, a generally enthusiastic and positive person, tentatively said: “I am just worried that there might be another war, it feels almost déja vu for me. First comes economic instability, and then national emotions get stirred up and then it’s so easy to manipulate people against each other, especially when they feel poor and scared.”
Kevin, from New Zealand, vehemently dismissed such thoughts with the response: “No way that this can happen, people are not crazy, it doesn’t make sense…”
But Sanja was already thinking back to many years ago when she had heard exactly the same thing. With eyes fixed to the corner above the bar, she began to tell what she remembered:
“It just reminds me so much of a story from 1991 when my country was still Yugoslavia and when I was a 16-year-old kid. It was summer and, as I had been doing for many years, I was camping in a small camp-site on the coast of Montenegro with my family.
Throughout the whole year my sister and I would be eagerly looking forward to the coast and getting together with our usual gang. We had a big, cool crew of kids of similar age from different Yugoslav cities, though mostly from Bosnia and Serbia. We had so many stories that connected us over the years, funny stories, adventurous stories, love stories… we couldn’t get enough of each other. During the year we would exchange letters, calls and visits.
And finally it was again summer, and we were together, careless and happy. One night we were laying on the beach, each with their list of wishes written down on a piece of paper waiting for a decent meteor shower. We were all excited, staring at the sky, ready to tick off the wishes from our list as soon as the falling stars started to appear. The night sky by the coast was beautifully clear and we were seeing so many shooting stars we had to agree to concentrate and have wishes ready so that we didn’t waste a star… We were quiet. All you could hear was the sound of crickets, some far away conversations and music from a radio.
The music was then interrupted by an announcement.
The war in Yugoslavia had started. There was a serious incident in Croatia.
We sat up one by one, slowly, confused, looking at each other, not saying anything, trying to make sense of what we had heard. It did not make sense… wait, what were we supposed to do? Then… and only then… I stared thinking of who was who.
Davor – was he Croatian?
Adnan, he must be a Muslim!
My sister and I are Serbian … and so on.
And what does it mean now? Are we on different sides? And then someone said: “This is crazy, it will not spread, and it cannot happen in Bosnia. We come from mixed families, there are Muslims, Croats and Serbs living on the same floor of the same building, we celebrate Christmas and Ramadan together. People are not crazy, it does not make sense!”
Soon, the war spread to Bosnia and it was the bloodiest of all, probably because there was no sense to it. We, the crew from the beach, ended up on different sides, still caring for each other, calling each other and checking if everyone was alive and if their families were OK. Those conversations tended to keep to safe, superficial topics – “How are you?”, “OK, and you?” – not going deeper, or crossing the invisible line after which you knew you could have debated who was right, what was really happening and would then be forced to face suppressed anger, guilt, accusations and mainly confusion.
When I heard that Adnan’s father was shot because he kept a stock of guns and ammunition in the house, the same house we had eaten baklava in the summer before, when my family and I stopped on the way back from the coast, I stopped calling. Those conversations were pointless from then on. They did not make sense any more, nothing did.”
Kevin from New Zealand, who had dismissed the idea of unrest as crazy, was quiet for few seconds. Then he quietly asked Sanja to write down this story.
And she did.
Sanja Kovandzic
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I’m also from NZ and this kind of thing reminds me of how lucky I am because war really is a foreign concept to me, it’s something I see on TV but don’t really have to worry about ever experiencing for myself, even though previous generations of NZers have fought in the world wars.
War is crazy, as it always reflects a failure to communicate. But while it is crazy, it is also normal. War is rooted in hatred, and you can’t fight hatred with more hatred. It’s like the song goes, “Only Love Can Save The World”.
War will always exist, but maybe one day, we can all work together to make it a minor event, that doesn’t happen within leaders of the free world, but rather amongst smaller tribes who have shunned those who have embraced love and tolerance.
I live in Canada and, similar to that fellow from New Zealand, I have never lived in an environment where my ‘antennae’ would be attuned to oncoming violent unrest. I am very thankful for this but hope that, in the future, we all become more sensitive to the plight of others.
JULIAN – I’m very grateful that I’ve also lived all my life free from war or even immediate threat of war (though the Cold War in Europe was not a bundle of laughs!). It is easy to get complacent and think ‘it can’t happen here’ …
TREY – I join you in a positive vision of the future where we can sideline war as something rare or non-existent. Not sure I agree that war is ‘normal’. I think we’ve got used to it, so in a sense we (as a species) have ‘normalised’ it … There’s very little evidence of war (or even much killing each other) before 10,000 years ago and in the scale of human existence on the planet that’s a very small period of time. I’m sure there are many reasons why we started – but it’s not because its ‘normal’ or part of our nature.
FLUFFY – As Sanja points out in her article, the seeds of potential conflict are planted early on and, in the case of her country, were partly the result of economic troubles and the population allowing nationalism to become a dominant force. I imagine it was far more complex than that … but in these times of economic crisis we shouldn’t be surprised if some people try to use the fear and uncertainty to follow their own power ambitions. But they can only take power if we – all of us – give it to them.
To know people who have gone to Croatia and Bosnia as part of their recent honeymoon offers new insight into the here and now. The beauty of the countryside and the warmth of the good-hearted people is what endures. Teaching hatred is not the answer. Compassion is.
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Ian’s reply:
I’ve also visited Croatia, Slovenia and Serbia, have wonderful friends in several Balkan countries (which as you say is full of incredible beauty) and just adore this part of the world. This makes it even tougher to imagine what kind of hatred can drive people to wage war. I agree that teaching compassion over hatred and nonviolence over violence is the answer. I hope I manage to make some contribution with this blog.
Correct me if I am wrong but from the information I dug up before about wars.
They are usually started by rumour and are done for monetary reasons. Such as the bankers finance both sides of the war, and make money from it.
I mean like right now, is it any of USA business to be in Iraq?
That is like me going to your house and ordering you out of your house, by point a gun in your face. And then taking your house.
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Ian’s reply:
I like that analogy! For sure, the people who actually benefit from wars are those who finance it, supply the weapons and then get the reconstruction contracts. Sometimes the politicians might gain due to the upsurge of nationalist sentiment. It is never the average citizen going about their day to lives that start wars … and it is always the average citizen who pays the price with their lives and their livelihood.
Hi all
Thank you very much for your comments! Ian special thanks for putting the story on this important virtual place!
What I wish we, people, can do all the time is try not to judge too quickly, challenge our own conclusions before taking any side and remember that perception is reality and therefore there are soooo many realities in this world and not one of them worth killing or dying for…
And I would absolutely agree – regular people do not need war they do not benefit from it they just take the consequences.
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Ian’s reply:
Thanks Sanja!
Your comment has got me thinking that perhaps there are causes worth dying for – but they only appear when there are people who believe that there are some things worth killing for. So I’m left with the question ‘Is there anything that’s worth killing for?’. I can’t find anything.
I live in another side of the globe – the Philippines. In particular I live in Mindanao – a land so blessed with natural resources and so cursed with a violent environment. War has been around my beloved island for more than 300 years and believe me its not about bankers starting rumours. Its is more about a culture so engrossed with the idea that the only way to settle our differences is thru violence.
I have lost so many friends due to violence and have witnessed it in front of my own eyes. As I have my own child now, I am always thinking of migrating somewhere else where he can grow up in peaceful environment.
Yet, I ask myself will I become part of Mindanao’s problem by turning my back on her? I love this place. This is my home. But, I have a child whom I wish nothing but the best and that tears me up.
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Ian’s reply
I can’t even begin to understand how this must be for you … all I can say is that my heart goes out to you.
“… so engrossed with the idea that the only way to settle our differences is thru violence” is a great summary of how I see many parts of our world. I really hope that those who currently see violence as the only way will learn that there are other ways that are much more fun and creative.