The Miracle Of Birth

My third daughter is due to enter the world early next year and I’m determined to make sure she’s properly welcomed.

As a man I will never experience birth other than as an outside observer. My role in the pregnancy itself was pretty much accomplished back in the Spring. I don’t mean to underplay the emotional or physical support I provide – but frankly speaking, what I do is rather limited compared to the miracle going on inside Mona’s body.

I’m a little hesitant to write about the subject of childbirth – mainly because I’m not, never have been and have no intention of being a woman. There’s already far too much male influence on the predominantly female subject of childbirth and I don’t want to add to it.

But I will.

Pregnancy is not an illness

Our daughter will arrive into the world in a hospital, which is not exactly the place I’d wish for our first contact but the government decided some time ago that they know what’s best. We could choose to ignore the law, but that adds a stress we’d rather do without.

For better or for worse, birth has been taken over by the medical profession – which includes both medical practitioners and pharmaceutical companies.

The better side is that, in the unlikely event that something goes wrong the chances for both mother and baby are improved. They can do amazing things, medically and scientifically speaking. They can test for this or that, reduce pain, remove babies through C-sections and they even have a machine that can photograph our little one at 5 months in the womb. Having these things available is not a ‘bad’ thing, though I do wonder how many procedures are performed just because we can do it, rather than because they are actually necessary.

The female body is designed (among other things) to grow babies and give birth to them. We (mainly men, I suspect!) have decided we know better and believe that with instruments and chemicals we can improve on nature. Somehow I doubt this is true!

Pregnancy is NOT a medical condition and birth is NOT a health threat – except in rare situations. Only when we treat them this way do they become so and we introduce fear and we grab at safety.

I don’t want my baby to be treated as an illness or as the outcome of a medical procedure.

I want her to be welcomed as a beautiful, delicate and unique new person entering the world.

The miracle of birth

The person growing inside Mona is the creation of new life. She, like every other baby, is a miracle. Mona and I are preparing for birth to make sure, as far as possible, we provide the kind of welcome for her that respects and honours this miracle.

1   The place

We can’t avoid hospital (without a lot of unneeded stress) but we can choose which hospital. We’ve decided that, even though we have little money, this is an important use of it. The public provision of maternity care is very far from what we want and they have strict rules and procedures to follow. In the public domain the expectation is, mainly for the convenience of the doctors, that we’ll schedule a C-section, as do the majority of mothers.

We’re using money to buy our freedom to choose where we give birth. And we’ve found a hospital that fully supports our right to choose and is very co-operative in providing a range of options for natural birth.

It’s the best we can do – but it’s still a hospital.

2   The people

We can choose who is present to welcome our daughter – up to a point.

We’re obliged (again the government knows best!) to have a doctor in attendance. Fortunately we’ve found one who is very supportive of our right to choose. He works with a midwife who’s passionate about and very experienced with natural birth, and assuming all goes smoothly, will allow her to support the birth itself. We count ourselves very lucky to have found them.

We’re undecided whether or not I will be present.

I grew up in the UK where it’s now the norm for fathers to be present. In many parts of the world (including here in Romania) it’s uncommon. There are good reasons for both and although I was present for the birth of my other two daughters, I’m considering this as an open question for now. I plan to write another post specifically on this.

The only person who absolutely has to be there is Mona!

3   The welcome

Neither of us subscribe to the view that new born babies are not conscious. We believe, while she may not be able to make sense of the world, she does experience it, and that those first experiences are crucial to her development as a human being. We want the environment in which we give birth to be welcoming and sensitive to her needs over and above the needs of the doctors.

The conventional ‘wisdom’ that babies are not conscious and don’t feel pain has, fortunately, lost a lot of credibility over recent years.

Under this ‘wisdom’ it was conceded that even if they do feel pain, it’s no problem because they won’t remember. Under this ‘wisdom’ surgical procedures were (still are?) performed without anaesthetic. Under this ‘wisdom’ the cries of a new born were considered healthy because it meant they can breathe. Under this ‘wisdom’ sticking in needles and shining a bright light into the eyes of the newborn was ok. Under this ‘wisdom’ virtually no consideration was given to trauma the baby might be experiencing during and immediately after birth.

It wasn’t until the publication in 1974 of Frederick Leboyer’s, ‘Birth without Violence’* that we started to seriously question this conventional ‘wisdom’.

After 35 years it’s still not reached all parts of the medical world.

For the 9 months leading up to birth she’s been in a warm, gravity free place. It’s dark and sounds are muffled and softened. Her mother’s heartbeat and the nutrients flowing through the cord have been a constant connection with her host. She’s been held firmly and safely inside her mother and allowed to grow without even the need to breathe.

At 9 months she’s gradually squeezed out into the world through a narrow opening and greeted by …?

I want her to be greeted by respectful silence, soft light, calmness and warmth. I want her to be placed against Mona’s skin, close to her heartbeat. To be given time to adjust to breathing before the cord is cut. I want her to be subject to the absolute minimum of checks and tests and her body to be kept free of chemicals. I want her delicate skin to be touched only gently.

I want her to get a glimpse, however small it might be, that this world is a wonderful place for her to be.

I want her to know, from that very first moment she arrives, that she’s loved and welcome in this world.

* Even if you have no interest in birth, I highly recommend ‘Birth without Violence’. It is beautiful, sad and wise.

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