I’m often surprised by how small things can be those making the greatest difference to our lives.
A few days ago I saw Jim Carrey’s latest film, ‘Yes Man’ while on a trip to Oxford in the UK. The main character is a compulsive ‘No-man’. 
He says ‘No’ to invitations, to loan applications (he works in a bank which I found ironically topical) and he says ‘No’ to beggars on the street. After a self-help seminar he agrees to become a ‘Yes-man’ and agree to everything instead. Once he starts saying ‘Yes’, his life, of course, turns around and he begins enjoying himself again.
It wasn’t an original or memorable film and I was disturbed in one scene by the behaviour towards a muslim woman. Putting that to one side, I found the central premise of saying ‘YES’ to life very appealing.
The following day I passed a homeless guy selling ‘The Big Issue’. For those who’ve not heard of it, I’ll digress for a moment:
“The Big Issue was set up in 1991 to provide homeless and vulnerably housed people with the opportunity to earn a legitimate income. … Big Issue vendors buy the magazine for £0.70 and sell it for £1.50, keeping the £0.80 per copy.”
Not only is it a very worthy idea, the magazine itself is well written and entertaining. What’s not to like about it?
As I was saying, I passed this guy standing on the cold Oxford street holding copies of the magazine.
“Big Issue, sir?” he asked.
I turned my head to look him in the eye (I like to show respect to everyone) and heard an automatic response leave my lips.
“No, thank you,” and I walked on, quickening my step a little.
A few metres on I stopped in my tracks, Jim Carrey’s face flashing in front of me. Normally I’d be very worried about that but it reminded me that every request I’m offered is a chance to say ‘Yes’. Agreeing to buy the magazine might appear to be only a small opportunity but I can’t see into the future, so I really have no way of knowing. What might appear to be small now may turn into something bigger tomorrow.
I turned round and walked back to the homeless guy who was now hopping from one foot to the other in an attempt to keep warm.
“I changed my mind,” I said, handing over a £2.00 coin, not wanting any change.
“Thank you!” said the young man, clearly delighted. I felt he really meant it.“That’s only the second I’ve sold all day. Many thanks.”
It was a small amount of money for me and I have no idea what that gesture meant for this fellow human being. I don’t know who he was, what he used that money for or why he was on the street. I don’t even know if I made any difference at all to his life.
What I do know is that I felt great. Not about the money or the magazine, but about the shift from ‘No’ to ‘Yes’. My initial ‘No’ was a closing down, a retreat from another human being. It was a rejection of an honest request and I was a little smaller as a result of that ‘No’, and so was the homeless guy.
When I turned it into ‘Yes’ I opened up, I both gave and received. I made a brief connection with another soul and I made a difference. The size of the difference is unimportant because I was a little bigger as a result of that ‘Yes’ … and so was the homeless guy.
Jim – you are always welcome to remind me to say ‘Yes’ to life. Just next time could you whisper in my ear? Your face flashing in front of me is a bit scary!
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Ian,
That we turn away from the less privileged with disdain and dislike is not half as disconcerting to me as the way we respond to and between our own ‘equals’. Lifestyles, especially those in big metros have made us so ‘me, myself and mine’ kind of people that even a smallest entreaty ever receives a spontaneous and stern ‘no’ more often than an yes. As majority of people seem to re-assure themselves that it is the way to be, to live, they normally reconcile to a no even as they begin asking. But even such people will be overwhelmed if an ‘yes’ cam along once in a way, unexpectedly. Two of my colleagues who were in my city had to get back to guest house after a late meeting. They routinely inquired if I had a car. Expecting to be dropped [reluctantly or otherwise] at some close stop, they felt so overwhelmed when I drove them all the way up to the guest house, because they learnt I had taken an almost 180 degree detour.
As you say, its about whether we contend with feeling smaller and smaller or we find the experience of feeling big is rewarding. At least on 7 out of ten instances where I would have said no, I have decided to say yes. The receiver feels gratified contrary to his/her initial perception and I feel good about it. That’s a gain.
I believe saying yes is a very crucial thing in life, fully engage, respond, with the good and with the not-so-good… I am still learning it, there’s still a long road ahead…
Gotta see the movie.
Hi Ian – Saying “Yes” opens us up to so many possibilities that we wouldn’t have otherwise. It allows us to go with the flow of what’s happening around us. You never know what you will get!
Hi Ian,
This is great! And it really shows what a difference such a small change to your vocabulary can do. I’m making this my goal, too – when presented with the opportunity to help – I’m going to work on being more of a “yes” man. Thanks for sharing this story, Ian – I’m inspired by it, very much!
Hey Ian,
I really like this article, I could totally visualise the entire situation!
I often have automated responses to situations, people peddling stuff in shopping malls drive me crazy for instance! not that we need to say yes to every hair brained scheme, but you’ve touched on something else – we shouldn’t always be on autopilot, saying no without thinking things through or giving things a go.
Have a good week Ian.
-Ross
Hi Ian
What a wonderful story. It is amazing how quick we are to say “no” and how much of a difference it makes when we say “yes”. Saying yes can expand our lives greatly.
It makes me think of the saying that it is more likely to be the things you didn’t do, than the things you did, that you will regret.
Juliet
PUSHHYARAG – Isn’t it great to do more than someone expects? Gratitude is such a wonderful feeling it hardly matters if I’m giving it or receiving it.
ROBERT – The road might be long (mine too!) but the scenery is worth the journey.
AMANDA – Exactly! ‘Yes’ opens the door and ‘No’ keeps it firmly shut. I guess we need to use our wisdom to decide which is best for us … and not just make it a blind habit.
LANCE – it means a lot to me to hear that this inspires you. After all the inspiration I get from your writing it’s wonderful for it to be mutual!
ROSS – I know that autopilot well! Mine is in the service of efficiency – but efficiency is rarely the key to a fulfilled life.
JULIET – That speed (the autopilot again) can be quite scary. Thanks for the reminder of the saying!
Thanks for all the comments everyone. I’m a little slow responding right now as I’m on a small island in the North Sea on a Zen/Big Mind retreat with Genpo Roshi. Probably my responses are a bit ‘Zen’ too!
More about that when I return next week! Ian
Ian, you remind your readers that they often underestimae the good they do and also the positive things they can do to enrich the lives of others. I went through a period where I chose not to give money to the homeless because of having observe so many street people buy alcohol with it. As an alternative, when I was working in big cities, I periodically gave away my breakfast or lunch to the homeless. I asked these people first if they had alergies to whatever I had, but I felt the gesture was meaningful and avoided contributing to what I had observed as a problem. People are reminded that they can always do something to help a fellow man. The apparent magnitude of a gesture is irrelevant in comparison to one’s genuine feeling and intention in the heart.