Quantum Learning Rotating Header Image

Posts Tagged ‘Violence’

Sting Of The Scorpion

Jan 19th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
14 comments

Scorpion wants to cross the river so approaches Crocodile to ask for a lift to the other side.

“Scorpion!“, replies Crocodile. “Do you think I’m crazy? I’ll get half way across the river and you’ll stab me with that sting of yours. I’m a crocodile, not an idiot.”

“Oh, Mr. Crocodile!” replies Scorpion. “I’m no idiot either. If I sting you in the middle of the river you’ll sink to the bottom and, as I can’t swim, I’ll surely drown! Now, I think you’ll agree that would be very idiotic of me to kill both of us. And … I promise not to sting you.”

Crocodile thinks about this for a moment, is swayed by the logic in what he hears and agrees to take Scorpion across the river. They set off, Scorpion safely nestled on his back.

In the middle of the river, Scorpion brings out his sting and stabs Crocodile in the neck. Crocodile turns his head to look at Scorpion and with his dying breathe asks,

“Why did you do that? We’re both going to die. It just doesn’t make any sense. And you promised!”

Scorpion shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s not my fault. Hey. I’m a scorpion and that’s what scorpions do.“

I was brought up on a staple diet of happy endings, so when I first heard this ancient fable, I was shocked. How could the scorpion do that? What kind of cruel, dark world does this point to? Are we really trapped by some pre-determined programming – and if so, what is it?

There are many things in this story. Trust, the irrationality of behaviour, the occasional cruelty of life. There’s one area, though, I’m going to focus on here.

Trapped By Our Nature?

The one that strikes me most is how much violence is justified by thinking we’re trapped by some pre-determined programming. At the most obvious level it’s the commonly held belief that we’re by nature violent hunters. I don’t want to tread on worn ground here … but, come on! Just look at our bodies. Where are the vicious claws or the hunter’s teeth?

Even if we were pre-programmed towards violence, rather than peace, it doesn’t mean we have no choice.

We’re not like the scorpion, no matter how comforting it might be to hide behind this. It’s comforting because if we’re fulfilling some pre-formed conditioning then we don’t have to take responsibility for our actions. The scorpion shrugs his shoulders and says, “It’s not my fault. I’m not responsible for stabbing you.”

I’m reminded of those horrific situations where ‘terrorists’ take hostages and issue demands, threatening to harm the captives if they’re not met. It’s usually followed (at least in Hollywood movies) by some comment like, “If you don’t meet our demands, the hostage’s blood will be on your hands. It will be your fault if we kill them.”

The unspoken assumption is , “Hey ! We’re ‘terrorists’ and that’s what ‘terrorists’ do. IT’S NOT OUR FAULT.”

Give me a break!

Our genes and our upbringing no doubt shape us, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility for our lives and our behaviour.

“My mother didn’t love me enough. My father was never around. I went to a bad school,” might work up to the age of sixteen (maybe a bit later for some). As an adult they’re feeble excuses for not making different choices about what we do.

[I know my Mum reads this from time to time, so Mum - these comments are not mine and they're not directed at you or Dad.]

Day to Day Identification

If I’m honest I often unconsciously identify myself with something and then act out from that identification. When I’m unaware then it’s hard to do something about it, difficult to recognise I have a choice.

One reason I’m passionate about self-development is that it helps bring those hidden things into the light. It helps me identify when my scorpion sting is busy wreaking havoc with my life.

When I’m aware, I have more capacity to choose the actions that make life better for myself and those around me. It’s a long and sometimes rocky road and one without a particular destination other than a desire to make a positive contribution to the world.

A couple of examples I noticed over the last years:

  • I’m an introvert – which I use to justify withdrawing from the world, closing down from time to time with even those people closest to me, and avoiding social situations like the plague.

The sting? Depression, loneliness, loss of friendships, lethargy … and it’s confusing, frustrating and worrying for people in my life.

  • I’m a man – which justifies a whole range of ‘manly’ things such as using logic in emotional situations, an almost obsessive desire to fix things and a refusal to ask for directions even when hopelessly lost.

The sting? Trouble dealing with the inherent messiness of life and relating to emotionally charged situations … and again it’s frustrating and disconnecting for others (especially the females in my life).

Noticing these things doesn’t necessarily change what I do but it does make my actions conscious and I’m more likely to manage the fall-out. For example, I still withdraw – but it’s a conscious choice and I can communicate to those around me that I need my space right now rather than mysteriously disappearing.

I take the venom out of the scorpion sting.

I don’t drown and those around me don’t get poisoned.

We all make it safely to other side.

What do you identify with and act out?

What difference would it make to you and others if you did so consciously?

PS I forgot to mention that my star sign is Scorpio. If I ever sting you then please forgive me … it’s just the way I am ;-)

When The Minority Is You

Nov 26th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
4 comments

be_different

What do you do

When democracy’s all through

What do you do

When minority means you?

‘What Do You Do‘ by The Proclaimers (from  ‘Sunshine on Leith‘ -1988)

I was listening to this song the other day. I don’t usually pay much attention to the lyrics, but something about the line ‘What do you do when minority means you?’ caused me to stop and think (yes, it happens from time to time!).

Minority of One

I am a minority of one.

No other human being has the same view of the world, interests or responsibility for my life as I do. Even if I found someone who was similar enough I doubt I would fully trust them to govern any major aspect of my life. That’s my responsibility and I don’t want to put aside some things that are important to me – such as my continued education, my health, the well-being of my family etc..

We are all minorities.

As being a minority can be a lonely experience, we tend to group together in many different ways. We’re each part of communities based around families, schools, churches, interests, work or where we live. Each of those communities is a minority as well.

The only point at which we stop being part of a minority, I suspect, is when the community is so large it encompasses each and every one of us – the community of all the human beings sharing this planet.

Majority Rule

I get the impression at the level of society that the mainstream has settled for our (principally US and European variants) vision of how to organise at society level. Of course it’s a hugely complex thing and living in Europe I’m much more familiar with Western forms of government that are often conveniently lumped together and called ‘Democracy‘.

One of the principles I’ve taken for granted through my whole life is that of ‘majority rule‘ – one of the seemingly unchallenged foundations of democracy. Whenever a group of people has to make a collective decision, in my experience it ends with someone saying ‘Let’s vote.’ Of course, the unspoken assumption is that the majority will get their way and the minority will immediately give up their disagreement and follow the decision.

I’ve been wondering if maybe the root of many conflicts and violence in the world are a direct result of this assumption. After all, whenever a majority forms, there is, by definition, a minority. Aren’t many of the wars in the world a direct result of separation into majority and minority? Minorities fighting to get heard? Majorities resorting to force to get submission of the minority?

Is ‘majority rule’ really the best way we can imagine of making collective decisions?

Learning and Growing

As an individual I’m changing and developing throughout my whole life.

Physically I may start to decline at some point, but how I see the world and operate in it gets better and better as I learn. When things don’t work I make adjustments and when they do, I capture what works and repeat it. Sometimes I go down a path that isn’t serving me and then I might make radical change, but usually the growth is more gradual.

I’ve found that this is not just an unconscious experience but one where I bring things to the surface, explore my experiences to learn from them, to consciously grow and seek improvements.

While the process and the journey are different for all of us, I believe we’re fundamentally built the same way – as learning machines.

I do this as an individual, but …

… Are We Learning As Communities?

Probably, but there are not many signs of it. Reading the media and watching the foreign policies of the powerful nations I would have to conclude that ‘democracy’ and ‘majority rule’ are perceived as the ultimate form of governance. So much so that there’s a desire to export them all over the world.

I don’t have any answers at the level of society – but I’m concerned by the lack of conscious questionning of our ‘systems’ by those who hold power.

There are form of governance that don’t alientate minorities – for example ‘sociocracy‘. But there seems little appetite to introduce these kinds of government that include minorities rather than exclude them.

And it scares me.

After all – we are all minorities.

Celebrity, Sex and Grainy Photos

Oct 7th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
14 comments

On the rare occasions I pick up a newspaper or magazine I feel more and more like a visitor from another planet with each page I turn. This morning I picked up a newspaper laying on the back seat of the taxi I was riding in. I didn’t understand the language, but as they say, ‘a picture says a thousand words’.

5

This page in particular caught my eye – with the headline, ‘Girls, where have you left your knickers?‘

This picture is one of three photos of different women, all in their twenties and apparently local ‘celebrities’. The photographers had somehow managed to point a camera up their skirts to reveal the crotch of each woman. The text claimed that celebrity women were joining Britney Spears and Paris Hilton in an attention seeking trend of not wearing panties while in public.

Apart from the obvious fact that this young lady is, in fact, wearing underwear, it seems to me she’s more concentrated on her mobile phone than on attracting attention. And the graininess of the pictures would indicate the photographer took the picture at a distance with a telephoto lens.

I don’t know whether to be appalled or amused.

Probably both!

It’s Amusing

I’m amused by how stupid the whole thing is. Apparently this is ‘news’ and something the public should know about. She’s not wearing knickers because that’s what the article says – apparently it’s irrelevant what you actually see in the picture.

To be fair to the journalist, the other two women in the article were definitely not wearing anything under their dresses – though I can’t be 100% sure as it’s amazing what they can do with PhotoShop!

I concluded that I’ll have to be careful myself not to meet any ‘celebrities’ in case ‘celebrity’ is contagious. The woman in the picture is the former girlfriend of a footballer – which apparently puts her in the ‘celebrity’ status.

It’s Appalling

I’m appalled by how degrading the whole thing is.

It’s easy to dismiss it as the ravings of a small gutter newspaper with no real influence. But this was in the paper with the highest daily circulation in this country.

How can it conceivably be ‘ok’ to point a camera between someone’s legs without their permission and publish it as being in the public interest? There’s already far too much sexual violence, humiliation and degradation in the world.

This kind of ‘light’ news does influence people. How can it not? It influenced me to write this article – in what ways has it influenced more impressionable and less questioning minds?

It joins the vast number of similar articles and pictures that objectify people in the public eye. More than that it objectifies women and treats the human body as something to snicker at.

It’s not often I feel both appalled and helpless. But I really have no idea how to change this kind of thing.

And it does need to change!

Vered at MomGrind often writes about this kind of thing – it was one of the first blogs I followed as a young man and I can’t recommend it enough.

The Miracle Of Birth

Oct 5th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
13 comments

My third daughter is due to enter the world early next year and I’m determined to make sure she’s properly welcomed.

752195_baby

As a man I will never experience birth other than as an outside observer. My role in the pregnancy itself was pretty much accomplished back in the Spring. I don’t mean to underplay the emotional or physical support I provide – but frankly speaking, what I do is rather limited compared to the miracle going on inside Mona’s body.

I’m a little hesitant to write about the subject of childbirth – mainly because I’m not, never have been and have no intention of being a woman. There’s already far too much male influence on the predominantly female subject of childbirth and I don’t want to add to it.

But I will.

Pregnancy is not an illness

Our daughter will arrive into the world in a hospital, which is not exactly the place I’d wish for our first contact but the government decided some time ago that they know what’s best. We could choose to ignore the law, but that adds a stress we’d rather do without.

For better or for worse, birth has been taken over by the medical profession – which includes both medical practitioners and pharmaceutical companies.

The better side is that, in the unlikely event that something goes wrong the chances for both mother and baby are improved. They can do amazing things, medically and scientifically speaking. They can test for this or that, reduce pain, remove babies through C-sections and they even have a machine that can photograph our little one at 5 months in the womb. Having these things available is not a ‘bad’ thing, though I do wonder how many procedures are performed just because we can do it, rather than because they are actually necessary.

The female body is designed (among other things) to grow babies and give birth to them. We (mainly men, I suspect!) have decided we know better and believe that with instruments and chemicals we can improve on nature. Somehow I doubt this is true!

Pregnancy is NOT a medical condition and birth is NOT a health threat – except in rare situations. Only when we treat them this way do they become so and we introduce fear and we grab at safety.

I don’t want my baby to be treated as an illness or as the outcome of a medical procedure.

I want her to be welcomed as a beautiful, delicate and unique new person entering the world.

bwv01

The miracle of birth

The person growing inside Mona is the creation of new life. She, like every other baby, is a miracle. Mona and I are preparing for birth to make sure, as far as possible, we provide the kind of welcome for her that respects and honours this miracle.

1   The place

We can’t avoid hospital (without a lot of unneeded stress) but we can choose which hospital. We’ve decided that, even though we have little money, this is an important use of it. The public provision of maternity care is very far from what we want and they have strict rules and procedures to follow. In the public domain the expectation is, mainly for the convenience of the doctors, that we’ll schedule a C-section, as do the majority of mothers.

We’re using money to buy our freedom to choose where we give birth. And we’ve found a hospital that fully supports our right to choose and is very co-operative in providing a range of options for natural birth.

It’s the best we can do – but it’s still a hospital.

2   The people

We can choose who is present to welcome our daughter – up to a point.

We’re obliged (again the government knows best!) to have a doctor in attendance. Fortunately we’ve found one who is very supportive of our right to choose. He works with a midwife who’s passionate about and very experienced with natural birth, and assuming all goes smoothly, will allow her to support the birth itself. We count ourselves very lucky to have found them.

We’re undecided whether or not I will be present.

I grew up in the UK where it’s now the norm for fathers to be present. In many parts of the world (including here in Romania) it’s uncommon. There are good reasons for both and although I was present for the birth of my other two daughters, I’m considering this as an open question for now. I plan to write another post specifically on this.

The only person who absolutely has to be there is Mona!

3   The welcome

Neither of us subscribe to the view that new born babies are not conscious. We believe, while she may not be able to make sense of the world, she does experience it, and that those first experiences are crucial to her development as a human being. We want the environment in which we give birth to be welcoming and sensitive to her needs over and above the needs of the doctors.

bwv03The conventional ‘wisdom’ that babies are not conscious and don’t feel pain has, fortunately, lost a lot of credibility over recent years.

Under this ‘wisdom’ it was conceded that even if they do feel pain, it’s no problem because they won’t remember. Under this ‘wisdom’ surgical procedures were (still are?) performed without anaesthetic. Under this ‘wisdom’ the cries of a new born were considered healthy because it meant they can breathe. Under this ‘wisdom’ sticking in needles and shining a bright light into the eyes of the newborn was ok. Under this ‘wisdom’ virtually no consideration was given to trauma the baby might be experiencing during and immediately after birth.

It wasn’t until the publication in 1974 of Frederick Leboyer’s, ‘Birth without Violence’* that we started to seriously question this conventional ‘wisdom’.

After 35 years it’s still not reached all parts of the medical world.

For the 9 months leading up to birth she’s been in a warm, gravity free place. It’s dark and sounds are muffled and softened. Her mother’s heartbeat and the nutrients flowing through the cord have been a constant connection with her host. She’s been held firmly and safely inside her mother and allowed to grow without even the need to breathe.

At 9 months she’s gradually squeezed out into the world through a narrow opening and greeted by …?

I want her to be greeted by respectful silence, soft light, calmness and warmth. I want her to be placed against Mona’s skin, close to her heartbeat. To be given time to adjust to breathing before the cord is cut. I want her to be subject to the absolute minimum of checks and tests and her body to be kept free of chemicals. I want her delicate skin to be touched only gently.

I want her to get a glimpse, however small it might be, that this world is a wonderful place for her to be.

I want her to know, from that very first moment she arrives, that she’s loved and welcome in this world.

* Even if you have no interest in birth, I highly recommend ‘Birth without Violence’. It is beautiful, sad and wise.

Living in denial – but for how long?

Sep 6th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
25 comments

I hate Steve Pavlina!

“No! Steve Pavlina?” I hear the incredulous cries go up around the blogosphere.

“You mean the same Steve Pavlina who almost single handedly created the self development blog?

Hate him?

How can that be???!!!”

Pavlina thinks I’m a Nazi

Last Thursday morning, I was minding my own business getting ready for a couple of days trip to the mountains in central Romania. I had a couple of hours to kill before leaving Bucharest – a city where you really need to time your journey well or risk sitting in traffic for hours and hours.

“I know,” I foolishly thought to myself. “I’ll read a few blogs while I’m waiting.”

A word of advice – never read blogs while waiting to leave for a vacation.

‘Modern-day Nazis‘ caught my eye and I wish it hadn’t. Before you follow the link you might want to read the rest of this post first or you might end up hating Pavlina as well.

If you’ve not read it yet, the post is based around a video of some very ugly behaviour in a chicken hatchery for egg production (not for meat). It’s pretty horrific viewing by itself, but then Pavlina rubs salt into the wound by accusing anyone who eats eggs of being a Nazi. There’s also some stuff in the article about living consciously and taking responsibility.

The smug guy even has the audacity at the end of the article to say that if you have a strong reaction then that proves you must be a Nazi. I don’t think he did actually write that, but that’s what I understood.

I eat eggs AND I had a strong reaction.

Pavlina thinks I’m a Nazi.

It’s not wise to ignore reactions

I know from many past experiences that when I react to something, there’s some important business for me to have a look at. Why would I get triggered if there was nothing there?

I calmed down a little on the journey and talking it through with Mona helped a lot – always a calming influence at these moments.

A few things were immediately clear.

My reaction was NOT about what Steve Pavlina thinks about me, nor was it about eggs. Nor was it about being called a Nazi because although I don’t like it much, I’ve been called worse.

What emerged over the course of the weekend were very important questions (and a few answers) about my lifestyle and the extent to which it’s become out of harmony with some of my core values, in particular nonviolence and respect for life.

Aligning values and lifestyle

There are several dimensions to our lives and whenever some of the elements are not aligned there’s an inner conflict. For example when I say something I know to be untrue then I’ll probably experience some inner conflict because it’s not aligned with my value for honesty.

When I can catch the signs of inner conflict then I can take action. Some of these conflicts, though, are not so obvious and they lurk under the surface of my awareness. They may appear from time to time and if I don’t listen then I deny or ignore them. As long as things are not aligned and the conflict unresolved, I carry the tension with me.

Who knows what unhealed physical, emotional or psychological wounds they then create?

The strength of my reaction to Steve’s article was a clear signal of some unexamined stuff within me and Steve’s words were simply a catalyst.

I could have chosen to blame Steve and continue to exclaim ‘How dare he call me a Nazi… ‘. Not a particularly useful approach in my quest to get continually less stupid as I get older. Instead, I did the intelligent thing and took it as sign that some things I’m not aware of are not aligned as I’d like them to be.

What I buy and consume

I choose not to eat meat of any kind but I do eat eggs. I buy most of my food from the supermarket and that includes a range of dairy products. I rarely pay much attention to the source of the food I buy. I rarely pay much attention to the source of ANYTHING I buy or consume.

Until now, that is.

EVERYTHING I buy or consume comes from somewhere. It has a history.

Not a factory farm

Not a factory farm

I can’t get away from the fact that much of the animal-source produce in the supermarket comes from factory farms. I’ve never been in factory farm but I’m guessing they’re not idyllic places full of fluffy, contented animals and rosy faced young milk maids.

I’m also assuming, judging from the chick video, that they are violent places with little respect for the life of the animals.

Eggs are just one small example. Chickens are hatched and immediately examined. Male chicks are fed directly into the meat grinder and female chicks are kept alive to become living egg factories.

Can anyone tell me this is respectful of life and nonviolent?

What I can no longer avoid is that whenever I eat food from this source I take some of that violence and disrespect into my body. I support the system that produces food in this way – both the factory farms and the supermarkets by voting with my stomach and my wallet.

Lifestyle revolution

We all draw the boundaries of our lifestyle differently and it is not for me to judge anyone else for their choices.

If I’m genuinely committed to nonviolence and respect for life then I have to live my whole life on this foundation, and not pick and choose according to what’s most convenient.  I can’t continue to stick my head in the sand and pretend it’s OK for me to be part of these systems.

I’m on the verge of a lifestyle revolution where the boundaries of what I can accept for myself have shifted. For my own well being I want to align all the decisions I make against my core values.

And this means paying attention to the sources of the things I buy and consume. It affects, among other things, the food I eat, the clothes I wear, the places I visit and how I get around.

I don’t yet have a clear picture of what this all means but I do know that shopping is not going to be the same again.

I’m guessing many things will start to change now.

Why do I hate Steve Pavlina?

He single handedly destroyed a whole set of delusions and has thrown into disarray my nice convenient way of life where I could get everything I needed at low cost at my local supermarket.

If I try this now I’m going to be haunted by an image of newly born chicks being thrown into a meat grinder.

Thanks a lot Steve!

← Earlier Posts