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Posts Tagged ‘Responsibility’

Sting Of The Scorpion

Jan 19th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
13 comments

Scorpion wants to cross the river so approaches Crocodile to ask for a lift to the other side.

“Scorpion!“, replies Crocodile. “Do you think I’m crazy? I’ll get half way across the river and you’ll stab me with that sting of yours. I’m a crocodile, not an idiot.”

“Oh, Mr. Crocodile!” replies Scorpion. “I’m no idiot either. If I sting you in the middle of the river you’ll sink to the bottom and, as I can’t swim, I’ll surely drown! Now, I think you’ll agree that would be very idiotic of me to kill both of us. And … I promise not to sting you.”

Crocodile thinks about this for a moment, is swayed by the logic in what he hears and agrees to take Scorpion across the river. They set off, Scorpion safely nestled on his back.

In the middle of the river, Scorpion brings out his sting and stabs Crocodile in the neck. Crocodile turns his head to look at Scorpion and with his dying breathe asks,

“Why did you do that? We’re both going to die. It just doesn’t make any sense. And you promised!”

Scorpion shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s not my fault. Hey. I’m a scorpion and that’s what scorpions do.“

I was brought up on a staple diet of happy endings, so when I first heard this ancient fable, I was shocked. How could the scorpion do that? What kind of cruel, dark world does this point to? Are we really trapped by some pre-determined programming – and if so, what is it?

There are many things in this story. Trust, the irrationality of behaviour, the occasional cruelty of life. There’s one area, though, I’m going to focus on here.

Trapped By Our Nature?

The one that strikes me most is how much violence is justified by thinking we’re trapped by some pre-determined programming. At the most obvious level it’s the commonly held belief that we’re by nature violent hunters. I don’t want to tread on worn ground here … but, come on! Just look at our bodies. Where are the vicious claws or the hunter’s teeth?

Even if we were pre-programmed towards violence, rather than peace, it doesn’t mean we have no choice.

We’re not like the scorpion, no matter how comforting it might be to hide behind this. It’s comforting because if we’re fulfilling some pre-formed conditioning then we don’t have to take responsibility for our actions. The scorpion shrugs his shoulders and says, “It’s not my fault. I’m not responsible for stabbing you.”

I’m reminded of those horrific situations where ‘terrorists’ take hostages and issue demands, threatening to harm the captives if they’re not met. It’s usually followed (at least in Hollywood movies) by some comment like, “If you don’t meet our demands, the hostage’s blood will be on your hands. It will be your fault if we kill them.”

The unspoken assumption is , “Hey ! We’re ‘terrorists’ and that’s what ‘terrorists’ do. IT’S NOT OUR FAULT.”

Give me a break!

Our genes and our upbringing no doubt shape us, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility for our lives and our behaviour.

“My mother didn’t love me enough. My father was never around. I went to a bad school,” might work up to the age of sixteen (maybe a bit later for some). As an adult they’re feeble excuses for not making different choices about what we do.

[I know my Mum reads this from time to time, so Mum - these comments are not mine and they're not directed at you or Dad.]

Day to Day Identification

If I’m honest I often unconsciously identify myself with something and then act out from that identification. When I’m unaware then it’s hard to do something about it, difficult to recognise I have a choice.

One reason I’m passionate about self-development is that it helps bring those hidden things into the light. It helps me identify when my scorpion sting is busy wreaking havoc with my life.

When I’m aware, I have more capacity to choose the actions that make life better for myself and those around me. It’s a long and sometimes rocky road and one without a particular destination other than a desire to make a positive contribution to the world.

A couple of examples I noticed over the last years:

  • I’m an introvert – which I use to justify withdrawing from the world, closing down from time to time with even those people closest to me, and avoiding social situations like the plague.

The sting? Depression, loneliness, loss of friendships, lethargy … and it’s confusing, frustrating and worrying for people in my life.

  • I’m a man – which justifies a whole range of ‘manly’ things such as using logic in emotional situations, an almost obsessive desire to fix things and a refusal to ask for directions even when hopelessly lost.

The sting? Trouble dealing with the inherent messiness of life and relating to emotionally charged situations … and again it’s frustrating and disconnecting for others (especially the females in my life).

Noticing these things doesn’t necessarily change what I do but it does make my actions conscious and I’m more likely to manage the fall-out. For example, I still withdraw – but it’s a conscious choice and I can communicate to those around me that I need my space right now rather than mysteriously disappearing.

I take the venom out of the scorpion sting.

I don’t drown and those around me don’t get poisoned.

We all make it safely to other side.

What do you identify with and act out?

What difference would it make to you and others if you did so consciously?

PS I forgot to mention that my star sign is Scorpio. If I ever sting you then please forgive me … it’s just the way I am ;-)

When The Minority Is You

Nov 26th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
4 comments

be_different

What do you do

When democracy’s all through

What do you do

When minority means you?

‘What Do You Do‘ by The Proclaimers (from  ‘Sunshine on Leith‘ -1988)

I was listening to this song the other day. I don’t usually pay much attention to the lyrics, but something about the line ‘What do you do when minority means you?’ caused me to stop and think (yes, it happens from time to time!).

Minority of One

I am a minority of one.

No other human being has the same view of the world, interests or responsibility for my life as I do. Even if I found someone who was similar enough I doubt I would fully trust them to govern any major aspect of my life. That’s my responsibility and I don’t want to put aside some things that are important to me – such as my continued education, my health, the well-being of my family etc..

We are all minorities.

As being a minority can be a lonely experience, we tend to group together in many different ways. We’re each part of communities based around families, schools, churches, interests, work or where we live. Each of those communities is a minority as well.

The only point at which we stop being part of a minority, I suspect, is when the community is so large it encompasses each and every one of us – the community of all the human beings sharing this planet.

Majority Rule

I get the impression at the level of society that the mainstream has settled for our (principally US and European variants) vision of how to organise at society level. Of course it’s a hugely complex thing and living in Europe I’m much more familiar with Western forms of government that are often conveniently lumped together and called ‘Democracy‘.

One of the principles I’ve taken for granted through my whole life is that of ‘majority rule‘ – one of the seemingly unchallenged foundations of democracy. Whenever a group of people has to make a collective decision, in my experience it ends with someone saying ‘Let’s vote.’ Of course, the unspoken assumption is that the majority will get their way and the minority will immediately give up their disagreement and follow the decision.

I’ve been wondering if maybe the root of many conflicts and violence in the world are a direct result of this assumption. After all, whenever a majority forms, there is, by definition, a minority. Aren’t many of the wars in the world a direct result of separation into majority and minority? Minorities fighting to get heard? Majorities resorting to force to get submission of the minority?

Is ‘majority rule’ really the best way we can imagine of making collective decisions?

Learning and Growing

As an individual I’m changing and developing throughout my whole life.

Physically I may start to decline at some point, but how I see the world and operate in it gets better and better as I learn. When things don’t work I make adjustments and when they do, I capture what works and repeat it. Sometimes I go down a path that isn’t serving me and then I might make radical change, but usually the growth is more gradual.

I’ve found that this is not just an unconscious experience but one where I bring things to the surface, explore my experiences to learn from them, to consciously grow and seek improvements.

While the process and the journey are different for all of us, I believe we’re fundamentally built the same way – as learning machines.

I do this as an individual, but …

… Are We Learning As Communities?

Probably, but there are not many signs of it. Reading the media and watching the foreign policies of the powerful nations I would have to conclude that ‘democracy’ and ‘majority rule’ are perceived as the ultimate form of governance. So much so that there’s a desire to export them all over the world.

I don’t have any answers at the level of society – but I’m concerned by the lack of conscious questionning of our ’systems’ by those who hold power.

There are form of governance that don’t alientate minorities – for example ‘sociocracy‘. But there seems little appetite to introduce these kinds of government that include minorities rather than exclude them.

And it scares me.

After all – we are all minorities.

What Are You Waiting For?

Nov 17th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
13 comments

How much time do you spend waiting? For people, for appointments, for trains, planes or buses. Or maybe you wait for things to get better (or worse), for time to pass, for a lucky break, for the right moment, the right person … for many things.

Some years ago I was late for a business meeting. As I rushed into the room I apologised and thanked him for waiting. His reply stays with me to this day.

“I wasn’t waiting,” he said. “I never wait. I always have something to do. Something to think about, a problem to mull over, an idea to contemplate, reading to catch up. And if I don’t, I just quietly watch the world go by and enjoy the moment.”

Whenever I waited I used to get frustrated with the waste of time or bored with the emptiness. Either that or I’d blame what I was waiting for or blame myself for waiting.

Waiting is a choice

People are late for many reasons.

Trains leave when they leave.

Things will get better (or worse) when they do.

Time will pass with or without me.

I don’t believe in lucky breaks.

The right moment is now and the right person is whoever I’m with.

Nothing and nobody forces me to wait. It’s always a choice I make. I can choose to wait or I can choose to do something (or nothing) and choosing to wait in suffering serves no meaningful purpose.

Waiting is a state of mind.

Waiting is not an activity, not something I do, but a limbo I impose on myself. It’s an artificial construction of my own mind in which I imagine I’m ‘doing’ waiting.

If I can create a waiting state of mind then I can also choose to create the opposite – a ‘not-waiting’ state of mind. It’s easy and anyone can do it just by deciding to.

Catch the thought ‘I’m waiting’ and change it to ‘I’m not waiting’

Waiting is giving away my power

Every minute I wait is a minute I give away to someone or something else. Unless I’m donating it willingly and joyfully it’s a minute I’ve frittered away. It’s not only time I’m giving away, but my power that comes when I take control of my life and responsibility for what I do.

I’m a victim.

Mostly the recipient of this time is completely unaware they’ve received something from me. They didn’t choose it, they didn’t value it, they could do nothing with it. It’s wasted and comes with all the negative energy I’ve attached to it.

When I ‘not-wait’ I take my life in my own hands and there’s no room for blame or resentment or frustration.

Don’t wait for anything

Get creative.

  • Think about something. You always have your mind with you, so use it to solve a problem, make a plan or reflect on an experience
  • Carry a small notebook with you and write
  • Make a call you’ve been meaning to make
  • Catch up on some reading
  • Leave and go do something
  • Enjoy the break and do absolutely nothing

You may just find that when the person or thing you are ‘not-waiting’ for arrives, you welcome it joyfully and enjoy it as an unexpected pleasure.

Compassionate Business

Sep 21st, 2009
by ianpeatey.
18 comments

Much of the first part of my adult life was spent in and around business, including one of the largest professional firms in the world (it’s also one with, I think, the longest name in the professional world). I learned a huge amount and was a great period of my life. But ultimately there was something missing and it took me a long time to figure out what it was.

I still spend a lot of time around business people and I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard them tell me they cannot be fully themselves at work, because that’s just not how business operates. I’ve heard so many laments about the work place lacking authenticity, compassion and love.

In short, the full range of humanity is rarely encouraged in the corporate world.

In ‘Heart of Business‘ I explored what might be some of the factors behind this and then I got to wondering in more detail what might a ‘compassionate business‘ look like?

Here’s what I came up with and I’d really like to hear your thoughts on it.

1   Purpose

A compassionate business is clear about its purpose and how it peacefully contributes to the world. Its actions are always informed by and measured against this.

Ask many people what’s the purpose of the business they work in and most will reply ‘making money’.

I just don’t believe it – it’s a myth we’ve grown up with. Many businesses have sadly lost sight of their purpose and how their existence benefits mankind as a whole. They’ve come to believe that it’s all about money.

Every successful and sustainable organisation has a purpose – a reason to exist – beyond the profit motive. If making money is truly the only purpose then I don’t believe a business will survive long. It’s just not possible to fool enough people for long enough that they’re getting something of value when they’re not. Sure, it’s possible to trick people long enough to make some quick money (maybe even a lot of it) but really, what’s the point?

It’s all about making the world a better place. It might be hard to find and may take some digging around, but I believe it’s there, lurking under the day to day pressures to bring in revenue and cut costs.

Long term success can only come when a business exists to provide value, makes people’s lives better, and serves some human needs without being at the cost of others. And if the business as a whole is crystal clear about it, then the day to day work itself becomes far more meaningful for those working inside.

2   Decision making

A compassionate business involves people in decisions that affect them.

For me it’s a fundamental human need to be involved and heard in decisions that have an impact on me. It’s one of the foundations of the democratic tradition many of us hold so dear.

Yet we’ve got used to being told what to do and to allow others to make decisions for us.

Dependency has no real place in the life of a mature adult. We expect to have a say in many areas of our lives yet put up with the opposite in much of our working lives. I think it’s habit and largely a relic from our childhood when we relied on our parents to decide (even then we didn’t like it much of the time). It appears in business as the myth of ‘boss knows best’.

Many businesses make some attempt to involve workers in the name of ‘empowerment’ or other such things. A compassionate business will open up decision making all the way and include all those affected by a decision. It doesn’t mean that decisions won’t be delegated, it doesn’t mean that difficult decisions will be avoided but it will mean the basic desire we all have for control over the direction of our lives will be honoured.

3   Hierarchy

A compassionate business will value equally each and every employee. Structure will be used purely as a functional tool to help order complexity.

I think we all want to be treated as human beings – with respect, understanding and an appreciation for the unique contribution we each make to the world.

In many organisations people carry a label and a place in a hierarchical structure. Often they get seen for position first and for their humanity second. The functional need for structure often gets mixed up with the ego desire for status and power.

The organisation I worked for was more human friendly than most. Even so I was treated very differently when my label changed (because of promotion) from ‘Manager’ to ‘Senior Manager’. My voice was listened to more, I had greater privileges, more money, involved in more confidential matters and more highly respected. I felt that I was more valuable and important – and was treated that way – yet I was exactly the same person. All that changed was one word attached to my name.

A label does give some indication of experience and breadth of perspective. ‘Senior’ indicated I had more of the big picture, was less involved in day to day affairs and internally could make more expensive decisions. It didn’t make me – Ian Peatey – more important or valuable as a human being.

A compassionate business will not only recognise people according to their experience, capability and breadth or depth of view – but value them equally as human beings. Hierarchy will be minimal and used solely for ordering the complex web of relationships and organisation.

4   Duties and Responsibilities

Things will only be done in a compassionate business if they serve a purpose, add value to the world and are done willingly and freely.

Most businesses operate around roles and job descriptions. If you do what your boss tells you, carry out your duties, fulfil your tasks and meet your goals then you’ll get paid. Do it consistently and you might even get promoted.

There’s little room in most workplaces to freely decide if you want to do something or not. In turn that probably means many activities are not done ‘willingly’ but done because ‘that’s what the job requires‘.

I often hear ‘ … but there are some things that just have to be done. If you give freedom to people then nothing will get done.‘

I have two responses to this.

First, yes, there are some things that need to be done that are not enjoyable. But most of us seem to manage quite well outside work to attend to these kind of things quickly and efficiently.

Second, I wonder how many of these things that are effectively ‘forced’ at work, are in fact serving life. My experience was many things I did were to feed the egos of those higher in the organisation or, more likely, were just a waste of time.

A compassionate business will liberate it’s workers from the ‘duty and responsibility’ mindset and will cull all activities that do not contribute directly to fulfilling the purpose of the business.

5   Competition

A compassionate business will compete to be the best that it can, respecting and valuing those with whom it competes.

Competition can be a wonderfully creative force to improve performance. It can also be a terribly destructive force.

As I see it, the key differentiation is the attitude I take towards my competitor. Destructive competition channels energy into winning whatever the cost and irrespective of the consequences. Winning is about beating the competition – making ‘the enemy’ lose.

There’s another approach to competition which is about channelling the energy into being the best I can. I use my competitor to help me measure how good I am and to raise my own game beyond what I would do on my own. Winning is about performing better than I did yesterday. It’s respectful to my competitor as an ally not as an enemy.

What have been your experiences in business?

Are there compassionate businesses out there or is it all cut and thrust?

Living in denial – but for how long?

Sep 6th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
25 comments

I hate Steve Pavlina!

“No! Steve Pavlina?” I hear the incredulous cries go up around the blogosphere.

“You mean the same Steve Pavlina who almost single handedly created the self development blog?

Hate him?

How can that be???!!!”

Pavlina thinks I’m a Nazi

Last Thursday morning, I was minding my own business getting ready for a couple of days trip to the mountains in central Romania. I had a couple of hours to kill before leaving Bucharest – a city where you really need to time your journey well or risk sitting in traffic for hours and hours.

“I know,” I foolishly thought to myself. “I’ll read a few blogs while I’m waiting.”

A word of advice – never read blogs while waiting to leave for a vacation.

‘Modern-day Nazis‘ caught my eye and I wish it hadn’t. Before you follow the link you might want to read the rest of this post first or you might end up hating Pavlina as well.

If you’ve not read it yet, the post is based around a video of some very ugly behaviour in a chicken hatchery for egg production (not for meat). It’s pretty horrific viewing by itself, but then Pavlina rubs salt into the wound by accusing anyone who eats eggs of being a Nazi. There’s also some stuff in the article about living consciously and taking responsibility.

The smug guy even has the audacity at the end of the article to say that if you have a strong reaction then that proves you must be a Nazi. I don’t think he did actually write that, but that’s what I understood.

I eat eggs AND I had a strong reaction.

Pavlina thinks I’m a Nazi.

It’s not wise to ignore reactions

I know from many past experiences that when I react to something, there’s some important business for me to have a look at. Why would I get triggered if there was nothing there?

I calmed down a little on the journey and talking it through with Mona helped a lot – always a calming influence at these moments.

A few things were immediately clear.

My reaction was NOT about what Steve Pavlina thinks about me, nor was it about eggs. Nor was it about being called a Nazi because although I don’t like it much, I’ve been called worse.

What emerged over the course of the weekend were very important questions (and a few answers) about my lifestyle and the extent to which it’s become out of harmony with some of my core values, in particular nonviolence and respect for life.

Aligning values and lifestyle

There are several dimensions to our lives and whenever some of the elements are not aligned there’s an inner conflict. For example when I say something I know to be untrue then I’ll probably experience some inner conflict because it’s not aligned with my value for honesty.

When I can catch the signs of inner conflict then I can take action. Some of these conflicts, though, are not so obvious and they lurk under the surface of my awareness. They may appear from time to time and if I don’t listen then I deny or ignore them. As long as things are not aligned and the conflict unresolved, I carry the tension with me.

Who knows what unhealed physical, emotional or psychological wounds they then create?

The strength of my reaction to Steve’s article was a clear signal of some unexamined stuff within me and Steve’s words were simply a catalyst.

I could have chosen to blame Steve and continue to exclaim ‘How dare he call me a Nazi… ‘. Not a particularly useful approach in my quest to get continually less stupid as I get older. Instead, I did the intelligent thing and took it as sign that some things I’m not aware of are not aligned as I’d like them to be.

What I buy and consume

I choose not to eat meat of any kind but I do eat eggs. I buy most of my food from the supermarket and that includes a range of dairy products. I rarely pay much attention to the source of the food I buy. I rarely pay much attention to the source of ANYTHING I buy or consume.

Until now, that is.

EVERYTHING I buy or consume comes from somewhere. It has a history.

Not a factory farm

Not a factory farm

I can’t get away from the fact that much of the animal-source produce in the supermarket comes from factory farms. I’ve never been in factory farm but I’m guessing they’re not idyllic places full of fluffy, contented animals and rosy faced young milk maids.

I’m also assuming, judging from the chick video, that they are violent places with little respect for the life of the animals.

Eggs are just one small example. Chickens are hatched and immediately examined. Male chicks are fed directly into the meat grinder and female chicks are kept alive to become living egg factories.

Can anyone tell me this is respectful of life and nonviolent?

What I can no longer avoid is that whenever I eat food from this source I take some of that violence and disrespect into my body. I support the system that produces food in this way – both the factory farms and the supermarkets by voting with my stomach and my wallet.

Lifestyle revolution

We all draw the boundaries of our lifestyle differently and it is not for me to judge anyone else for their choices.

If I’m genuinely committed to nonviolence and respect for life then I have to live my whole life on this foundation, and not pick and choose according to what’s most convenient.  I can’t continue to stick my head in the sand and pretend it’s OK for me to be part of these systems.

I’m on the verge of a lifestyle revolution where the boundaries of what I can accept for myself have shifted. For my own well being I want to align all the decisions I make against my core values.

And this means paying attention to the sources of the things I buy and consume. It affects, among other things, the food I eat, the clothes I wear, the places I visit and how I get around.

I don’t yet have a clear picture of what this all means but I do know that shopping is not going to be the same again.

I’m guessing many things will start to change now.

Why do I hate Steve Pavlina?

He single handedly destroyed a whole set of delusions and has thrown into disarray my nice convenient way of life where I could get everything I needed at low cost at my local supermarket.

If I try this now I’m going to be haunted by an image of newly born chicks being thrown into a meat grinder.

Thanks a lot Steve!

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