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24 Moments Of Peace

Nov 23rd, 2009
by ianpeatey.
14 comments

Each of us starts our day waking from sleep – the most peaceful of states. Keeping that state of peace can be tough, especially as we bustle through a typical day getting things done. Even harder for those surrounded by city chaos or who work in a factory or an office.

I found one way is to take regular ‘Moments Of Peace’ – short oases of attention to allow the turmoil of the day to fall away and recharge my inner space.

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Here are 24, easily available moments to get you through the day.

Start Of The Day

1.     Before everything starts

I always aim to get up early, before the rest of the city wakes. You don’t even need to go out to feel the fresh energy of the new day. Whatever went before was yesterday and today is a chance to start again.

Imagine you’re standing with your back against an impenetrable wall and know there’s no turning back. Remember the rest of your life starts now, this moment, and you have this new day to take your first steps into it.

2.     Sunrise

The ancients worshipped the sun as the bringer of all life and heralded the sunrise as the daily metamorphosis from night to day. This time of day is full of expectation for the new day, cool before the sun brings its warmth, dark before it brings its light.

Watch as the sun slowly appears from below the horizon and gradually shows its face.

3.     In traffic

Sitting in traffic can be very frustrating, if you choose it to be. Alternatively you could let go of your desire to control things and relax into the uncontrollable. There is nothing you can do to make the cars move faster, no matter how hard you will it.

So stop willing it, relax your body in the safety of the metal cocoon you call your car.

At Work

1005499_alone_in_the_office_24.     Arrive early

I don’t recommend it as a habit, necessarily (though avoiding the traffic can be a huge benefit) but from time to time can be very refreshing. No phone calls, no one wanting your time is an ideal moment to be with yourself and your thoughts.

A few hours early before everyone else arrives can allow concentrated, stress free time.

5.     Mundane tasks

I had a period where I would photocopy binders for training courses I was running even though I had an assistant who was paid to do this, and more than capable than I! The repetitive and mundane nature of the work allowed me to calm down.

Find something with a rhythm, turn off your brain and just be with the task at hand.

6.     Waiting

Waiting for a meeting (or ‘not-waiting‘)? Put aside your impatience and idea that this is wasted time and enjoy the moment of no obligation and nothing to do but sit and wait.

Stop checking the clock as it won’t make time pass any faster, and sit back and let time itself hold you.

7.     In the toilet

Strange thing to suggest, I know, but it’s probably the only place where you can almost guarantee that nobody is going to pester you. Don’t use it more often than is biologically necessary or you may get stuck with a reputation.

Close your eyes (to forget the location) and enjoy those few uninterrupted moments of solitude.

8.     Go for a walk

Even in the middle of a city or an industrial park there are open spaces. They may not be green and beautiful but any change of scene, or move outside into the air (ideally fresh!) can be a wonderful way to gain composure.

Figure something out or just to take a short peace break.

Out And About

9.     Church or temple

Places of worship hold the prayers of the ages in respectful silence. You don’t need to have any religious convictions to use them as an escape from the rush of the streets. Here there is no space to be busy, just you and the divine. Or you and nothingness, if that’s closer to your beliefs.

Find a quiet place to sit and take in the sacred energy available for all those willing to tune into it.

10.     People watching

You can do this anywhere at all. A café, a bench or just sit on the steps and stop. The peaceful moment is in the contrast between your tranquillity amongst the chaos.

Sit and watch the people rushing to work, home or meeting as you take a moment to be rather than do.

11.     Watching clouds

We owe our lives to the clouds. Contemplate a world with no clouds – no rain, no plants, no animals, no food, no life. Lose yourself in the ever changing shapes and patterns across the sky.

What pictures, what messages can you see in the clouds?

281462_hug_a_tree

12.     Hugging trees

Yes, it’s a hippy thing, but just try it. Trees are often unnoticed, yet everywhere.  Feel the bark under your fingers, imagine the roots burying deep into the ground and allow yourself to be held in its strength. Ask yourself what events has it witnessed?

Put aside the New Age associations (if that helps), find the oldest tree you can and put your arms around it.

13.     Swings

I know kids playgrounds are meant for children, but we all have a child deep inside. There’s something deeply peaceful about moving without purpose, knowing that no matter how hard you push, you’re just not going to get anywhere.

Find a free swing and just sway back and forward, feeling the air on your face.

14.     On safari

If safari to Africa is out of reach then create your own local one. Animals of all kinds are everywhere, in plain view or hidden away. You can find them in the fields, forests, gardens or walking down the street.

Spend a moment searching for as many species of mammal, bird or insect as you can and remind yourself that you share the world with them. Do this with your kids for an extra bonus.

Anytime, Anywhere

15.     Breathe

Three deep, controlled breaths with full concentration on the in and out works wonders to remove stress, emotion and find the peaceful place underneath. When you’re tense your breathing becomes short and shallow but you rarely notice it.

Bring your awareness here and savour the air as it fills your lungs. Exhale and allow all the stuff you’re holding onto to leave your body. Three times. In and out.

16.     Conscious clearing of thoughts

Takes some practice, preferably a quiet place to sit and maybe one of the various techniques available.

Try this one. Imagine an empty sky in your mind’s eye. Thoughts appear as clouds floating slowly across the sky. The thoughts gradually change shape and slowly disappear from view or are vaporised by the sun shining in your sky.

800982_stop

17.     Stop what you’re doing right now

This is probably the easiest and the hardest at the same time. Most of us keep busy all the time and find it very difficult to get out of it. A time of no tasks, no movement, no thoughts.

Just stop! Everything. Allow the wave of time to pass without responding to the impulse to surf it.

18.     Count to ten

It’s a cliché, I know, but it does work. A conscious, slow count from one to ten provides a rhythm and an inner slowing down. Don’t rush it and do count all those numbers to feel the stress fall away bit by bit with each number.

One … two … three … four … five … six … seven … eight … nine … ten.

At Home

19.     Doing the chores

Most chores can be turned into a meditative routine and so present an opportunity to switch brain to off and lose yourself in the task.

Ironing, washing up or washing the car require almost zero brainpower – use them to turn brain off.

20.     Sunset

Watch as the sun slowly disappears below the horizon and gradually hides its face. As the day draws to a close, remember what the day has brought you. Things to be grateful for, things to mourn over, things gained, things lost.

Who touched you in some way during this day? Who did you touch in some way?

1165884_water_drops21.     Cleaning your body

Take a long hot bath, a short shower or just a moment to splash cold water on your face and allow your tension and troubles to be washed away with the dirt. Enjoy the freshness outside and inside.

Imagine everything that weighs you down right now disappearing into the drains with the water – flowing far, far away until they are gone.

22.     Gazing into eyes

They say that our eyes are the window to our souls. Our souls are beyond all the cares and worries of our physical world and, while we may not always be in touch with our own, we can access that place through the eyes of another.

Gaze deeply into the eyes of one you love and be transported to a place where there is only peace and tranquility.

23.     Hug

Consider how much peace there is in the innocence of a hug. Or how much peace in the safety you give in your hug. No expectation, no attempt to get anything – just the desire for two people to be close and wrapped in each other’s warmth.

Hug someone close to you and the moment you would normally break the embrace, stay with it and go deeper into that physical connection.

24.     When all is done

That moment at the end of the day when all is done. Chores are finished, computer is off, TV is shut down, lights are going off, bathroom routine finished. Before settling down to sleep take a moment to allow the days’ activities to fall away.

Nothing is left for the day …

… only peace.

A Gift To The World

Nov 11th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
17 comments

On this day in 1963, something happened that fundamentally changed the course of my life. It wasn’t something that hit the headlines, but it was something that still has repercussions to this day. In fact, this event is having an effect on you right this moment as you wouldn’t be reading these words if it hadn’t taken place.

1960-2002-0004

11 November 1963 was the day on which I was born.

How To Celebrate

Last night Mona asked me how I want to celebrate my birthday.

My immediate reaction was the same I usually get in relation to my birthday; ‘uuuugggghhhh,’ together with a strong desire to hide in a corner for the whole day and hope everyone else has forgotten it. It’s not my age that’s the problem as I enjoy whatever age I am and 46 is a nice round number.

My problem is partly about celebrating. I don’t really know how to do it.

I watch others celebrate at parties and in bars. Singing, dancing and obviously having a good time. I sit there and just can’t understand it. Externalising my celebration of life is just not my way. I can speak about it, I can feel it deep inside – but expressing it in a ‘traditional’ way is not my style.

1147773_club_1There have been times when I faked it, but that’s pretty tiring and I’d prefer to be more authentic. Christmas, weddings, other people’s birthdays, holidays, parties I can just about cope with if I’m in the right frame of mind. I can celebrate with others, though I do generally avoid random parties. I got fed up with drunken revellers demanding I enjoy myself – then dragging me onto the dance floor, trying to get me drunk or, in one horrible incident, trying to persuade me to take cocaine. NO WAY!

I prefer to celebrate quietly. Peacefully. On my own, or with those closest to me.

Still, I’ve struggled over the years to celebrate in any way on my birthday and have tried to hide it where possible.

But not this year.

My Birthday Is About – Me

1076955_vibrant_giftI’ve long claimed my reluctance to celebrate my birthday was in respect for my grandfather who died on my 21st birthday or that it’s because it’s ‘Remembrance Day‘ or ‘Veterans’ Day’.

Frankly both are weak excuses.

Mona pointed out to me last night:

‘If you can’t appreciate the ways in which you are a gift to the world, then it’s hard to fulfil your potential. And birthdays are the one day in the year when I think you could be doing just that.’

This hit the proverbial nail on the head.

I was brought up to be modest and keep my light hidden. At times I’ve kept it so hidden I’ve actually lost sight of the fact that it’s there.

Each and every one of us is a gift to the World.

Each of us has a light inside that can shine out for the benefit of all – if we choose to let it.

10 Ways I’m A Gift To The World

This is probably the hardest list I’ve ever written. Every cell of my body is crying out,

“Don’t do it! Who are you to blow your own trumpet? You’re going to lose all your readers if you do this. It’s just not DONE!’

So I say ‘thank you’ to the helpful voices in my head … and I’m going to do this anyway.

  1. Three people wouldn’t exist without me … my beautiful daughters Laura (17 years), Elena (6 years) and Nameless One (- 3 months).
  2. My humour which has made many people laugh
  3. My smile which has infected many people with smiles of their own
  4. The simplicity of my material world which inspires several people
  5. My writing which has stimulated change in people
  6. My capacity to listen deeply which gives others the space and love they need to find themselves
  7. My dedication to bring peace into my own life and to share that with others
  8. Through my presence I’ve brought joy to the lives of many people – and Mona is one of them
  9. I make Athos and Balki (our 2 dogs!) wag their tail whenever I give them attention
  10. I tend to inspire quite intense feelings in other people (not all of them enjoyable!).

And Finally …

I had a wonderful early birthday present – my last article had an avalanche of readers (around 30,000 over two days). It came just at a moment I was again asking myself if this blog is really worth the effort I put into it. So a big thank you to all who contributed to the overwhelming success of that post. It made my day!

As it’s my birthday I’m allowed one birthday wish.

I would like to hear, in the comments or by Email the answer to the following question:

In What Ways are YOU a gift to the world?

The Miracle Of Birth

Oct 5th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
13 comments

My third daughter is due to enter the world early next year and I’m determined to make sure she’s properly welcomed.

752195_baby

As a man I will never experience birth other than as an outside observer. My role in the pregnancy itself was pretty much accomplished back in the Spring. I don’t mean to underplay the emotional or physical support I provide – but frankly speaking, what I do is rather limited compared to the miracle going on inside Mona’s body.

I’m a little hesitant to write about the subject of childbirth – mainly because I’m not, never have been and have no intention of being a woman. There’s already far too much male influence on the predominantly female subject of childbirth and I don’t want to add to it.

But I will.

Pregnancy is not an illness

Our daughter will arrive into the world in a hospital, which is not exactly the place I’d wish for our first contact but the government decided some time ago that they know what’s best. We could choose to ignore the law, but that adds a stress we’d rather do without.

For better or for worse, birth has been taken over by the medical profession – which includes both medical practitioners and pharmaceutical companies.

The better side is that, in the unlikely event that something goes wrong the chances for both mother and baby are improved. They can do amazing things, medically and scientifically speaking. They can test for this or that, reduce pain, remove babies through C-sections and they even have a machine that can photograph our little one at 5 months in the womb. Having these things available is not a ‘bad’ thing, though I do wonder how many procedures are performed just because we can do it, rather than because they are actually necessary.

The female body is designed (among other things) to grow babies and give birth to them. We (mainly men, I suspect!) have decided we know better and believe that with instruments and chemicals we can improve on nature. Somehow I doubt this is true!

Pregnancy is NOT a medical condition and birth is NOT a health threat – except in rare situations. Only when we treat them this way do they become so and we introduce fear and we grab at safety.

I don’t want my baby to be treated as an illness or as the outcome of a medical procedure.

I want her to be welcomed as a beautiful, delicate and unique new person entering the world.

bwv01

The miracle of birth

The person growing inside Mona is the creation of new life. She, like every other baby, is a miracle. Mona and I are preparing for birth to make sure, as far as possible, we provide the kind of welcome for her that respects and honours this miracle.

1   The place

We can’t avoid hospital (without a lot of unneeded stress) but we can choose which hospital. We’ve decided that, even though we have little money, this is an important use of it. The public provision of maternity care is very far from what we want and they have strict rules and procedures to follow. In the public domain the expectation is, mainly for the convenience of the doctors, that we’ll schedule a C-section, as do the majority of mothers.

We’re using money to buy our freedom to choose where we give birth. And we’ve found a hospital that fully supports our right to choose and is very co-operative in providing a range of options for natural birth.

It’s the best we can do – but it’s still a hospital.

2   The people

We can choose who is present to welcome our daughter – up to a point.

We’re obliged (again the government knows best!) to have a doctor in attendance. Fortunately we’ve found one who is very supportive of our right to choose. He works with a midwife who’s passionate about and very experienced with natural birth, and assuming all goes smoothly, will allow her to support the birth itself. We count ourselves very lucky to have found them.

We’re undecided whether or not I will be present.

I grew up in the UK where it’s now the norm for fathers to be present. In many parts of the world (including here in Romania) it’s uncommon. There are good reasons for both and although I was present for the birth of my other two daughters, I’m considering this as an open question for now. I plan to write another post specifically on this.

The only person who absolutely has to be there is Mona!

3   The welcome

Neither of us subscribe to the view that new born babies are not conscious. We believe, while she may not be able to make sense of the world, she does experience it, and that those first experiences are crucial to her development as a human being. We want the environment in which we give birth to be welcoming and sensitive to her needs over and above the needs of the doctors.

bwv03The conventional ‘wisdom’ that babies are not conscious and don’t feel pain has, fortunately, lost a lot of credibility over recent years.

Under this ‘wisdom’ it was conceded that even if they do feel pain, it’s no problem because they won’t remember. Under this ‘wisdom’ surgical procedures were (still are?) performed without anaesthetic. Under this ‘wisdom’ the cries of a new born were considered healthy because it meant they can breathe. Under this ‘wisdom’ sticking in needles and shining a bright light into the eyes of the newborn was ok. Under this ‘wisdom’ virtually no consideration was given to trauma the baby might be experiencing during and immediately after birth.

It wasn’t until the publication in 1974 of Frederick Leboyer’s, ‘Birth without Violence’* that we started to seriously question this conventional ‘wisdom’.

After 35 years it’s still not reached all parts of the medical world.

For the 9 months leading up to birth she’s been in a warm, gravity free place. It’s dark and sounds are muffled and softened. Her mother’s heartbeat and the nutrients flowing through the cord have been a constant connection with her host. She’s been held firmly and safely inside her mother and allowed to grow without even the need to breathe.

At 9 months she’s gradually squeezed out into the world through a narrow opening and greeted by …?

I want her to be greeted by respectful silence, soft light, calmness and warmth. I want her to be placed against Mona’s skin, close to her heartbeat. To be given time to adjust to breathing before the cord is cut. I want her to be subject to the absolute minimum of checks and tests and her body to be kept free of chemicals. I want her delicate skin to be touched only gently.

I want her to get a glimpse, however small it might be, that this world is a wonderful place for her to be.

I want her to know, from that very first moment she arrives, that she’s loved and welcome in this world.

* Even if you have no interest in birth, I highly recommend ‘Birth without Violence’. It is beautiful, sad and wise.

We each have our own song

Sep 18th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
14 comments

When a woman in a certain African tribe knows she is pregnant, she goes out into the wilderness with a few friends and together they pray and meditate until they hear the song of the child. They recognize that every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique flavour and purpose. When the women attune to the song, they sing it out loud. Then they return to the tribe and teach it to everyone else.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the person hears his or her song. Finally, when the soul is about to pass from this world, the family and friends gather at the person’s bed, just as they did at their birth, and they sing the person to the next life.

There is something inside each of us that knows we have a song, and we wish those we love would recognize it and support us to sing it. How we all long to be loved, acknowledged, and accepted for who we are!

In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child.

If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the centre of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them. The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behaviour is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity.

When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.

A friend is someone who knows your song and sings it to you when you have forgotten it. Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.

Alan Cohen – They’re Playing Your Song

There’s really nothing I can add to this … so I won’t.

Mind your own business

Aug 27th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
25 comments

If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine?

We’re both over there.

Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn’t work.

To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety and fear. Do I know what’s right for myself? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you.

Byron Katie – ‘Loving What Is‘

All of us are wonderfully imperfect.

No-one knows everything, everyone makes mistakes, has blemishes, things they’re not good at. We all struggle with certain things and do and say things that drive others crazy. Yet each of us is living our life the best we can – sometimes struggling, sometimes flowing.

I find so much beauty and humanity in this. It’s also quite a relief to accept this about myself.

That’s not to say that I’m not always learning, striving to improve, taking responsibility. It’s just that choosing to accept my humanity is a far more enjoyable and liberating way to live than not accepting it and beating myself up.

When I apply this to the people around me then I can accept and love everyone for the imperfect creatures they are, or I can complain and try to change them (or hope they’ll change without me doing anything). I can mind my own business or I can put myself into the business of others.

We’re not alone

Minding my own business, though, is not living as an island.

I can do that, of course. I could cut myself off from the rest of the world but I imagine that’s a lonely life and potentially without much meaning. Certainly losing all interaction would remove a lot of fun, warmth and sharing, among other things I could mention.

Minding my own business while interacting with others can be a real challenge. Drawing the boundaries and deciding when to get involved and when to keep out can be fun, and can be a minefield.

Count me into your business if you want a friend, a shoulder to cry on, or someone to celebrate with. I’ll get involved if you want some guidance or ideas about what to do or a non-judgemental ear to listen to you. Or maybe just to share some time together, telling stories, laughing or simply enjoying the silence.

Count me out of your business if you want to play the victim. If you want someone to listen and agree to your complaints, judgements or moralising. If you want someone to take responsibility for your life and solve your problems for you.

Knight (or knight-ess) in shining armour

Many of us like to be saviours, riding into the fray on our white steed, wielding our sword of righteousness and words of wisdom to hand. I like to solve problems for others, right wrongs and generally save the world from the forces trying to destroy it!

I’ve learned that it’s usually a good idea to first look at my own business before getting on that shining horse. I’ve found many times that underneath my gleaming armour sits a hypocrite! Chances are I can find some way my actions (or inactions) are creating, or at least contributing to the situation.

Before I embark on a crusade against XXXXX (insert your own favourite cause) I might want to look at my role in it.

Before I jump on the climate change campaign, I might just want to check how I’m contributing (directly and indirectly) to pollution.

Before I tackle racism in the local school, I might want to have a look at dealing with how my own racism manifests.

And before I jump into giving you advice about to make your life better, I might want to … well, there’s a lot of work there, before I can start on you!

There are times, though, when I do need to speak up or take action – when people, through intent or ignorance, hurt us or others. In these situations, sitting back and doing nothing not an option and if I wait until I’m perfect before I intervene then I may never do anything.

Minding my own business does sometimes mean getting involved in your business. It’s about listening to my reaction – the pain, the fear, the outrage. It’s about protecting myself and others. If I have enough power then I might use force to intervene – or, if not, then I might attempt to get those with greater power to intervene.

But if I’m judging, blaming, criticising or punishing then I’m in your business and, as Byron Katie says, who then is looking after me?

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:3

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