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Posts Tagged ‘Inner world’

AWOL and Future Plans

May 27th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
10 comments

I’ve not published anything here for a while.

If anyone had asked me I would have said it was about three weeks since I wrote something. In fact, the date of the last article is 20 March 2010 – definitely longer than 3 weeks. And that time just slipped by.

No-one did ask me, which is a little disconcerting, but I’ll get over it.

I didn’t intend to take a break and was just planning to slow down while Mona and I got used to being parents together – maybe writing once a week, maybe a little more. No way did I plan to stop entirely.

Plans for Quantum Learning

I’m going to restart publishing in twice a week (Monday and Thursday) and to make it a bit more explicitly focused on what I consider to be the essential dimensions of peaceful living:

  • Inner World
  • Family Life
  • Work Place
  • World We Live In

Inner World

Sometimes I experience huge inner peace and self acceptance, even self love. These are what I might call ‘flashes of peace’ and is certainly not a steady state. I wish it was! I’m often stressed about day to day stuff, often paralysed by indecisiveness and often wallow in self pity and doubt.

Sometimes I forget everything I’ve learned and revert to a shallow, mean-spirited creature.

Yet those ‘flashes of peace’ show me that there is another ‘me’ bursting to get out. Finding ways of freeing that ‘me’ – the person I would like to be, is what I mean by Inner World.

Family Life

Even if you don’t have children, you were a child once upon a time. Even if you live alone, it wasn’t always that way. You were, for better or worse, part of a family of some kind.

How I live in intimate relationship and raise my children are two of the most nurturing experiences – and can also be two of the most challenging! I don’t often  think in terms of ‘my legacy’, yet through my kids, part of me will carry on when I die.

I’ve made many mistakes along the way and many people have been hurt by some of the choices I made and decisions I took. On the other hand I can look back over this first part of my life and celebrate some of the wonderful things I’ve contributed to myself and those around me.

I’ve struggled many times with the idea of ‘family’ but I discovered that a firm family foundation supports peace within me, in the connections with others and, through my children, the future of peace on the planet.

Plus, for a site devoted to self development, I can’t ignore the huge amount I learn from my 3 children. The oldest just turned 18 and no longer a child. The middle  is 7 and no longer a baby. My third is 3 months and no longer a newborn.

Work Place

I’ve been working with three dear friends on a concept for a new business venture I’m very excited about.

We believe there are plenty of people in business looking for respect, kindness, compassion and meaning in their working lives – and rarely finding it. We’re hoping to bring those people together and to support them through coaching, consulting and workshops.

We’re calling it ‘LightWork’ and wanting to play with the double meaning of that name.

Where is it written that work has to be ‘hard’ and heavy and a sacrifice? Who decided that competition needs to be tough and aggressive? When did we separate ‘work’ and ‘life’, as though work is not really part of living?

Interesting times ahead. For me anyway, and I hope you’ll join me!

Book Review: Inner Productivity

Oct 15th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
10 comments

It is with some humility that I’m writing this, my very first book review.

Even more so because the book I’m reviewing was written by Chris Edgar, one of my virtual friends, a regular contributor here and author of Purpose, Power, Coaching.

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Yes, Chris has written a book and he was kind and trusting enough to send me a review copy.

INNER PRODUCTIVITY: A Mindful Path to Efficiency and Enjoyment in Your Work

It’s a real book, mind, with paper pages bound together and not one of those modern eBook thingys! At nearly 200 pages it’s neither a quick read nor a door stop and about the right length, in fact!

Overview

This book is about cultivating what I call inner productivity—the mental and emotional state that allows you to get the most done and find the most enjoyment in your work

I think Chris is underselling because this book is not only relevant to our working life, but to everything we do.

My first impression when I scanned it was, ‘Wow. I could have written this book.’

I don’t mean I could actually have written it – but that Chris sees the world in a way that’s very close to how I approach life. For me the book is a peek inside myself and full of practical exercises and mini case studies drawn from his work as a coach. He cleverly bridges hard business ideas about productivity to spiritual and other ways of working with our inner world.

If you’ve read any comments by Chris then you may, like me, have been impressed by his depth and the practical advice he offers. His book is a little like reading a thousand of his great comments all rolled together.

Inside the Cover

There are four main sections to the book. I don’t want to give too much away so will just give a small taste of what each is about.

1   Your Inner Experience of Working

How we see the world is not the same as how the world actually is. When we realise this we take power back into our hands and find liberation – we’re no longer victims of the world, but creators.

2   Attention

Where we place our attention is crucial in accessing the state of flow – that beautiful feeling of pure motivation for what we are doing, here and now. Some really great exercises, for example about getting curious.

3   Intention

Many of us, whether consciously or not, have come to believe we need to be disconnected from our hearts to succeed in business, and perhaps elsewhere.

Discovering what we want to achieve, not just intellectually, but with the full weight of our emotional passion behind it. More than that, it’s not enough to know what we want to achieve, but we also need to know how we want to achieve it and to reconnect with our whole being – including our bodies and our emotions.

4   Foundation

This is about developing the grounding or inner stability that allows us to deal with whatever comes up in our lives. It’s about developing a deep and gentle self love and a greater sense of who we are. This may involve peering into our inner fears and darkness – but to do so for the healing it brings and to take us back to authenticity.

Don’t read this book

… If you’re looking for tips and techniques

… want a light read or

… hope to get to know Chris better.

It’s an holistic look at what makes us tick – physical, emotional, intellectual dimensions. If you’re looking for a ‘How To’ book with tips and techniques , then this is not the book for you.

It’s about noticing how you approach the world – without fighting it or running away from it – just being with it. That doesn’t always make for an easy, light read as for many of us it involves facing some things we’d rather keep hidden. Chris always gives the reader the choice to look or not – there’s not a hint of preaching and he has a gentle touch.

I had the idea I was listening in on Chris rather than that he was talking to me. Like many good coaches he keeps some distance – I didn’t get the idea I knew Chris any better after reading the book. Some people might not enjoy that style, and miss a more intimate connection with the author. I personally enjoyed it as it gave me freedom to decide what to listen to and what not.

In conclusion. I enjoyed it, got a lot out of it and many things stay with me days after reading it.

Finally

I’ve noticed that when it comes to money, some people get a bit sensitive. As transparency is important to me I want to be clear that I have no financial relationship with Chris. I would have no hesitation in developing one, but I don’t have plans in that direction.

If you buy the book then Chris, as the author, obviously will get some money. If you choose to buy the book from Amazon through one of my links on this site then I get a small commission via my affiliate account.

In fact, this is no different from any book you might buy after following a link I provide here. I only ever link to books (like this one) I’ve read, enjoyed and would recommend to my closest and most intimate friends.

Not all my friends like my suggestions, but I think that’s normal and I’ve not yet lost a friend as a result of a bad suggestion.

In search of honesty

Jun 1st, 2009
by ianpeatey.
18 comments

Often I hear honesty talked about as black or white – either I’m honest or dishonest in what I say. It’s even combined with the common habit of labelling so that people are then classified into honest or dishonest.

Isn’t it a bit trickier than that? Is ‘honesty’ really that straightforward?

Honesty – a core value

I consider honesty one of the core values we all share and strive for – not least with ourselves.

One of my teachers put it something like this:

‘We’re all searching for our Truth. The problem is we’re surrounded by half-truth, so we put a huge amount of energy simply into trying to separate truth from half-truth. The more honesty we have in our lives, the more we can devote to discovering our Truth.’

I think he meant that ‘searching for our Truth‘ is our quest for understanding our place and our purpose in life, and ‘truth‘ and ‘half-truth‘ are the messages we tell ourselves and others. The more accurate the messages, the clearer becomes our search for meaning.

For me it’s intimately linked with trust. Without honesty, without ‘truth’, it is impossible to build trust. And without trust we can never be sure about ourselves or the people in our lives.

Anyone who has ever been in an intimate relationship knows that one lie can destroy years of building depth and closeness. Anyone who studies the news knows that one lie can destroy a political career. Anyone who has been in business knows that one lie can destroy co-operation.

Honesty and truth are essential qualities in all our relationships.

The value of self censorship

Having said this I also believe self censorship is a key skill.

A couple of years ago I met a guy who’d spent some time in, what he described as, a community based on stream of consciousness. What that meant was that members of the group agreed to reveal everything that passed through them – thoughts, feelings, emotions. If a thought entered his head he spoke it. He said he left the cult community when he started to suspect the founder and leader of using it as a way of seducing women rather than a genuine attempt to learn and foster complete honesty!

As an experiment in understanding and getting control of my thinking this sounds very interesting. But I’m certainly not yet ready for complete honesty. Some of my thoughts are better kept to myself.

For example I was in a hotel elevator a couple of days ago moving from the 5th floor to the ground. The lift stopped at the 4th floor where a women stepped in and pressed the button to take her to the 2nd. The thought that flashed through my head was, “Why don’t you take the stairs, you lazy cow?”

Can you imagine what might have happened if I’d actually said that? If I’d offered this woman a combination of my rather unflattering judgement and a bit of re-education?

If I allowed all of the rubbish that passes through my brain to also pass through my lips I imagine I would have been physically beaten up many times and verbally even more.  Judging from the amount of violence in the world, I somehow doubt I’m the only one who has crazy things in their head. I suspect behind most, if not all, acts of violence sits some such thought.

Maybe one day I’ll be in complete control of my thinking, but until then I’ll continue to exercise a degree of self censorship over my honesty!

Honesty with myself

The value of catching such thoughts is that it gives me a great opportunity to be honest with myself. If I only take them at face value, whether I reveal them or not, I potentially miss the chance to learn something.

Every time I have any judgemental thought is a chance to learn and take a small step towards my own Truth. Thoughts are often superficial and bubble up from some deeper currents within. That surface of thinking could be messages from my emotional world, my belief systems, my core values or my higher self.

In the example above I clearly saw it as a reflection of me and nothing to do with the lift woman. Maybe it was repressed anger surfacing that I’d be wise to have a look at. Maybe it was in that moment I was in a rush  and so was some signal to develop better personal organisation.

Honesty with others

Whenever I ask a question I’m wanting something. Often it is honesty and truth I want:

  • When I want to learn and I’m asking for your feedback to help me with that.

If I ask my wife, ‘What do you think about my latest article?‘ I want to know precisely what she thinks so I can learn and improve. I want her honesty.

  • When I sense something and want to discover what it is.

10 years ago I lost my job. I sensed something was going to happen so I asked my boss to his face, ‘Is my job safe?‘ I truly wanted to know. I wanted to be treated as a responsible adult and respected with the truth. He lied to me.  I wasn’t upset about losing my job, but I was devastated about the lie.

  • When I want to build trust between us

I often ask my wife what’s going on inside her because I want to connect with her. I want to understand and touch more of her inner world. I fully respect if she chooses not to share, but I don’t want her to lie to me.

Do we always want honesty?

Sometimes I want reassurance more than I want honesty, for example, if I’m feeling vulnerable, my self esteem is low and I don’t have the resources myself to bring it back up. If I ask ‘Do you think I’ve lost weight?‘ then I probably only want honesty if the answer is ‘Yes!’ If not, then I’d prefer you exercise some self-censorship!

I have a sense I’ve only scratched the surface here in my search for honesty, and what it means.

I’d love to hear your views on the subject.

How are you?

May 10th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
17 comments

How many times a year do you hear the question “How are you?”

It’s a pretty standard greeting, so I’m guessing it’s in the 100′s? Maybe even 1,000′s? Probably ‘a lot’ rather than ‘a few’?

When you ask the question, how often are you really and truly interested in the answer you get back?

If you’re like me (which you probably aren’t) then you probably don’t give too much thought to the question and hardly listen to the answer. It’s used more as a polite introduction (or re-introduction if we already know the person) before the serious, important stuff can get started.

Hang on a moment.

What could be more important than asking how someone is? Isn’t that an essential question? Isn’t this enquiry a potential window right into the depths of another human being.

How are you? Right here. Right now.

What thoughts are passing through your head as you stand in front of me? What feelings rise inside you as we look at each other for these fleeting seconds? What life bubbles inside you in this precious, present moment?

What a frequently wasted opportunity for an insight into what it’s like to be another member of the human race!

Why is so hard to reveal who I am?

peek-a-booI wonder if the reason we’re not usually interested in the answer is because we often receive a polite and non-committal,

“I’m fine, thank you.”

Or even worse, we might receive a long list of physical ailments, financial worries or a digest of their life history.

My Grandmother (she passed away last year, bless her) was a master at that reply. Probably because it was the only way she knew to get some attention. I still miss her.

I’m sure the original intent of the greeting was genuinely to give an opportunity to reveal some depth. Just we’ve got so busy we lost sight of that. We got into urgent and supericial stuff and forgot the important things.

Why is it that many of us find it so hard most of the time to really reveal how we are?

I notice in myself a fear of revealing too much for some or all of the following reasons:

  • concern that the other might not really be interested
  • fear that if I expose any vulnerability it might affect my safety
  • fear of being judged
  • not used to revealing my inner world (it normally stays ‘inner’ and ‘my’)
  • unaware of how I am
  • missing the vocabulary to express how I am
  • in too much hurry to do stuff and not enough patience to just be with the life of the moment.

Over the years I’ve sought out those safe situations and those people who are naturally interested in experiencing how others are. More and more I’ve found the value of connecting to my inner life and sharing it with others.

After all, what could be a greater gift than the gift of life?

And more and more I’m not satisfied with the stock, culturally correct reply to the question.

If we ever meet …

Let’s rehearse a possible meeting and my ‘ideal greeting scenario’.

You approach me with a slight smile, deep eye contact and your hand outstretched. If we already know each other (even if it’s only been virtually) then I’d expect a hug. Maybe a kiss too, but that’s a bit more sensitive, especially if you’re a guy.

As a small aside, I’ve got quite used to kissing as a fairly standard greeting between men in Romania. That was a bit scary at first for me – a Brit!

Back to the rehearsal.

“How are you?” you say with real interest and care in your voice.

I take a moment to connect with myself, turning my attention to any physical or emotional sensations. I’ll tell you what comes up for me.

Briefly.

5 or 6 words only as I don’t want to freak you out.

I’ll stop again and check a bit deeper for what’s bubbling inside. What’s enriching my life and what’s turning me off? Don’t worry, I’ll only tell you a couple of sentences in summary. You’re not going to get an extensive and deep description of my innermost world. I don’t want to overwhelm you.

Just the highlights. I’ll save the rest until we know each other better and I trust you’re truly interested.

Of course the roles might very well be reversed and I might get the “How are you ?” in first.

You’d better be prepared.