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Posts Tagged ‘habit’

Knee Deep In Waste

Dec 31st, 2009
by ianpeatey.
7 comments

Three bags of garbage today and it’s the third time this week I’ve taken at least two, 35 litre bags of rubbish to the communal bins – and the week’s not over yet. I didn’t analyse what was in the bags but my guess is that about 50% was packaging and most of the rest was food. I’m feeling ashamed to admit it but this was food I’d either bought and not used in time or I’d cooked and not eaten.

Partly a post-Christmas phenomena but mainly it’s because I’ve built far too much waste into how I live my life and I want to change it.

I don’t think I’m unusual. Most of us are unaware just how much food we throw out. I read that, according to the UN’s Food and Agriculture Organisation, around 50% of all food production is wasted. It’s hard to find comprehensive data on this but the financial cost alone amounts to, not millions, but billions of dollars every year.

The Food We Buy

Mona just came back from the local bread store. It’s a holiday tomorrow and the store will be closed. She said the store was crazy – full of people buying 10 loaves of bread as though they wouldn’t be able to buy anymore for weeks.

I know myself that whenever I go to the supermarket I’m always tempted to buy things I hadn’t intended. Supermarkets are in the business of selling as much as possible as fast as possible. It’s not good business to throw out food and it’s not good business to take up large areas of costly storage space. They make more money the faster they can move product so they want to entice me to buy a trolley full.

Money is reasonably tight in our household, but still I rarely know how much I’m spending on food until I reach the check-out.

Displays, positioning of product, pricing, special offers, selection and store design are all aimed at one thing – to make it easy and attractive for me to buy as much as possible.

They’re doing their job very well.

What are some of the things I buy I don’t need?

  • Snacks – I enjoy eating chocolate and cookies but I couldn’t say I need them
  • Vegetables and fruit – I often throw out things that looked great in the store but start decaying once I get them home
  • Baked products – things that go stale before I have a chance to consume them
  • Dairy – we eat a lot of dairy and don’t throw so much away but even so the odd carton still goes in the bin
  • Jars and bottles – jams go mouldy, sauces go off before they’re finished
  • One off items – ingredients for a particular dish and, even buying the smallest quantity possible, the rest goes to waste
  • Meat – no longer an issue as I don’t eat it anymore – but when I did I often threw it out when it went it’s use by date was up.

None of these things are unavoidable!

From a simple economics point of view, the less I buy, the less will be produced – or it may be diverted to other places where it’s more needed. Waste is waste – not just the food itself but everything that’s gone into getting it into my kitchen. The less I buy, the more resources available for other things.

Cutting back may be a small drop in the ocean – but every ocean is made up of small drops.

The Food I Prepare

I was brought up as a child, as were many in the developed world, to eat everything on my plate. I’ve lost count of the number of times I heard,

Think of the starving children in Africa!

as I pushed aside an uneaten mouthful.

With more than 1 billion people estimated to be short of food that’s a lot of starving people to be thinking about.

I’ve heard people say,

Better to throw it away in the garbage than throw it away in your stomach.

Well, this is probably true. It’s even more true that it’s better not to throw it away at all!

I had a friend once who always left some food at the side of the plate. I asked her why and she told me that it was a habit – it was her way of making sure that she didn’t overeat. If she left some food then it was some kind of check that she hadn’t eaten as much as she could have done.

There must be better habits we can develop!

Why do I throw away food after I’ve made it:

  • Misjudging how much to cook – I often cook more rice or pasta than I need, for example
  • Misjudging how much I want to eat – often I’m not as hungry as I thought I was when I started cooking
  • Overeating – yes! I eat more than I need to
  • Variety – especially when entertaining guests I tend to overcomplicate and make different dishes
  • Bad cooking – sometimes I over-cook something or just mess it up.

All of these are avoidable.

Of course, this food is also stuff I’ve over bought – so there’s a kind of double waste.

How To Waste Less?

Here are 10 ideas that have worked for me or that I’m going to try:

  1. Never shop when hungry
  2. Have a shopping budget (take exactly the amount of cash I need and leave the plastic at home)
  3. Prepare a list of what to buy and stick to it
  4. Only buy things with a clear idea of which meal they’ll go into
  5. Don’t allow myself to be tempted by special offers – especially those products I know I tend to throw out
  6. Buy fewer things with a short shelf life – more often if needed
  7. When cooking, weigh things rather than guess
  8. Freeze leftovers
  9. Recycle waste food for compost
  10. Get more creative with cooking and use of leftovers (great ideas on this site).

This starts to deal with 50% of my waste. Now what about the packaging …. watch this space!

I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments about how to cut out food waste!

Sticks and stones

Aug 30th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
9 comments

A very angry man interrupted one of the Buddha’s lectures and proceeded to verbally abuse him by hurling insults. The Buddha just sat there calmly. Finally the man asked the Buddha why he failed to respond to the insults and abuse.

The Buddha replied, “If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?”

The man replied, “To the one who offered it.”

Buddha responded, “Then I decline your abuse and request you keep it for yourself.”

Conditioned to respond

One of the things the Buddha did in this story was to challenge our conditioned responses. The man expected a response to his provocations. After all, if someone insults you then you have to respond in some way.

Don’t you?

But who said we have to respond when we’re insulted?

I often work with groups of business people and one of the tasks I set is to ask them to give feedback to each other. Often the feedback is critical in some way but we work hard to express it in a constructive way. More often than not the feedback is very helpful and sensitive.

Despite the fact it never even gets close to ‘verbal abuse’, the recipient of the feedback almost always feels some impulse to respond, explain, defend or justify. They get the point eventually, but at the start they have a hard time to take the feedback as a gift and to see they have a choice about whether to accept it or not.

Somehow we learn to respond to anything that sounds like an attack and we’ll each have our default setting we revert to.

1   Take up arms in the arena

My own default setting is to jump into the arena and verbally attack back. It’s based on a belief that this protects me by a show of strength. But in many cases the opposite happens and I end up in an argument or even a fight. I’m embarrassed to remember the numerous times I’ve got into an escalating argument by responding to insults, verbal attacks or criticism.

Sometimes it serves a purpose but mostly it’s a waste of energy. And even more, each time I ran the risk of it turning into something more serious.

I heard from someone involved in police training (and I’m sorry that I don’t have any evidence to back this up) that 90% of cases of physical violence are preceded by some sort of verbal violence.

2   The arena doormat

Another common response is to take it silently on the chin. I stay in the arena and allow the other person to mop the floor with me. I soak up the verbal attack in the hope that they’ll eventually stop and leave me alone. Maybe I even start to believe some of the insults and that I deserve them.

3   Stay out of the arena

The Buddha’s response in the story shows a third way – to simply decline to enter the arena. He explicitly left his attacker alone in the arena. He could perhaps have added how he was reacting to the outburst of anger, though I’m certain he had very good reasons why he didn’t say more than he did.

Choosing consciously

I believe each response has its place but each situation is unique so demands a fresh choice.  A first step to making better choices might be to raise my awareness of how I habitually react.

1   Give myself space to check what’s going on:

  • In my body – where in my body do I feel something as a result of this? What do I feel?
  • In my emotions – what am I feeling? which emotion is shouting loudest?
  • In my head – what words are forming in my head as a response?

2   They want to communicate something:

  • Putting aside their poor communication skills – what might they be trying to communicate?
  • Do I have the time and energy to hear what they want to say?
  • Putting aside my poor listening skills – is there potentially something useful for me to hear?
  • Keeping things in their rightful place – is this really anything to do with me?

3   My personal safety:

  • This is my number one priority – which response is likely to be the safest for me?
  • Which response is likely to make the situation worse?

I can choose a conscious response even when the verbal attack represents a significant threat to my safety – be it some form of regular harassment (at home, school or work?) or a potential attack by strangers. In fact, in these cases, I suggest a conscious choice is much wiser than relying on an automatic response.

Footnote

Thanks to Lea at Ocean of Perspectives for the Buddha story and inspiration for the article.

Power Of Beliefs

Apr 10th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
14 comments

Often it happens I find myself getting attached to doing things a certain way.

The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is four feet, eight and a half inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

We all have our own quirks

Most of the time there’s no problem with that and I can happily keep my quirky habits without interfering with anyone else. I can organise the kitchen drawer a certain way, carry out my bathroom routine in a particular order, start with my least favourite food on the plate and leave the best until last, work while sitting on the most uncomfortable seat in the apartment, etc. etc..

In fact, most of the time I’m blissfully unaware that my quirks could seem a little odd to other people.

I don’t live in isolation, though, and sometimes my idiosyncracies clash with those of others. In ‘Being right‘ I recounted a story from my first marriage about a huge fight we had about the correct way to cut potatoes for boiling.

And I mean HUGE! Shouting, screaming and even .. finger pointing!

I was adamant that potatoes have to be cut across the short cross-section. My wife was equally adamant they are cut across the long section.

Crazy? Yes, but entirely true.

Where do our beliefs come from?

Why was that gauge used? Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the U.S. railroads. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Many beliefs (and the associated practices) are developed early on in life at home, being brought by our parents from their homes, brought by their parents … Generation after generation passing down whole belief systems. Of course, they change over time as new ones are needed. Sometimes they may be challenged and collapse, to replaced by others. They transform with changing circumstances.

Most beliefs are well rooted in the past, so can be very slow and stubborn to shift and so often lag behind our current realities.

A brief history of the Peatey Potato Law

Why did they use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

The early historical records of the Peatey family are quite sketchy on potato cutting practices.

There are several references in early folk-lore to large numbers of Peateys needing to be fed very quickly. Some experts argue this led to the short-section-cut, pointing to the fact that, cutting this way, saves around 2 milliseconds per vegetable.

An etching (above) dated 1311 appears to show two members of the Peatey family cutting potatoes across the short section, though the authenticity of the engraving is questioned by several prominent legume historians.

Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on some of the old, long-distance roads, because that’s the spacing of the old wheel ruts.

The earliest reliable recorded mention of the cut, in its modern form, is in the county annals of 1574 where the practice was already well established. In 1728 the ‘Peatey Potato Act’ was passed by Parliament and quickly became known as the PP Law. The Act is still on the statute books and is recognised as one of the oldest Acts of Parliament still in force.

So who built these old rutted roads? The first long-distance roads in Europe were built by Imperial Rome for the benefit of its legions. The roads have been used ever since.

My point is practical necessity becomes habit and habits and practices turn into laws and belief systems.

The power of beliefs

And the ruts? Roman war chariots made the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagons. Since the chariots were made for or by Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Thus, the standard U.S. railroad gauge of four feet, eight and a half inches derives from the specification for an Imperial Roman army war chariot – the width of the back ends of two warhorses.

I believed this was the right, and only, way to cut potatoes.

Crazy as it now sounds, when faced with the alternative offered by my ex-wife, I saw a personal attack on my belief system. I felt a strong urge to quash the potato heresy and my wife with it. It was so strong, I could barely contain my desire to cause physical harm to her (fortunately, I did contain it).

And yes, I agree it is TOTALLY insane and I was not in my right mind.

Who in their right mind believes something to the extent they cannot allow for any other possibility?

Who in their right mind believes something to the point they are prepared to hurt (or kill) someone thinking differently?

Ask yourself this though …

… is there really such a big difference between the ‘Peatey Potato Law’ and all the other beliefs lurking in the roots of the World’s violence?

Insults, nonviolence and fish

Jan 19th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
5 comments

I’ve been insulted many times in my life and some I even got to hear about. I also get lots of feedback and not all of it easy to hear.

nonviolence, difficult message

If you’re like me, then you’ll have developed habits around dealing with these difficult messages and  automatic responses make it hard to remember there’s a choice about how to react. My own habit was to go into silent shock and criticise myself with some internal finger pointing.

Where did this habit come from?

The first part of my adult life was spent trying to please others: subjects I studied, career (accounting, of all things!), job, buying a house, getting married, running a car. All of this was to keep the people in my world happy. None of it really made me happy, but what the hell if everyone else is happy!

With this motivation, any attack, criticism or insult went right to my core. I was failing to please someone so there must be something wrong with me! Ahhhhhh!!!!!!! As you can probably guess, my self esteem was not sky high with this approach to life!

What changed? One thing was when I discovered* that I have 4 broad choices in hearing these difficult messages.

  1. Attack the message giver
  2. Attack myself
  3. Listen to myself
  4. Listen to the message giver

An example might help.

I was in my early thirties and my assistant at the time had just made a huge mess of arranging a conference I was responsible for. I knew it and she knew it and it was one of those situations that, if undealt with immediately, could have wrecked my career. I stayed very calm, we fixed the problem  and then had a ‘review’ of this major mess up. She sat there quivering with nerves as I started, very calmly and logically to go through what had happened and what we could learn from it. After about 5 minutes she could stand it no longer and blurted out,

“I messed up. We both know it. Any NORMAL person would have got angry and shouted at me. But not you. You are such a COLD FISH – it’s impossible to work with you!”

Hmmmm, that was difficult to hear.

How could I have reacted?

1   Go on the attack – with her

It was her that screwed things up, not me! How dare she criticise me? She’s completely incompetent and if I hadn’t stayed cool, calm and collected there’s no way we’d have recovered from the mess she’d caused. I’m not cold! I’m in control … and that’s what a good manager needs to be, especially with someone as useless as her! Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

I suspect both of us would have ended up worse off with this approach. But isn’t this pretty common? … after all, attack is apparently the best form of defence.

2   Go on the attack – with myself

She’s absolutely right. Any one with balls would have at least raised their voice. What a weak, cowardly person I am. I’ll never make it any further as a manager – she needs strong, assertive leadership. Not only that but I’m devoid of emotion generally. Nothing affects me. Am I dead?

This was what I did at the time. Fortunately I managed to transform it later as it didn’t help my self esteem too much.

3   Listen – to myself

I’ve not heard anyone say that before and I don’t like hearing it. I’m confused and not sure if she’s talking only about this situation or about working with me in general. I’d like to be understood that I was trying my best to solve the problem and I really care about this work. I’d also like her to hear that I care about her and I don’t consider losing my cool to be respectful.

Now that’s a bit softer! I’m neither agreeing or disagreeing but just opening myself into an enquiring frame and with this energy I might discover something useful about myself in this feedback.

4   Listen – to her

Wow, she seems really upset about this. I guess she would have liked to have done a great job and she’s disappointed about what happened. Maybe she’s also looking for more passion and energy in her work with me. Perhaps she wants honest, direct feedback and communication.

Again that’s softer. With this energy I might discover something useful about her from this feedback. For sure we’re both more likely to get something out of the situation and maybe learn about each other.

I’m not claiming that 3 or 4 are easy, and it requires skill and presence to choose these responses over  attacking. What I’ve written here are more like internal monologues and choosing if and how to verbalise the response is another skill to develop.

What I can say is that when I have chosen 3 or 4 the difficult message has always turned out to be the start of an important and meaningful exchange.

How do you habitually react to difficult messages? Does it work for you?

*at a workshop on Nonviolent Communication

New approach to resolutions game

Jan 5th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
3 comments

If you’ll indulge me a little I’m going to briefly jump on the ‘New Year Resolutions’ bandwagon.

Beginning of 2009 seems like a good time to look at those resolutions for the coming year! Just like most everyone else, though, I’m a past master at making and breaking resolutions.

This year I’m trying a new approach. My resolution is not about specific intentions or actions but about developing a habit.

Every day I’m going to choose one small thing to nurture myself in some way. And by small, I really do mean tiny.

Today, for example, I set a goal of drinking 6 glasses of water (5 down … 1 to go!). I haven’t decided for tomorrow yet, but it could be take a walk round the apartment block, reading a couple of pages of a spiritual text, meditating for 5 minutes or turning off the lights if I’m not using them.

My aim is to develop a greater awareness of what I’m doing to feed myself physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. I figure that by the end of the year I’ll be celebrating a minimum of 365 small, positive steps in my life.

Now that can’t be a bad thing!