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Posts Tagged ‘Choice’

Expensive Cars Never Stop At Crossings

The other day I was crossing the street on a pedestrian  crossing. I tend to be quite bold and don’t have the patience to wait politely until the traffic comes to a complete standstill. I mean pedestrian crossings are named that way for a purpose, yes?

359363_bmw_silver_7

I happened to be pushing a baby in a buggy and accompanied by Mona (proud mother of baby, tolerant wife of me).

I could be dramatic and say I was almost hit by the large BMW but integrity and a certain standard of honesty prevents me making such exaggerated claims. The truth is my foot was definitely on the crossing and clearly I wanted to cross the street. The BMW in question drove straight across in front of me and, had I not stopped, there might have been a nasty accident.

Mona turned to me and said,

“Expensive cars never stop at crossings.”

As a huge generalisation it probably doesn’t warrant too much investigation and it would be really pedantic to say it’s not the cars but the drivers that never stop.

Despite that, her comment did get me thinking about how much we’ve given over the world to the all powerful motorcar.

Stopping at Crossings

866310_predestrian_lightsHaven’t we got this back to front?

I reached a point where I regard a driver who decides to stop to allow me across the street as doing me a favour. Many times I wave a hand of thanks to the driver who goes out of his/her way to slow down and let me pass. Walk down any busy street and you’ll see people patiently (or not) waiting for the traffic to stop so they can pass. Usually those on the street well outnumber those driving cars, particularly as most motors seem to only have one person sitting in them.

This is especially true in towns and cities – places having the purpose for people to live, work and relax.

Yet it’s the rare city where the pedestrian rules as we’ve given over the places we live to the automobile.

If we were to start over again I would strongly push for an approach whereby it is the driver who waits and it is the driver who waves a thankful hand to those of us on the street for allowing them to pass by.

Or better still, eliminate cars from towns and cities completely. These are places for PEOPLE not for cars!

The only places where this currently happens are a few historical cities and shopping streets. I suspect for the former this is more to preserve the old buildings and for the latter to make it harder for the shoppers to escape.

Fuelling the Monster – Part 1

No-one really knows how many motor vehicles are cruising the streets of the planet today:

Around the world, there were about 806 million cars and light trucks on the road in 2007; they burn over 1 billion m³ (260 billion US gallons) of petrol/gasoline and diesel fuel yearly..  (Source: The always reliable (!) Wikipedia)

Is it only expensive cars that don’t stop at crossings?

Whether they stop at crossings or not is largely a matter of social culture. In Romania they rarely stop unless you are spread-eagled on the tarmac in front of them. In other countries you only have to look at the crossing and they stop.

What is true, though, is ALL cars are expensive.

The purchase or lease cost is just the small tip of the iceberg (or oil field!). Add to that maintenance, fuel and insurance.

And the continual depletion of our fossil fuel reserves.

And all the resources used in vehicle manufacture and maintenance.

And road building.

And don’t get me started on the cost of air and noise pollution, traffic accidents or the accidents resulting in massive damage to the oceans (BP, anyone?).

Fuelling The Monster – Part 2

758504_carSomeone has got us convinced we need at least one car each, or ideally, more than one car. Call me crazy but, personally I suspect the oil companies and car manufacturers.

Whoever it is, they’ve somehow got me to believe the car I drive says something about who I am as a human being. Am I successful enough to drive a big, flashy car? And a family car to use when no-one is watching?

It’s quite amazing how much my ego can be fuelled by driving.

One car I had some years ago was a very sexy, sleek white monster that went very fast indeed. And I felt GREAT driving it. Honestly, though it didn’t change me as a human being – only when I was behind the wheel when I myself became a very sexy, sleek white monster that went very fast indeed. And, really .. how on Earth can a car be SEXY???

These days I don’t own a car and my ego is no longer fuelled. Except when I borrow one from time and the boy racer comes out to play. Unless it’s my Mum’s car I’m borrowing!

Losing The Use Of My Legs

I enjoy driving.

It also makes some aspects of day to day life much easier. After all it’s pretty hard to do some things these days without access to a car. Not impossible but usually very inconvenient.

Perhaps those same people who fuel my ego with images of sleek, white monsters are also in collusion with those who plan our living spaces. Some living spaces are worse than others in this respect.

My parents visit the US from time to time and one place they stayed was a residential area just over the other side of the street from a supermarket. They naively thought they could just walk across the road to the other side but found there was no physical way of doing so. They had to drive there despite being only 100 metres away.

It’s so easy to get about in the car it becomes a habit. The price we pay is we lose the use of our legs. Is it coincidence the countries with high density of motor vehicles are also those with high densities of overweight people. I know it’s not a simple as that, but when I see people jump in the car to drive a kilometre down the street I wonder how long it will be before their legs drop off through inactivity.

They Are Here To Stay

Of course they are wonderful inventions and they are here to stay. I’m not suggesting any different.

What I would like is moderation and awareness.

Consider these questions every time you choose to drive in favour of other alternatives:

  • is driving the only way, or are there alternatives? (walk, bus, train, ask for a lift?)
  • what’s the total cost of this drive in financial terms – to you? (fuel, maintenance, depreciation) and to the world (or your share of all the hidden costs)?
  • remember that pedestrians are not a nuisance but people, just like you, who chose to use their legs instead of their wheels
  • is your choice of car really your choice? or is your choice influenced by the mass media? (be brutally honest with yourself!)

Drive safely!

Everything Turned Green

In the park this morning I had a huge surprise. Everything had turned green!

It wasn’t the colour of the world that shocked me. After all, Spring started here a couple of months ago and that’s what tends to happen in the Spring, isn’t it? Especially late Spring!

Everything is supposed to turn green.

What shocked me was I could have sworn that yesterday the park was dead and grey with no green in sight.

Now I see at least two possible explanations for this.

1. A Miracle Happened

There could have been some miracle in the floral world whereby all the trees sprouted leaves overnight while my eyes were closed in sleep. I don’t discount this possibility, though my previous close observation of the plant world is things tend to happen a bit more slowly than that!

I do, however, believe in miracles so when I got home I carefully scanned the local news looking for some mention of this phenomena. Finding none I had no choice but to move to my second explanation.

2. Sleep Walking

It could be they had indeed sprouted leaves while I slept, and that I’d been sleeping for some days, maybe even weeks. Only this form of sleeping was with my eyes open and my mind and heart closed.

What Do I Fail To Notice?

It got me wondering how many other changes around me do I fail to notice because I’m either so wrapped up in other stuff or I’m just not taking the time to experience the world around me.

What changes in my children do I fail to notice?

My eldest daughter grew up. She transformed from a little girl into a grown woman of 18, not suddenly, but with many small delightful steps. My middle daughter turned 7 a couple of months ago – again, what have I missed?

What changes in myself?

Another year on and what have I experienced that passed straight through me because I wasn’t paying attention. I notice a few aches in my body to remind me I’m not getting any younger but I tend to assume those are passing things and nothing to do with the years of wear and tear on my physical form. What joys have I let go without fully putting myself into them?

What tears have I failed to shed because I was thinking about yesterday or tomorrow and forgetting that life is here and now in the small moments?

What world events out there have I not noticed?

And I’m not the only one. This may be a shallow example but I had a debate with Mona a couple of weeks ago about Bob Dylan, of all people. She was sure he had passed away and I was sure he hadn’t. Sorry, Bob if you’re reading this and I apologise for my wife writing you out of the world before your time. I heard many people were at your concert in Bucharest last week so I’m assuming I’m right on this occasion :)

Being Here v Being There

The point is how much we miss because we’re in other stuff.

Could we be better prepared for life if we open our eyes to the small changes? Could we prevent things that seem to happen in a moment, but in truth grow in front of us in small changes that eventually reach a tipping point so they seem like an event?

Things rarely happen suddenly – though that’s often how we perceive them.

Wars don’t start overnight – they build up. World poverty and hunger isn’t an event but a process. AIDS didn’t suddenly become a problem but has been around a long time. Volcanoes don’t just erupt – the tension in the earth builds bit by bit – unnoticed but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. People rarely turn to crime on a whim (it happens, but it’s rare) but the seeds are sown long ago and we allow them to grow like weeds.

Once weeds have taken hold they are difficult to remove.

Are wars, crime, disease, poverty or climate change really in the hands of an individual who takes them over that tipping point or brings them to our attention?

Or are they in all our hands because we fail to notice them and take action by removing the weeds early on? Or worse – we do read the signs and leave it to others to do something about it?

And it’s not just the terrible things but the wonderful things happening around us each moment. Do we really appreciate and celebrate them moment by moment?

Has the world suddenly turned green or, more likely, has been turning for some time and I just didn’t notice?

AWOL and Future Plans

I’ve not published anything here for a while.

If anyone had asked me I would have said it was about three weeks since I wrote something. In fact, the date of the last article is 20 March 2010 – definitely longer than 3 weeks. And that time just slipped by.

No-one did ask me, which is a little disconcerting, but I’ll get over it.

I didn’t intend to take a break and was just planning to slow down while Mona and I got used to being parents together – maybe writing once a week, maybe a little more. No way did I plan to stop entirely.

Plans for Quantum Learning

I’m going to restart publishing in twice a week (Monday and Thursday) and to make it a bit more explicitly focused on what I consider to be the essential dimensions of peaceful living:

  • Inner World
  • Family Life
  • Work Place
  • World We Live In

Inner World

Sometimes I experience huge inner peace and self acceptance, even self love. These are what I might call ‘flashes of peace’ and is certainly not a steady state. I wish it was! I’m often stressed about day to day stuff, often paralysed by indecisiveness and often wallow in self pity and doubt.

Sometimes I forget everything I’ve learned and revert to a shallow, mean-spirited creature.

Yet those ‘flashes of peace’ show me that there is another ‘me’ bursting to get out. Finding ways of freeing that ‘me’ – the person I would like to be, is what I mean by Inner World.

Family Life

Even if you don’t have children, you were a child once upon a time. Even if you live alone, it wasn’t always that way. You were, for better or worse, part of a family of some kind.

How I live in intimate relationship and raise my children are two of the most nurturing experiences – and can also be two of the most challenging! I don’t often  think in terms of ‘my legacy’, yet through my kids, part of me will carry on when I die.

I’ve made many mistakes along the way and many people have been hurt by some of the choices I made and decisions I took. On the other hand I can look back over this first part of my life and celebrate some of the wonderful things I’ve contributed to myself and those around me.

I’ve struggled many times with the idea of ‘family’ but I discovered that a firm family foundation supports peace within me, in the connections with others and, through my children, the future of peace on the planet.

Plus, for a site devoted to self development, I can’t ignore the huge amount I learn from my 3 children. The oldest just turned 18 and no longer a child. The middle  is 7 and no longer a baby. My third is 3 months and no longer a newborn.

Work Place

I’ve been working with three dear friends on a concept for a new business venture I’m very excited about.

We believe there are plenty of people in business looking for respect, kindness, compassion and meaning in their working lives – and rarely finding it. We’re hoping to bring those people together and to support them through coaching, consulting and workshops.

We’re calling it ‘LightWork’ and wanting to play with the double meaning of that name.

Where is it written that work has to be ‘hard’ and heavy and a sacrifice? Who decided that competition needs to be tough and aggressive? When did we separate ‘work’ and ‘life’, as though work is not really part of living?

Interesting times ahead. For me anyway, and I hope you’ll join me!

Healing Ourselves

Nothing we can do will avoid the fact that at some point our physical bodies will stop working and each one of us will die.

How you react to that will probably depend, in part, on whether you see death as an end or as a beginning. Personally I believe it’s both but I’ll only find out for sure when it comes. I react to the thought mainly with peace with some moments of fear (maybe I’m wrong, and it is only an end).

Scars On the Journey Of Life

The good news is, for now, I’m alive and well in a physical body, subject to emotional ups and downs, learning new stuff all the time and gradually connecting with a spiritual dimension to my life.

Part of this journey I call ‘life’ are the knocks and bruises we all suffer. Accidents and diseases damage my physical form, emotional traumas leave their invisible scars and my intellect gets misled by wrong thinking or factual mistakes. The other part of me – my spiritual dimension – is , as yet, unfamiliar to me and so far less tangible. Many traditions teach that even our souls can get damaged, for example, through ‘sin’, though I prefer to believe that my soul is pure and untarnished whatever happens in this life.

The quality of my life, the inner peace I strive for, is heavily influenced by my overall health.

If I’m un-healthy in some way, then my energy is used dealing with that rather than getting on with life. We’ve all experienced the need to rest after an illness – our energy goes on recuperating.

The Healing Power Within

If I fell over and broke my leg I’d probably go to the doctor to fix me up, right? She/he would align the bones, put on a cast to keep my leg rigid and after several weeks the break will be mended.

Who healed me?

Neither I nor, in this case, the doctor do anything to heal my leg. Realigning the bones, administering chemicals (natural or otherwise!), resting, paying attention to how I’m moving are not ‘healing’ but all things that support the natural healing process and allow it to work smoother and faster. The healing takes place at a deeper level from within my organism and is really quite extraordinary – the other stuff is just helping this invisible process.

For me this is vitally important.

Keeping Healers In Their Rightful Place

  • Doctors don’t heal our bodies.
  • Therapists don’t heal our hearts.
  • Religious leaders don’t heal our souls.

No-one can heal me, no matter how much I’m told the opposite.

Healing is what happens within each of us and not something we receive from the outside. We can receive many things from the outside that can help the healing process, and those trained and experienced in healing different wounds have a lot to offer. But doing the healing is not one of them.

I want to keep so-called ‘healers’ in their right place – as people who can offer potential support to the healing that happens within.

I want to take responsibility for my own health and not abdicate to the ‘health’ industry in its myriad forms or to anyone else, for that matter. Nobody cares as much about my health as me and that’s exactly as it should be. I know plenty of people who go running to the health centre at the first sign of illness, for example, or whole communities living their spiritual lives by rules laid down by their local priest or guru.

Doctors, therapists and priests are not gods but most of them deserve respect for their experience and expertise in particular aspects of health and healing. I want to know when and where to seek the support and guidance of others – including those from the health industry with relevant expertise – but not pass responsibility to them.

I confess I don’t yet take as much care of my health as I would like and I’m not very well informed about the support available. I need to be in order to make sensible judgements. My own apporach is to avoid the health industry wherever I can and I don’t take especially great care of my health in all its forms.

Not yet anyway!

Taking Responsibility

What this means for me is:

1.   Recognise that most wounds (physical, emotional, spiritual) will heal

2.   Honour and respect the remarkable capacity for my being to heal

3.   Support the healing by creating the right conditions to allow the inner process to work its magic

4.   Give patience and time to the healing

5.   Call on those with relevant experience and never pass responsibility to them

And I want to always remember that nobody will ever care more about my health than me.

5 Ways To Live With Fear

Fear gets a lot of attention in the self development world – some of it rather negative.

Fear is one of the reasons that people don’t get what they want in life.

Fear is the most pervasive psychological problem we have today.

I disagree with this! Fear might not be very enjoyable but, as with many things I’m born with, is a wonderful tool! It’s like the lights on the dashboard of the car communicating that something urgently needs attention. When my needs for safety and security are compromised, fear is my internal warning sign.

Imagine having no mechanism to warn of danger. It would be like driving that car with no instrumentation, no headlights and with my eyes closed.

Exciting, yes, but probably a short-lived trip!

Fear becomes a problem when I misunderstand it, misuse it or allow it to hide what’s essential. I believe I need to develop my  personal relationship to fear on my path to inner peace.

Here are 5 traps I can fall into when I don’t effectively use the fear signal on my personal ‘dashboard of life’.

1.   Pull Out The Wires

If I don’t like the warning lights on the dashboard I can disconnect all the wires.

Hey presto! No fear!

If I can numb myself enough, fear won’t register and I can ignore danger. The price I pay is also to numb myself to all the wonderful things life can bring me.

Modern living gives me a whole range of possibilities for unplugging from the experience of living so if this is your chosen way to live with fear, then try some of these for enhanced effect:

  • take drugs – plenty are available legally, many without prescription
  • watch as much TV as possible – preferably soaps, reality TV and mindless game shows
  • get a routine job – the less mental and physical activity the better

2.   Dance In The Disco Lights

Picture a disco with lots of different lights coming from every direction.

Fear comes in many shapes and sizes, from mild nervousness through to paralysis and panic, and all the shades of fear try to grab my attention. These can be confusing and it’s not always easy to distinguish the feelings and read the signals. Some of that fear might be an urgent warning while others are gentle reminders of things needing attention.

Dancing the fear ‘disco lights’ is most likely from trouble differentiating between fear signals or it could be from an addiction to the adrenaline rush of living the life of a disco dancer (‘Saturday Night Fever’, anyone?).

If this is your way to live with fear:

  • live ‘on edge’ 24/7 – you never know when danger will come
  • treat all danger as equal and life threatening – well, it’s best to be safe isn’t it?
  • react immediately to the slightest sign of fear – don’t think, just do it
  • move as fast as possible from one trigger to the next
  • deal with multiple ‘emergencies’ at the same time.

3.  En-light-enment

If I have no attachment to anything at all I have no need of fear – it becomes a useless tool and disappears from my life.

Danger is only relevant if something I’m attached to is threatened in some way. If I’m not attached to anything then threats have no effect on me and I will feel no fear.

Probably.

Things I might typically be attached to:

  • money – fear of losing it or not having it
  • health – fear of getting sick, of disease
  • image – fear of looking stupid or making a fool of myself
  • life – fear of death.

I’ve heard some people define ‘enlightenment’ as the release of all attachment and hence the removal of fear. This can be a very seductive idea and I’ve met a few people who live by this philosophy. It’s hard to have much of a conversation with them as they seem to be floating in the air and there’s little common ground!

If this is the way you choose to live with(out) fear then be prepared to lose:

  • all possessions
  • everyone you know
  • your identification to everything other than your spiritual core
  • life itself.

That’s not to say you will lose these things, but your reaction to doing so is the only sure way I can think of to test whether you have lost attachment or not.

[On a side note: I find this a great way to look at life, but not especially practical for the vast majority of us. I do want to make conscious choices about the attachments I form, accepting fear as a possible price I pay. For example, I am attached to my own life and those I care about - I accept this comes with some fear when those are threatened.]

4.   Seduced By Bright Lights

There are plenty of people out there with an interest in keeping me afraid.

Not least of which are all those working in organisations profiting from my fear. The more afraid they make me, the more they profit – and I’m not talking about some secret mafia!

a.  Insurance

It’s  a dangerous world so insurance seems a very sensible thing to buy. The industry has a vested interest in pointing out all the things that can go wrong – theft, flood, accident, illness, old age. Even acts of God (though if I read the fine print I may find I’m not actually covered for those!).

b.  Banking

My money is clearly not safe so, for a small fee, banks will look after it and protect it. After all banks never fail, do they?

c.   Defence

The companies involved in defence might not sell to me directly, but they need my support to ensure vast budgets (from my taxes) are allocated to them. The more I fear foreign invasion, terrorists and attacks on my precious way of life, the more I’ll support money for soldiers, weapons and expensive trips to foreign lands.

d.   Health

Most of the ‘health’ industry is, in fact, more interested in my sickness than my health. There’s not much profit in me staying fit and well all the time.

e.   Media

Disaster, pain, suffering, violence gets my fear-adrenaline flowing in way that warm, safe stories don’t. It’s addictive and it sells.

f.   Government

Obviously my government passionately wants me to be happy and fulfilled with life. I have to vote for them, though, and an effective political tool is to generate fear – of economic collapse, invasion by foreign armies, cheap foreign labour and subversive ideas.

Ways to get seduced by all these shining lights:

  • buy and read as many different newspapers and magazines as possible – the more sensational the better
  • watch / listen to 24 hour News channels
  • spend as much time as possible around politicians
  • invite an insurance salesperson around for coffee
  • get to know your bank manager (like in  the good old days!).

5.   Blinded By The Light

Ever caught a rabbit in your headlights?

They sit there, unable to move. We tend to think this a very stupid thing but it’s a very valid fear mechanism – I imagine it worked pretty well before the advent of the motor car.

Freezing in the face of fear works if the danger will pass by without bothering me. It can also be as effective as it is for the rabbit going head to head with a fast approaching vehicle!

I have this paralysis response as part of my fear/safety toolkit. I’ve been in tight spots where I was completely unable to do anything. I’ve also been motionless in the face of nervousness around things I really want to do. And sure enough, those great opportunities just fly past withouth paying me any attention!

Here’s a few tips to get in the mood for this approach:

  • list all the exciting things you’d like to do in this lifetime
  • against each item note all the things that could go wrong
  • ge creative, e.g. if it involves flying – write down all the possible ways the plane might crash
  • visualisation – close your eyes and for each disaster scenario imagine you are in the middle of the crisis.

Any tips you’d like to share for allowing fear to dominate your life?