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Posts Tagged ‘Choice’

5 Ways To Live With Fear

Feb 15th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
5 comments

Fear gets a lot of attention in the self development world – some of it rather negative.

Fear is one of the reasons that people don’t get what they want in life.

Fear is the most pervasive psychological problem we have today.

I disagree with this! Fear might not be very enjoyable but, as with many things I’m born with, is a wonderful tool! It’s like the lights on the dashboard of the car communicating that something urgently needs attention. When my needs for safety and security are compromised, fear is my internal warning sign.

Imagine having no mechanism to warn of danger. It would be like driving that car with no instrumentation, no headlights and with my eyes closed.

Exciting, yes, but probably a short-lived trip!

Fear becomes a problem when I misunderstand it, misuse it or allow it to hide what’s essential. I believe I need to develop my  personal relationship to fear on my path to inner peace.

Here are 5 traps I can fall into when I don’t effectively use the fear signal on my personal ‘dashboard of life’.

1.   Pull Out The Wires

If I don’t like the warning lights on the dashboard I can disconnect all the wires.

Hey presto! No fear!

If I can numb myself enough, fear won’t register and I can ignore danger. The price I pay is also to numb myself to all the wonderful things life can bring me.

Modern living gives me a whole range of possibilities for unplugging from the experience of living so if this is your chosen way to live with fear, then try some of these for enhanced effect:

  • take drugs – plenty are available legally, many without prescription
  • watch as much TV as possible – preferably soaps, reality TV and mindless game shows
  • get a routine job – the less mental and physical activity the better

2.   Dance In The Disco Lights

Picture a disco with lots of different lights coming from every direction.

Fear comes in many shapes and sizes, from mild nervousness through to paralysis and panic, and all the shades of fear try to grab my attention. These can be confusing and it’s not always easy to distinguish the feelings and read the signals. Some of that fear might be an urgent warning while others are gentle reminders of things needing attention.

Dancing the fear ‘disco lights’ is most likely from trouble differentiating between fear signals or it could be from an addiction to the adrenaline rush of living the life of a disco dancer (‘Saturday Night Fever’, anyone?).

If this is your way to live with fear:

  • live ‘on edge’ 24/7 – you never know when danger will come
  • treat all danger as equal and life threatening – well, it’s best to be safe isn’t it?
  • react immediately to the slightest sign of fear – don’t think, just do it
  • move as fast as possible from one trigger to the next
  • deal with multiple ‘emergencies’ at the same time.

3.  En-light-enment

If I have no attachment to anything at all I have no need of fear – it becomes a useless tool and disappears from my life.

Danger is only relevant if something I’m attached to is threatened in some way. If I’m not attached to anything then threats have no effect on me and I will feel no fear.

Probably.

Things I might typically be attached to:

  • money – fear of losing it or not having it
  • health – fear of getting sick, of disease
  • image – fear of looking stupid or making a fool of myself
  • life – fear of death.

I’ve heard some people define ‘enlightenment’ as the release of all attachment and hence the removal of fear. This can be a very seductive idea and I’ve met a few people who live by this philosophy. It’s hard to have much of a conversation with them as they seem to be floating in the air and there’s little common ground!

If this is the way you choose to live with(out) fear then be prepared to lose:

  • all possessions
  • everyone you know
  • your identification to everything other than your spiritual core
  • life itself.

That’s not to say you will lose these things, but your reaction to doing so is the only sure way I can think of to test whether you have lost attachment or not.

[On a side note: I find this a great way to look at life, but not especially practical for the vast majority of us. I do want to make conscious choices about the attachments I form, accepting fear as a possible price I pay. For example, I am attached to my own life and those I care about - I accept this comes with some fear when those are threatened.]

4.   Seduced By Bright Lights

There are plenty of people out there with an interest in keeping me afraid.

Not least of which are all those working in organisations profiting from my fear. The more afraid they make me, the more they profit – and I’m not talking about some secret mafia!

a.  Insurance

It’s  a dangerous world so insurance seems a very sensible thing to buy. The industry has a vested interest in pointing out all the things that can go wrong – theft, flood, accident, illness, old age. Even acts of God (though if I read the fine print I may find I’m not actually covered for those!).

b.  Banking

My money is clearly not safe so, for a small fee, banks will look after it and protect it. After all banks never fail, do they?

c.   Defence

The companies involved in defence might not sell to me directly, but they need my support to ensure vast budgets (from my taxes) are allocated to them. The more I fear foreign invasion, terrorists and attacks on my precious way of life, the more I’ll support money for soldiers, weapons and expensive trips to foreign lands.

d.   Health

Most of the ‘health’ industry is, in fact, more interested in my sickness than my health. There’s not much profit in me staying fit and well all the time.

e.   Media

Disaster, pain, suffering, violence gets my fear-adrenaline flowing in way that warm, safe stories don’t. It’s addictive and it sells.

f.   Government

Obviously my government passionately wants me to be happy and fulfilled with life. I have to vote for them, though, and an effective political tool is to generate fear – of economic collapse, invasion by foreign armies, cheap foreign labour and subversive ideas.

Ways to get seduced by all these shining lights:

  • buy and read as many different newspapers and magazines as possible – the more sensational the better
  • watch / listen to 24 hour News channels
  • spend as much time as possible around politicians
  • invite an insurance salesperson around for coffee
  • get to know your bank manager (like in  the good old days!).

5.   Blinded By The Light

Ever caught a rabbit in your headlights?

They sit there, unable to move. We tend to think this a very stupid thing but it’s a very valid fear mechanism – I imagine it worked pretty well before the advent of the motor car.

Freezing in the face of fear works if the danger will pass by without bothering me. It can also be as effective as it is for the rabbit going head to head with a fast approaching vehicle!

I have this paralysis response as part of my fear/safety toolkit. I’ve been in tight spots where I was completely unable to do anything. I’ve also been motionless in the face of nervousness around things I really want to do. And sure enough, those great opportunities just fly past withouth paying me any attention!

Here’s a few tips to get in the mood for this approach:

  • list all the exciting things you’d like to do in this lifetime
  • against each item note all the things that could go wrong
  • ge creative, e.g. if it involves flying – write down all the possible ways the plane might crash
  • visualisation – close your eyes and for each disaster scenario imagine you are in the middle of the crisis.

Any tips you’d like to share for allowing fear to dominate your life?

Vegetarian Living – One Year On

Jan 26th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
38 comments

One year ago I stopped eating meat of any kind which was a pretty big step for me. Even bigger is that I’ve kept it up and now the idea of eating meat is just repugnant to me.

That’s quite something coming from a person who has a very limited track record of sticking to anything for long. It’s also from someone who was an avid and enthusiastic carnivore until this time last year.

I wrote an article last year about some of the benefits I’d noticed (‘6 Reasons Eating Vegetarian Food Is Best‘) and I thought it about time to update that and add in some new insights now the novelty has worn off.

1. Less Sleep

This was something I noticed almost immediately and it surprised me – cutting out meat seems to have reduced the amount of sleep I need. Initially this was 90 minutes a night but it seems to have stabilised to around an hour. Even so, this is a huge benefit for me and means I can either enjoy a slow winding up for the day or simply get more done.

When I wrote about this before some people reacted that it was probably something else I did that caused it. Obviously I can’t scientifically prove that cutting meat means less sleep and I know we all work differently on a physical level. Intuitively, I’m sure it was the cause and that’s good enough for me.

2.  Feeling Healthier

Gone are the days of an unpleasant heavy sensation in my stomach after a big meat meal. I remember it felt as though I’d swallowed a big ball of flesh that my stomach was having a hard time to digest. I find it hard to over-eat on a staple of veggies, rice, dairy and pulses. I guess it’s that they’re bulkier and fill the stomach faster.

I just feel better in my body most of the time.

I’ve stopped during the winter months, but over the summer I felt like exercising daily – something I’ve not done for many years. I’m pretty sure my running shoes will see the daylight again once the temperature rises and I can safely jog without risking a heart attack from the biting cold.

Actually I don’t think this is anything to do with a vegetarian diet being physically any healthier. It’s more that my mental health is improved – as if the act of stopping meat was cleansing in itself.

3.  Saving Money

Meat is definitely more expensive – both at home and eating out – and I’ve saved some money on grocery bills. I’ve also substituted some of those savings to buy organic and ecological where possible. I find it sad and frustrating that non-mass-produced food is so much more expensive than factory-made but that’s one of the wonderful results of capitalism and the market economy!

Ideally, I’d love to grow and eat some of my own food but that will have to wait until I move out of the city and into the countryside and have some land to use. For now, all food is bought and with another mouth to feed any day now, the small savings of a vegetarian diet are very welcome.

4.  Speed versus Choice

Cutting out a whole food group clearly has consequences on the amount of choice when deciding what to eat. I eat out less than I used to and the smaller number of options on most menus is one of the reasons. I’m not complaining but just noticing it. On one hand it’s a logical consequence of not eating meat and, by definition, there’s always going to be less choice for me in any non-vegetarian restaurant.

Eastern Europe (and not only) does not cater well to those who don’t eat flesh. Restaurants catering for vegetarians are extremely rare and on a typical restaurant menu I estimate around 95% of non-sweet dishes contain meat. That saves me a lot of time when choosing from a menu but makes it far less enjoyable to eat out.

5.  More Highly Evolved

This one is hard for me and a constant struggle.

I noticed it right away, I fight it, I’m not proud of it … but I have caught myself looking down on meat eaters as less evolved human beings. It comes out as smugness, snide and unpleasant comments to family and friends as well as holding my head a little higher as I come out of the organic shop with my latest healthy purchase.

That sounds absolutely terrible, doesn’t it?

And it is.

I hope this is a passing ‘obnoxious’ phase as I fully develop into, and own, being a non-meat eater. Most of my family and friends eat meat. In fact, the majority of the human race eats meat and I really do respect whatever dietary choices people choose. At the same time I can’t shake this idea that myself I’m now more developed than I was as a meat eater.

I just wish I didn’t take it further and make the leap that I’m superior to others. That’s just arrogant and wrong!

6.  I am NOT ‘A Vegetarian’

When people notice that I don’t have any meat on my plate I’m quite often asked, ‘Are you a vegetarian?’ as though it’s some strange and mysterious breed of creature.

Often I just answer ‘yes’ because I’m too lazy to explain but I really don’t like being labelled for anything – relating to what I eat is no exception. There’s no label for ‘meat eater’ (well, except for ‘meat eater’) so why have one for people who don’t eat meat? Lumping large numbers of people together in a single unified category is dangerous and doesn’t get us anywhere.

I once worked in a very posh training centre close to Brussels. They had a professional chef who was very good and took great pride in his cooking. He also had a belief that ‘vegetarians’ are crazy, stupid and a sure sign of the decay of the modern world. He reluctantly catered for them, but I was always a little nervous that he might poison them. I’ve no doubt that some ‘vegetarians’ are crazy and stupid, but then some meat eaters are not well balanced either.

7.  Separate Meals

While I may hold this belief that giving up meat was a positive step in my personal development, I’m not so arrogant to impose that on anyone else. I regard it as a personal choice and I continue to serve meat for other people (mainly my kids and Mona).

I also don’t expect anyone to prepare something special for me when we socialise. I’m quite ok to eat what everyone else is eating – just skipping the meat dishes. I’m fortunate that all my family are very supportive and go out of their way to prepare special veggie meals when I visit, and I’m really grateful for and touched by that.

Mona gave up meat at the same time I did, but her pregnancy kind of sabotaged that. I’m not saying that vegetarianism and pregnancy don’t go together – but she did succumb to a craving for fish and a little meat. We both believe that our bodies give us clear signs about what we’re missing, and she took the cravings as just that. I also spend a lot of time as single father to my 6 year old and I prepare meat for her.

I guess if my vegetarianism was morally driven then I’d not do that, but it’s not, so I do.

The downside, of course, is extra complexity, waste and more energy consumption in preparing meals. I sometimes wonder if it’s just pure self indulgence on my side but then I look at the bigger picture of my life and I stay with it.

8.  Do I Miss Anything?

I’ve not had any desire to eat meat from mammals.

I did pass a grill in the summer and enjoyed the smell of cooking meat – but not enough to actually eat it. I feel very comfortable with the thought that I’ll never eat cow, pig, sheep or chicken again before I die.

I do miss fish and seafood, though, and in particular sushi.

Not sure how that will play out this year and I’m just going to see where that takes me. I know from past experience that the more I fight something, the greater power I give it. Fortunately Mona doesn’t like seafood at all, so we never buy it.

It could just be a passing phase – or I may start eating a little fish now and then.

Overall this year has been a very positive experience and if anyone is thinking about stopping meat I highly recommend you give it a try.

Sting Of The Scorpion

Jan 19th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
13 comments

Scorpion wants to cross the river so approaches Crocodile to ask for a lift to the other side.

“Scorpion!“, replies Crocodile. “Do you think I’m crazy? I’ll get half way across the river and you’ll stab me with that sting of yours. I’m a crocodile, not an idiot.”

“Oh, Mr. Crocodile!” replies Scorpion. “I’m no idiot either. If I sting you in the middle of the river you’ll sink to the bottom and, as I can’t swim, I’ll surely drown! Now, I think you’ll agree that would be very idiotic of me to kill both of us. And … I promise not to sting you.”

Crocodile thinks about this for a moment, is swayed by the logic in what he hears and agrees to take Scorpion across the river. They set off, Scorpion safely nestled on his back.

In the middle of the river, Scorpion brings out his sting and stabs Crocodile in the neck. Crocodile turns his head to look at Scorpion and with his dying breathe asks,

“Why did you do that? We’re both going to die. It just doesn’t make any sense. And you promised!”

Scorpion shrugs his shoulders.

“It’s not my fault. Hey. I’m a scorpion and that’s what scorpions do.“

I was brought up on a staple diet of happy endings, so when I first heard this ancient fable, I was shocked. How could the scorpion do that? What kind of cruel, dark world does this point to? Are we really trapped by some pre-determined programming – and if so, what is it?

There are many things in this story. Trust, the irrationality of behaviour, the occasional cruelty of life. There’s one area, though, I’m going to focus on here.

Trapped By Our Nature?

The one that strikes me most is how much violence is justified by thinking we’re trapped by some pre-determined programming. At the most obvious level it’s the commonly held belief that we’re by nature violent hunters. I don’t want to tread on worn ground here … but, come on! Just look at our bodies. Where are the vicious claws or the hunter’s teeth?

Even if we were pre-programmed towards violence, rather than peace, it doesn’t mean we have no choice.

We’re not like the scorpion, no matter how comforting it might be to hide behind this. It’s comforting because if we’re fulfilling some pre-formed conditioning then we don’t have to take responsibility for our actions. The scorpion shrugs his shoulders and says, “It’s not my fault. I’m not responsible for stabbing you.”

I’m reminded of those horrific situations where ‘terrorists’ take hostages and issue demands, threatening to harm the captives if they’re not met. It’s usually followed (at least in Hollywood movies) by some comment like, “If you don’t meet our demands, the hostage’s blood will be on your hands. It will be your fault if we kill them.”

The unspoken assumption is , “Hey ! We’re ‘terrorists’ and that’s what ‘terrorists’ do. IT’S NOT OUR FAULT.”

Give me a break!

Our genes and our upbringing no doubt shape us, but at a certain point we have to take responsibility for our lives and our behaviour.

“My mother didn’t love me enough. My father was never around. I went to a bad school,” might work up to the age of sixteen (maybe a bit later for some). As an adult they’re feeble excuses for not making different choices about what we do.

[I know my Mum reads this from time to time, so Mum - these comments are not mine and they're not directed at you or Dad.]

Day to Day Identification

If I’m honest I often unconsciously identify myself with something and then act out from that identification. When I’m unaware then it’s hard to do something about it, difficult to recognise I have a choice.

One reason I’m passionate about self-development is that it helps bring those hidden things into the light. It helps me identify when my scorpion sting is busy wreaking havoc with my life.

When I’m aware, I have more capacity to choose the actions that make life better for myself and those around me. It’s a long and sometimes rocky road and one without a particular destination other than a desire to make a positive contribution to the world.

A couple of examples I noticed over the last years:

  • I’m an introvert – which I use to justify withdrawing from the world, closing down from time to time with even those people closest to me, and avoiding social situations like the plague.

The sting? Depression, loneliness, loss of friendships, lethargy … and it’s confusing, frustrating and worrying for people in my life.

  • I’m a man – which justifies a whole range of ‘manly’ things such as using logic in emotional situations, an almost obsessive desire to fix things and a refusal to ask for directions even when hopelessly lost.

The sting? Trouble dealing with the inherent messiness of life and relating to emotionally charged situations … and again it’s frustrating and disconnecting for others (especially the females in my life).

Noticing these things doesn’t necessarily change what I do but it does make my actions conscious and I’m more likely to manage the fall-out. For example, I still withdraw – but it’s a conscious choice and I can communicate to those around me that I need my space right now rather than mysteriously disappearing.

I take the venom out of the scorpion sting.

I don’t drown and those around me don’t get poisoned.

We all make it safely to other side.

What do you identify with and act out?

What difference would it make to you and others if you did so consciously?

PS I forgot to mention that my star sign is Scorpio. If I ever sting you then please forgive me … it’s just the way I am ;-)

Letting Go, Moving On

Jan 4th, 2010
by ianpeatey.
29 comments

We’ve lost many of the rituals and rites of passage that marked important transitions. One we’ve thankfully retained is celebrating the change from one year to the next. It can be easy to forget, though, as we party and toast the New Year that to move forward we have to let go of some of what has gone before or we risk getting tied down by the threads of our past.

Life is like a circus trapeze act. Imagine the acrobat, the bar gripped firmly in her hands. Ahead is the bar she needs to grab onto. That bar ahead is the future and the graceful, effortless flight from one bar to the next is the acrobat’s purpose, her reason for being.

One crucial thing has to happen before flying through the air and safely arriving on the next bar.

She has to let go of the bar she currently holds.

So in life.

We have to let go before we can move forward.

Letting Go Is Not Always Easy

I’ve not yet flown on a trapeze but I imagine one thing the acrobat needs to deal with is fear of letting go.

That fear is understandable.

What is in my grasp is familiar and safe and, no matter how attractive the way ahead, I fear a fall. No matter how painful it is where I am, letting go comes with uncertainty. Will the change be better or worse? Will I manage to hold on? Will I cope?

I believe understanding and releasing what holds me back is crucial to live a full and successful life – and there’s no time like the present for doing it.

We hold on to … PEOPLE

Not one of us is entirely alone. Some have huge circles of family, friends and acquaintances, while others have very few people around. Some of those relationships have been with us for many years and some are new. Each one of them serves some purpose in our lives – to give us love, belonging, learning, friendship, partnership or just fun.

Mourning is widely recognised as an important process when someone dies, when a relationship breaks down or when someone moves away. Even though it can be very hard when they leave, we somehow recognise the importance of letting go when the relationship end is outside our control.

But what about those people who are still in our lives and hold us back in some way?

Those who criticise our choices and are always looking for fault (some ‘friends’ or members of the family, perhaps?). Those we’ve known for ever and the only thing holding us together are memories of a distant past (old friends?). Those with whom we are ‘unnaturally’ dependent (grown up children? parents?). Or perhaps just those we don’t enjoy any more and somehow still keep meeting them.

Who is holding you back in some way? Who are you holding onto?

It’s probably time to update the relationship with an honest heart to heart and either change something or leave them – with gratitude for what they brought to you.

We hold on to … MEMORIES

Great things happen to all of us. Terrible things do too.

That’s life.

Often we hold onto the past long after the events have finished. We get nostalgic for our memories of better days and we get triggered into pain or anger by memories of things we’d prefer to forget.

The past is dead – but not buried for as long as we keep it alive in our memory. And as with all things that are dead, memories decompose and fester.

The good memories take on a sweet, rose coloured decay and, while they may be comforting in difficult moments, they are dead and gone. They stop us living our lives here and now. They make it harder to deal with the challenges of today because our energy is sucked into regret for the lost times that have been.

And the bad memories get relived over and over in our minds, bring us down and rot our hearts. They also stop us living our lives here and now. They keep us stuck in anger at the things that, in a just and loving world, should not have occurred. The reality is that they did happen – just we haven’t buried them yet.

What memories are you holding onto? What unburied things do you keep alive in your memory?

Perhaps it’s time to let them go and move on? Release them by talking to someone or maybe writing them down and burning the paper. It may not happen overnight but take a first step.

We hold on to … THINGS

Unless you’re a naked hermit living in a cave and off the land you’ve probably accumulated a few material possessions. Perhaps even a lot of them.

Of course we need some physical things to support our lives, for convenience or because they look good. I’m certainly not advocating removing everything. I am advocating being honest with ourselves about what things hold us back from making the next move in our lives.

Maybe it’s our home and the mortgage attached to it? Investments where we’re often checking the share prices? Furniture that we inherited? Or perhaps small things, such as gifts or paintings by the kids, that represent old memories?

Each thing we possess needs a certain amount of maintenance – repairs, cleaning, painting, servicing, etc..

But there’s also emotional maintenance we invest in these objects. The resignation (or delight?) that we’re stuck in this house for the next 24 years of mortgage payments. The pride as we show off our child’s prize drawing from 18 years ago. The worry that grandma’s antique table will get scratched every time someone visits.

I sometimes imagine everything I own is attached to me by an invisible thread. Some threads are thick and strong, while others are thin and easily broken. Individually, each thread is manageable and doesn’t hold me back in any significant way. Collectively, if I allow it, they tangle me up and tie me down.

What things hold you back?

Now’s a good time to let go of some of the things that weigh you down and hold you back. Sell them, give them away or discard them. Put them into storage if you really can’t face letting them go – but make that first move.

We hold on to … DREAMS

Personally I believe it’s our hopes and dreams that give us fuel to create great things in our world. Our dreams of how things could be, shape our actions to improve our lives and those of the people around us. I don’t know for sure, but I suspect only human beings possess the capacity to dream and to lose that entirely would be a terrible thing.

I also believe if we hold onto dreams when they no longer serve us they get in the way of moving forward. Letting go and mourning unfulfilled dreams is crucial to give space to new, more compelling dreams.

Maybe our life turned out differently compared to the dreams we had when we were younger. A project we dreamed of winning that went to someone else. A person we dreamed of being with who chose another. Any disappointment, regret or anger we feel in relation to our dreams is possibly a sign we haven’t moved on and are still hanging on.

What dreams have passed their shelf life and need to be discarded?

Now’s the time to mourn those dreams and let them go. Find new, better dreams that could flourish in the space you give them to grow.

A book I can recommend is ‘Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes’ by William Bridges. I found this incredibly helpful at several stages of my life where I was struggling to deal with change and letting go of the past.

Good luck! Enjoy the flight from the past to the present.

Start Here – Passion and Compassion

Dec 9th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
13 comments

There’s a lot of sickness, cold calculation, hatred and violence in the world. It’s easy to forget the opposite is also true and resign ourselves to the ills of the world. I don’t believe I can directly or easily change other people – nor do I necessarily have the ‘right’ to do so.

553298_old_man

What I can do is start with myself and trust that it makes a difference.

There are three things I consider important:

  1. Look after myself
  2. Live with passion
  3. Choose compassion and peace.

1.   Look After Myself

Maybe you’ve heard the story (or similar) about the favourite uncle who lived to 105 years smoking 2 packs of cigarettes a day and staying stubbornly overweight all his life. The conclusion is the secret to long life is to smoke and eat a lot.

Clearly this is false logic.

The uncle (if he indeed was real) was an exception and not the rule. Long life came despite the nicotine and excessive calories, not because of it. Just because it’s possible to live a long life no matter how I abuse myself doesn’t make it probable.

Looking after myself improves my chances I maintain the inner resources for a full, happy and meaningful life. It’s about looking after my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.

It’s about:

  • choosing to put things into my body that are healthy
  • keeping in shape
  • developing my awareness of and listening to my emotions
  • constantly questioning my assumptions and beliefs in the sure knowledge that I can never be certain of anything (except that I can never be certain)
  • seeking out new experiences, people, ways of seeing the world, ideas, bodies of learning
  • finding and maintaining a spiritual practice.

2.   Live With Passion

860335_bungy_rideLisis over at Quest For Balance recently published an article ‘The Passion Paradox’ about passion. She writes about what she calls the modern day ’snake oil’ salespeople promising easy riches if only you follow your passion in life. She points out the same false logic as the ‘favourite uncle’ story – if Mr/Mrs X followed their life’s passion and got rich it does not mean everyone will do the same.

There are many people in the world who have accumulated a lot of wealth – and there are far more who haven’t. Wealth, of course, doesn’t define any of us as human beings unless we allow it. Passion is much closer to defining who we are.

As Lisis writes:

we should bring our passion into anything we do, with no expectation of profit

Passion is about how I manifest myself in the world – defining what I choose to do and what I give of myself when I do it. If I’m passionate about what I do, results are secondary. I might change the world. I might get ridiculously wealthy.

I might not.

If I do something out of passion – I do it for myself, not for others. If I live with passion – with all my resources – mind, heart and soul – the results don’t matter. When the results matter to other people, when what I do is valuable to them, I might get some feedback. I might receive praise, appreciation, and yes, perhaps even money. The more people touched by what I do, the more I’ll likely receive.

It’s about:

  • Knowing what gets me excited, interested, motivated
  • Doing things that give me pride and a sense of achievement
  • Caring about what I do and how I do it
  • Eliminating as many of the things that don’t excite me and I don’t care about.

3.   Choose Compassion and Peace

How I relate and treat the people around me is a choice I make.

When I choose compassion over hate I build bridges, heal wounds in me and others, bring gentleness instead of  harshness.When I choose peace over violence I calm things down, I connect rather than separate and I create in  place of destruction.

Most importantly when I’m compassionate and peaceful with others I’m also loving to myself. And that’s much more powerful than hate and violence. It may not be as obvious, may not be as immediate but it’s effects are far deeper and last much longer.

It’s about:

  • Valuing each and every human being
  • Reaching out when I feel like withdrawing
  • Holding out my hand not my fist
  • Taking responsibility for my life and not pretending I’m a victim of others.

Finally

Healthy living doesn’t guarantee a long happy life. Following your passion won’t necessarily make you rich. Choosing compassion and peace won’t eliminate hate and violence.

These things don’t come with any guarantees – but that’s not a good reason to choose the opposite.

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