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24 Moments Of Peace

Nov 23rd, 2009
by ianpeatey.
14 comments

Each of us starts our day waking from sleep – the most peaceful of states. Keeping that state of peace can be tough, especially as we bustle through a typical day getting things done. Even harder for those surrounded by city chaos or who work in a factory or an office.

I found one way is to take regular ‘Moments Of Peace’ – short oases of attention to allow the turmoil of the day to fall away and recharge my inner space.

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Here are 24, easily available moments to get you through the day.

Start Of The Day

1.     Before everything starts

I always aim to get up early, before the rest of the city wakes. You don’t even need to go out to feel the fresh energy of the new day. Whatever went before was yesterday and today is a chance to start again.

Imagine you’re standing with your back against an impenetrable wall and know there’s no turning back. Remember the rest of your life starts now, this moment, and you have this new day to take your first steps into it.

2.     Sunrise

The ancients worshipped the sun as the bringer of all life and heralded the sunrise as the daily metamorphosis from night to day. This time of day is full of expectation for the new day, cool before the sun brings its warmth, dark before it brings its light.

Watch as the sun slowly appears from below the horizon and gradually shows its face.

3.     In traffic

Sitting in traffic can be very frustrating, if you choose it to be. Alternatively you could let go of your desire to control things and relax into the uncontrollable. There is nothing you can do to make the cars move faster, no matter how hard you will it.

So stop willing it, relax your body in the safety of the metal cocoon you call your car.

At Work

1005499_alone_in_the_office_24.     Arrive early

I don’t recommend it as a habit, necessarily (though avoiding the traffic can be a huge benefit) but from time to time can be very refreshing. No phone calls, no one wanting your time is an ideal moment to be with yourself and your thoughts.

A few hours early before everyone else arrives can allow concentrated, stress free time.

5.     Mundane tasks

I had a period where I would photocopy binders for training courses I was running even though I had an assistant who was paid to do this, and more than capable than I! The repetitive and mundane nature of the work allowed me to calm down.

Find something with a rhythm, turn off your brain and just be with the task at hand.

6.     Waiting

Waiting for a meeting (or ‘not-waiting‘)? Put aside your impatience and idea that this is wasted time and enjoy the moment of no obligation and nothing to do but sit and wait.

Stop checking the clock as it won’t make time pass any faster, and sit back and let time itself hold you.

7.     In the toilet

Strange thing to suggest, I know, but it’s probably the only place where you can almost guarantee that nobody is going to pester you. Don’t use it more often than is biologically necessary or you may get stuck with a reputation.

Close your eyes (to forget the location) and enjoy those few uninterrupted moments of solitude.

8.     Go for a walk

Even in the middle of a city or an industrial park there are open spaces. They may not be green and beautiful but any change of scene, or move outside into the air (ideally fresh!) can be a wonderful way to gain composure.

Figure something out or just to take a short peace break.

Out And About

9.     Church or temple

Places of worship hold the prayers of the ages in respectful silence. You don’t need to have any religious convictions to use them as an escape from the rush of the streets. Here there is no space to be busy, just you and the divine. Or you and nothingness, if that’s closer to your beliefs.

Find a quiet place to sit and take in the sacred energy available for all those willing to tune into it.

10.     People watching

You can do this anywhere at all. A café, a bench or just sit on the steps and stop. The peaceful moment is in the contrast between your tranquillity amongst the chaos.

Sit and watch the people rushing to work, home or meeting as you take a moment to be rather than do.

11.     Watching clouds

We owe our lives to the clouds. Contemplate a world with no clouds – no rain, no plants, no animals, no food, no life. Lose yourself in the ever changing shapes and patterns across the sky.

What pictures, what messages can you see in the clouds?

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12.     Hugging trees

Yes, it’s a hippy thing, but just try it. Trees are often unnoticed, yet everywhere.  Feel the bark under your fingers, imagine the roots burying deep into the ground and allow yourself to be held in its strength. Ask yourself what events has it witnessed?

Put aside the New Age associations (if that helps), find the oldest tree you can and put your arms around it.

13.     Swings

I know kids playgrounds are meant for children, but we all have a child deep inside. There’s something deeply peaceful about moving without purpose, knowing that no matter how hard you push, you’re just not going to get anywhere.

Find a free swing and just sway back and forward, feeling the air on your face.

14.     On safari

If safari to Africa is out of reach then create your own local one. Animals of all kinds are everywhere, in plain view or hidden away. You can find them in the fields, forests, gardens or walking down the street.

Spend a moment searching for as many species of mammal, bird or insect as you can and remind yourself that you share the world with them. Do this with your kids for an extra bonus.

Anytime, Anywhere

15.     Breathe

Three deep, controlled breaths with full concentration on the in and out works wonders to remove stress, emotion and find the peaceful place underneath. When you’re tense your breathing becomes short and shallow but you rarely notice it.

Bring your awareness here and savour the air as it fills your lungs. Exhale and allow all the stuff you’re holding onto to leave your body. Three times. In and out.

16.     Conscious clearing of thoughts

Takes some practice, preferably a quiet place to sit and maybe one of the various techniques available.

Try this one. Imagine an empty sky in your mind’s eye. Thoughts appear as clouds floating slowly across the sky. The thoughts gradually change shape and slowly disappear from view or are vaporised by the sun shining in your sky.

800982_stop

17.     Stop what you’re doing right now

This is probably the easiest and the hardest at the same time. Most of us keep busy all the time and find it very difficult to get out of it. A time of no tasks, no movement, no thoughts.

Just stop! Everything. Allow the wave of time to pass without responding to the impulse to surf it.

18.     Count to ten

It’s a cliché, I know, but it does work. A conscious, slow count from one to ten provides a rhythm and an inner slowing down. Don’t rush it and do count all those numbers to feel the stress fall away bit by bit with each number.

One … two … three … four … five … six … seven … eight … nine … ten.

At Home

19.     Doing the chores

Most chores can be turned into a meditative routine and so present an opportunity to switch brain to off and lose yourself in the task.

Ironing, washing up or washing the car require almost zero brainpower – use them to turn brain off.

20.     Sunset

Watch as the sun slowly disappears below the horizon and gradually hides its face. As the day draws to a close, remember what the day has brought you. Things to be grateful for, things to mourn over, things gained, things lost.

Who touched you in some way during this day? Who did you touch in some way?

1165884_water_drops21.     Cleaning your body

Take a long hot bath, a short shower or just a moment to splash cold water on your face and allow your tension and troubles to be washed away with the dirt. Enjoy the freshness outside and inside.

Imagine everything that weighs you down right now disappearing into the drains with the water – flowing far, far away until they are gone.

22.     Gazing into eyes

They say that our eyes are the window to our souls. Our souls are beyond all the cares and worries of our physical world and, while we may not always be in touch with our own, we can access that place through the eyes of another.

Gaze deeply into the eyes of one you love and be transported to a place where there is only peace and tranquility.

23.     Hug

Consider how much peace there is in the innocence of a hug. Or how much peace in the safety you give in your hug. No expectation, no attempt to get anything – just the desire for two people to be close and wrapped in each other’s warmth.

Hug someone close to you and the moment you would normally break the embrace, stay with it and go deeper into that physical connection.

24.     When all is done

That moment at the end of the day when all is done. Chores are finished, computer is off, TV is shut down, lights are going off, bathroom routine finished. Before settling down to sleep take a moment to allow the days’ activities to fall away.

Nothing is left for the day …

… only peace.

Book Review: Inner Productivity

Oct 15th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
10 comments

It is with some humility that I’m writing this, my very first book review.

Even more so because the book I’m reviewing was written by Chris Edgar, one of my virtual friends, a regular contributor here and author of Purpose, Power, Coaching.

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Yes, Chris has written a book and he was kind and trusting enough to send me a review copy.

INNER PRODUCTIVITY: A Mindful Path to Efficiency and Enjoyment in Your Work

It’s a real book, mind, with paper pages bound together and not one of those modern eBook thingys! At nearly 200 pages it’s neither a quick read nor a door stop and about the right length, in fact!

Overview

This book is about cultivating what I call inner productivity—the mental and emotional state that allows you to get the most done and find the most enjoyment in your work

I think Chris is underselling because this book is not only relevant to our working life, but to everything we do.

My first impression when I scanned it was, ‘Wow. I could have written this book.’

I don’t mean I could actually have written it – but that Chris sees the world in a way that’s very close to how I approach life. For me the book is a peek inside myself and full of practical exercises and mini case studies drawn from his work as a coach. He cleverly bridges hard business ideas about productivity to spiritual and other ways of working with our inner world.

If you’ve read any comments by Chris then you may, like me, have been impressed by his depth and the practical advice he offers. His book is a little like reading a thousand of his great comments all rolled together.

Inside the Cover

There are four main sections to the book. I don’t want to give too much away so will just give a small taste of what each is about.

1   Your Inner Experience of Working

How we see the world is not the same as how the world actually is. When we realise this we take power back into our hands and find liberation – we’re no longer victims of the world, but creators.

2   Attention

Where we place our attention is crucial in accessing the state of flow – that beautiful feeling of pure motivation for what we are doing, here and now. Some really great exercises, for example about getting curious.

3   Intention

Many of us, whether consciously or not, have come to believe we need to be disconnected from our hearts to succeed in business, and perhaps elsewhere.

Discovering what we want to achieve, not just intellectually, but with the full weight of our emotional passion behind it. More than that, it’s not enough to know what we want to achieve, but we also need to know how we want to achieve it and to reconnect with our whole being – including our bodies and our emotions.

4   Foundation

This is about developing the grounding or inner stability that allows us to deal with whatever comes up in our lives. It’s about developing a deep and gentle self love and a greater sense of who we are. This may involve peering into our inner fears and darkness – but to do so for the healing it brings and to take us back to authenticity.

Don’t read this book

… If you’re looking for tips and techniques

… want a light read or

… hope to get to know Chris better.

It’s an holistic look at what makes us tick – physical, emotional, intellectual dimensions. If you’re looking for a ‘How To’ book with tips and techniques , then this is not the book for you.

It’s about noticing how you approach the world – without fighting it or running away from it – just being with it. That doesn’t always make for an easy, light read as for many of us it involves facing some things we’d rather keep hidden. Chris always gives the reader the choice to look or not – there’s not a hint of preaching and he has a gentle touch.

I had the idea I was listening in on Chris rather than that he was talking to me. Like many good coaches he keeps some distance – I didn’t get the idea I knew Chris any better after reading the book. Some people might not enjoy that style, and miss a more intimate connection with the author. I personally enjoyed it as it gave me freedom to decide what to listen to and what not.

In conclusion. I enjoyed it, got a lot out of it and many things stay with me days after reading it.

Finally

I’ve noticed that when it comes to money, some people get a bit sensitive. As transparency is important to me I want to be clear that I have no financial relationship with Chris. I would have no hesitation in developing one, but I don’t have plans in that direction.

If you buy the book then Chris, as the author, obviously will get some money. If you choose to buy the book from Amazon through one of my links on this site then I get a small commission via my affiliate account.

In fact, this is no different from any book you might buy after following a link I provide here. I only ever link to books (like this one) I’ve read, enjoyed and would recommend to my closest and most intimate friends.

Not all my friends like my suggestions, but I think that’s normal and I’ve not yet lost a friend as a result of a bad suggestion.

Don’t Just Do Something! Sit There!

Sep 30th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
21 comments

What to do when someone comes to me with a problem? It’s not always desirable to mind my own business especially when someone asks me to get involved or I am involved by nature of the relationship itself.

loneliness

We’ve all experienced a family member, friend or colleague start talking about a difficult situation they face. Sometimes it comes out as unfocused complaining and other times they are clear they need help. Everyone has challenges from time to time, some more than others, and it’s quite natural to reach out to those closest to us for help.

‘My husband’s cheating on me! / My job sucks and my boss is an a**hole! / I’m feeling down and don’t know why! / My kids won’t listen to me! / Should I buy the blue shirt or the brown one?’

Big challenges and small and clearly each situation is different and demands a different response. I’ve found, however, in the vast majority of cases the best response is to resist my immediate urge to fix the problem (unless, of course, the situation is an emergency that requires urgent action!).

I’m more likely to help by first responding with empathy and my full attention to the person.

Don’t just do something!

Sit there!

The power of empathy

By ‘sit there’ I don’t mean shutting down, ignoring or turning my back on the problem. I mean responding with empathy. It requires presence, concentration and the capacity to be with someone without judging. It requires listening to more than just the words being expressed but to the meaning of them – not to me, but to the person I’m with.

Empathy, by my definition, is when I’m with your reaction to your problem. Sympathy, which I’ll mention later, is when I’m with my reaction to your problem.

Why is empathy so powerful?

On an intellectual level I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve experienced its power time and time again. When something troubles me, and I receive the gift of full, non judgemental attention of another human being I have space and safety to look inside myself. When I allow myself to be held by that attention I can connect much deeper to what’s going on inside and find my own way out of the darkness. My experience is validated through the acceptance of it by someone else and once it’s validated I no longer think there’s something wrong with me and I can start to free the baggage that’s getting in the way of a solution.

An example might help.

A few weeks ago I was struggling with some questions about what I wanted to do next in life. I was feeling confused and overwhelmed thinking about all the possibilities and somewhat panicked about being half way through my life (I’m an optimistic 45 year old!). I started talking to Mona about it. And she sat and listened. From time to time she suggested some names for the feelings or the needs I was trying to grasp, and nothing else. No advice. No sympathy. Just her full, empathic attention.

In the space of her attention I found the core of what I was looking for, things started to fall into place and I produced my own ideas about what to do next. She didn’t jump into solutions. She didn’t try to make me feel better. She just sat, listened and checked in with me occasionally.

And I’ve experienced this so many times – both receiving and giving empathy – that I no longer need a rational explanation. I trust it’s power.

Breaking some habits

Empathy comes quite naturally to some people.

If you’re anything like me, though, you will have developed some problem-fixing habits that interfere with being with someone empathically. When I used to be faced with someone with a problem, I noticed a number of automatic responses, depending on the situation, that were all about trying to fix the problem quickly.

1   ‘If I were you …’

It’s obvious I know but I tend to forget that I’m not you. Often I give advice based on what I would do if I was faced with something similar. But it is you who has the problem, you who has to take the action and you who will have to live with the consequences. You. Not me. I don’t know what’s best for you.

Empathy keeps my attention on you not on me.

2   ‘What you should do is …’

This is the habit of jumping to an answer before I understand your situation fully. Every situation has a rational side to it – who did what to whom and when. What happened, what could happen, and a whole set of possibilities or probabilities. If I’m patient and mindful, I’ll probably ask some intelligent questions to help me get a better picture.

There’s another aspect to each situation we rarely delve into, and that’s the emotional side and spiritual side – how you experience this situation and what it means to you.

You can never fully face whatever the problem is until those two are taken account of. They are an integral part of the whole and by jumping into the rational solution too quickly I don’t honour your experience and what it means.

Empathy gives me the tool to do this.

3   ‘Don’t worry be happy …’

Don't_worry,_be_happyThis is another form of advice but rather more general and superficial. Another version of this habit is to remind you ‘this too will pass’.  This is certainly true, but we are having this conversation here and now, not in the future. You already know it will pass and being reminded of it might be comforting but more likely gives the message that your current pain is not important. With this form of advice I’m not honouring your experience but trying to minimise your pain. Your pain is real and it’s part of your current reality.

Empathy stays with your current experience and the quality of that presence allows the pain to disappear faster.

4   ‘Poor you … ‘

This is a form of sympathy, not empathy. It’s a judgement where I agree that you are in a bad position. While my intention might be to support you by validating your reaction, this habit has the risk of keeping the pain alive. I’m agreeing with you being a victim and probably comes from my feelings – outraged, horrified or upset – when I hear your story. This is my stuff not yours.

Empathy keeps my stuff to one side so I can be with your feelings without any judgement.

5   ‘I know just how you feel … ‘

I don’t know how you feel! Even if I’ve faced something similar, it was not the same and my reactions were not the same for the simple reason that I’m not you. My intention may be to comfort you by telling you you’re not the first one to have this problem. Again this minimises your experience, but more critically I’m using your problem as an opportunity to talk about myself. I’ve neatly turned the attention away from you.

Empathy keeps my focus on you and you alone.

Finally …

I’m not saying don’t give advice or sympathy … just be very, very cautious when doing so.

After all, if someone does take your advice and it all goes horribly wrong … who are they going to blame?

5 conditions for ‘big step’ learning

Sep 9th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
10 comments

Learning is rarely a smooth progression and is inherently ‘chunky’. If I think back over my life I notice periods of massive learning and change followed by times of stagnation or at least only baby steps. How I’ve learned things has also been ‘chunky’, often joyful, sometimes confusing and frustrating as hell.

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It’s something like how a tree grows. The rings of the trunk show how much it has expanded in any given year, varying in thickness from puny thin ones to nice fat juicy ones. Yet this hides a whole story of periods of calm, sunny weather, icy winters and violent storms. Each contributes something to the growth.

We learn in chunks and make step changes and I think it’s true whether I’m learning a new skill, a language (I wish!) or the continual development of myself as a human being. Sometimes the steps are huge breakthroughs – ‘Eureka’ moments where something that didn’t make sense suddenly falls into place, or something I just couldn’t do suddenly seems easy.

I had one of these ‘big step’ learning moments over the weekend as I wrote about in Living in denial. I got to thinking – what were the conditions that allowed that to happen, and could they then be replicated to provide a more regular stream of breakthrough moments?

Here are the 5 key conditions that I believe facilitate ‘big step’ learning:

1   Readiness

I was ready for a change, ready to learn something potentially profound, ready to take action – in short ready to learn.

That readiness came after a period of frustration, idleness, confusion and maybe I can even say a minor depression. I was noticing lack of growth, questioning many aspects of my life and feeling more and more ‘stuck’. This period prepared the ground for something to happen. It churned up the earth to allow a seed to be planted. It wasn’t necessarily pretty or enjoyable but was an important stage.

It doesn’t have to be that way and looking back at some of my other big step moments, just as many were born from periods of great openness and joy. I was also ready but that readiness was held with a lighter touch and a loving hand. This time it was dark and gloomy, next time it might be light and joyful.

2   Seeding

cumin seedsThere was a catalyst. Something happened that sowed the seeds of change – in this case I read something provocative. The ground was ready, so the seed quickly took root.

The article took 8 minutes to read and stirred up a very strong reaction lasting several days. That reaction was lots of questions and searching for answers and some profound insights. The questions, answers and insights were all mine but wouldn’t have grown without that initial provocation.

Seeds can come from many different places. I try to collect them (books, clippings, web bookmarks, dreams, people, ideas of my own etc.) because I’m never sure when they might be needed. This time the seed came at the right moment. At other times I’ve known where to look in my seed collection.

3   Environment

For learning to take place the environment needs to be right and that’s going to depend on what the learning is.

With my big step I read the article on the morning I was leaving for a few days in the mountains. In the peace and tranquillity of the mountains I had nothing to do and I’d deliberately left all work, reading, computers back at home and took only my wife (forcibly stripped of work, computer etc). I had been expecting purely to get a break and there was I had no intention of any major soul searching.

I couldn’t have designed a better environment – the pressure-free time and space combined with connection to nature was just what I needed. If I’d been learning something else I would have needed a different environment.

4   Nurturance

For seeds to grow they need care, attention and the basic fundamentals taken care of such as light, water and food.

It’s the same with learning and growth, the seeds of change need to be loved and nurtured rather than neglected or beaten up. If my child learns to ride a bike, chances are she’s going to fall off. I’m not going to ignore her or punish her for not getting it right! She needs to be held, encouraged and helped to see she’s still perfect and loved.

In my case I had Mona with me, who is an expert listener. No judgement. No criticism. Someone to share what was happening, someone to react and help me build on my thoughts and ideas. In short, someone to hold me while I journeyed on a voyage of discovery. And we had a great landlady preparing fresh, simple home grown and cooked food.

Also important is self-nurturance and gentleness with myself which allowed me to be with the questions and not force answers. No self criticism. No beating myself up.

5   Application

Learning can be a wonderful experience by itself, but ‘big-step’ learning needs to have a purpose or an application of some kind. The application might not always be obvious at the time but if there is none then the learning will almost certainly be lost.

A language needs to be used, a bicycle ridden and self development improve my life in some way.

I reached some conclusions over the weekend that have practical application. I want to take some action with them and I can see the fruit of the learning. It will make a change in my life – I’m assuming for the better.

I’d love to hear your experiences of breakthrough moments in your self development?

Stupid people, stupid things

Aug 10th, 2009
by ianpeatey.
12 comments

Yesterday I took a walk in the park with Elena (my 6 year old) to get some air and feed the animals. On a Sunday the park is full of people out for a stroll and the squirrels, in particular, are so tame they come and take nuts from your hand – always a delight for children and adults alike.

Elena was busy trying to attract the squirrels’ attention by chasing them through the trees as fast as possible with a walnut clenched  in her palm. It takes an especially tame squirrel to respond positively to this particular tactic! Especially as the park is full of other children doing exactly the same thing.

Two uniformed men on bicycles (presumably park wardens) stopped and told us to get back on the path as it was forbidden to walk on the grass. I stopped myself from arguing that the mud and dried leaves under the trees hardly constituted ‘grass’ and complied with their request. At least until they disappeared from sight.

I explained to Elena what the men had said and she shook her head and said,

“Those men are stupid.”

Now I’d like her to learn to accept all people without judgement so I replied that I didn’t think the men were stupid but rather they were doing a stupid job. I’m rarely at a loss for words but I had no reply when she then asked,

“Well, who told them to do this stupid job?”

We all do stupid things

I stand by my comment that these men are not stupid. What they were trying to do was pointless and futile and could easily fall into the category of  ‘stupid things’ but that doesn’t turn them into ‘stupid people’.

Anyone care to admit that they’ve never done anything stupid? Probably nothing as stupid as trying to stop young kids feed squirrels in the park – but stupid things nonetheless.

We all do things we probably wouldn’t have done if we had greater awareness at the time, or had actually thought about what we were doing. Sometimes we repeat these things over and over and occasionally we turn them into bad habits. Sometimes we even pay people to do them and provide uniforms to attempt to give credibility.

Personally I regard part of life’s journey to be about continually expanding my level of consciousness and getting progressively less stupid as I get older. Labelling myself or anyone as ‘stupid’ isn’t very helpful. It tends to take my attention away from the stupid things I do and focusses more on identification with them.

Fine line between intelligent and stupid

In this example I do see the intelligence in maintaining public places in a way that everyone can enjoy them. I’m also delighted to learn that some people have a job that involves doing just this, and they are so motivated by their work that they even do it on a beautiful summer’s Sunday.

In my opinion these wardens crossed the line when they attempted to preserve the park over and above the enjoyment of it.

I appreciate it’s often a fine line to walk and I certainly don’t always walk it well myself. Often I do things for the enjoyment now and don’t pay enough attention to what’s going to come next. Like eating too much and feeling sick later. Or not paying my taxes on time and then being hit with a hefty fine.

Or on the other side, worrying too much about the future and not enjoying the moment here and now. Like buying some expensive clothes and never wearing them for fear of damage.

I’d like to see every stupid action I take as a chance to learn something. That means looking at the positive intention behind my actions (it’s always there) and then finding alternative ways to act that are more intelligent or wise.

I would like to bet that these two wardens end every Sunday feeling depressed because they failed, yet again, to keep the kids on the paths and so preserve the pristine condition of the mud under the trees. I doubt they learned much.

I’m also wondering how often I do something similar and act like King Canute.

Who tells us to do stupid things?

I find this a very intelligent question.

If I think back to all the stupid things I’ve done in my life I can usually find someone to blame:

  • Parents – it’s what they taught me
  • Writers of the rulebooks – it’s the law
  • Boss – it was an order
  • Society – everyone else does it
  • Gurus – they are the wisest of the wise so they must know what’s best
  • Politicians – I voted for them (or if I didn’t, then democracy is what holds us all together)
  • People in uniform – if they wear a uniform they must be an authority
  • Etc..

The only problem is that they’re not usually around when I do these stupid things. And even if they were I need to take responsibility for my own actions.Other people can guide me, advise me or support me but I’m always responsible for my actions.  And for the consequences.

Blaming someone else just doubles the stupidity of the stupid action.

Footnote

This is my 100th article and Quantum Learning celebrated it’s first birthday a few days ago.

I want to give a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has supported, encouraged and criticised me. You make keeping this site alive an intelligent decision of mine.

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