A few days ago I was having a conversation with a close friend from Estonia who was in the middle of a trip to North Carolina. I’m calling from Eastern Europe with a crystal clear connection made possible by the wonders of modern technology – specifically our laptops, fast wireless internet and Skype.
After a conversational journey that visited many places, we came to the conclusion that our laptops are one of our best friends. They are our constant companions and we both wondered how we managed before they came into our lives. For both us the computer is our main tool for work, communication, entertainment (films, TV shows, music, internet), shopping and our connection to a very broad and diverse community. More than this, we have a closer ‘relationship’ with them than with most human beings.
Could it be love?
Consider the following symptoms (please note, I’m going to refer to my computer as ‘her’, purely for cheap, dramatic effect):
- First thing I do in the morning is to turn her on
- I gaze at her all day long
- I’m regularly checking for messages from her
- Meals are less important than a little longer with her
- If we’re parted for more than 10 minutes, I get nervous
- My fingers run lovingly over her keys, almost a caress
- I feel lost without her
- I sometimes lay in bed with her on top of me.
Doesn’t that sound a lot like being in love? Or, even more alarmingly, an addiction? Or at the very least, early signs of insanity?
I did a quick search for ‘computer addiction’ (Google, of course!) and all I found was some stuff on online gaming, gambling, social networking or pornography. Some ‘experts’ even doubted that these are ‘real’ addictions (whatever that means!). I’ve managed to resist these, but what about addiction to the computer itself? My extensive research (well, ok … it was 5 minutes!) didn’t produce any information on this kind of addiction.
I’m kind of half joking, but this is, in fact, serious stuff. When spending time with my computer starts to be more attractive than being with real, flesh and blood people then something’s going seriously wrong.
Am I the only one? Should I worry about it?
I’d like to get some perspective before it goes too far and I do some damage to myself. In the interests of all of us computer addicts I would like to remind myself that this inanimate object sitting on my lap right now, is a tool and a machine. It is designed to be in the service of my needs, not the other way round. It’s NOT a friend. It doesn’t care about me any more than my kettle does. It is totally incapable of love. For that matter, it has no capacity for any emotion whatsoever. It has no soul, no personality, no creativity, no intelligence (though it is excellent at impersonating these).
In short … it has no LIFE.
There! I’ve said it and I feel better already. Next step is to get back in contact with all those people I’ve alienated with months of “sorry, not tonight, I’ve got some ‘work’ to do”. Now, where’s my Outlook contact list ….?
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laying in bed with her on top of you – this sounds truly hot, a passionate affair you are having there.
But, I guess, we are not really communicating or relating with our computers, but rather through computers with something else, on the factual as well as symbolic level…
Not a living thing? Sure? Have you seen the 2001? Perhaps she does not like you to write that she is not alive. Perhaps right now she is getting angry and soon you will not be able to get out of the apartment…
Anyway, loved the post.
I laughed and laughed when I read this blog…recognising a lot of my own “addiction” in your experience. I, too, LOVE the internet, my laptop and all the information and connections they enable. I am passionate about the learning and sharing and, yes, even my sense of belonging to community. I confess to checking my email multiple times in a day and since writing my blog regularly, a growing urge, to write daily. Maybe the time has come for BA (bloggers anonymous. I will make my way to a meeting the day I find myself packing my laptop when I am going away for a romantic weekend with my husband or wondering if I can go on a silent retreat…
ROBERT. Yes it is hot .. I think there’s a fault with the cooling fan! Maybe cat hairs??? I was also a bit concerned about my computer taking offence at this post. So far there’s been no retribution but I’ll keep you updated.
LEONA. BA! Hmmmm … I’m not convinced we’d get enough people to drag themselves away from their computers to get a circle together. Maybe a virtual BA meeting??? I’m well passed the stage of needing BA as my laptop goes EVERYWHERE with me. Glad I brought you a laugh!
Hi Ian, I like the way you replace ‘laptop’ with ‘her’..
and thus, making all your sentences to be more romantic and hot. 
For me, I don’t think the use of our laptop (or other tools) can be interpreted as love relationship. If it’s love, then we also in love with our soap, spoon, mobile phone, car, etc.
One thing why it can’t be seen as love is exactly like you said, they (the tools) didn’t love you back!
Great post, Ian.
Ian,
Haha this post gave me a good laugh. But in all seriousness, you are right. The interesting thing is that over the past few weeks, I’ve learned that the computer CAN help you reconnect if you’re feeling disconnected.
I’ll admit, communication through a computer and the internet will never replace face to face interaction, however, if you’re ever feeling a bit disconnected, chatting with people through the web can be temporarily satisfying. You can still share a connection with these people.
For we people that work on the computer all the time, it’s important for us to get outta the house sometimes and make it a point to meet with people. This article is a great reminder of that.
Thanks for the article Ian!
Hi Ian,
I think we all need to be careful how much time we spend on the net. It is a great tool indeed, but a tool is all the more she will be.
I love her too, but real flesh and blood always wins out. Great post!
Cheers,
Jeremy
Now that you’ve said this, come to realize, my wife is pretty jealous of the laptop. Hmm…
ALDHIS – Thanks for the kind words! I don’t have a problem with soap, that’s for sure. But my iPod .. now possibly there’s another addiction in the making!
RAHUL – I agree. I’d just like to make sure I keep all things in perspective and in place. Fortunately the computer is not my only work so I do travel and meet lots of people as well as gazing at the screen.
JEREMY – there are several things that come to mind for which ONLY flesh and blood will do. Computers will never replace those essential pleasures!
DERECK – Well .. I can suggest “First thing in the morning, turn her on, gaze at her all day long .. etc..”
Hi Ian,
I was an addict even otherwise and the addiction syndrome confessed by most here has gripped me far more with blogging & networking habits. I am conscious about being obsessed with the gadget to the detriment of other demanding relationships. I am trying to inculcate some restraint with this indulgence sooner. I quite agree with Jeremy. Lets encourage each other to practice ‘abstinence’!
Pushhyyarag .. welcome! I predict a competition coming up for ‘Champion Addict!’. However I’m fully in favour of mutual support for abstinence .. at least one day a week. I wouldn’t want to lose any readers for my beloved blog!
Hi Ian,
I like the way you conclude your article after half jokingly – and with a great sense of humour – writing about your intimate relationship with her. I am pretty sure this addiction is easy for you to handle, but for some reason I have an urge to clearly point out that computers will never substitute for real human relationships. Love is love and computer addiction is computer addiction. I enjoy reading your articles and will check back regularly. Good luck!
Rob
Rob. Great to see you commenting over here! Thanks for pointing this out and I guess I’m just trying to work out when are the times I get things mixed up … mistaking addiction for love, for example. Not sure I handle it quite as well as you might think! Learning all the time though. See you again I hope. Ian
Hi Ian–
Something additional I noticed in my own computer addiction (Pffff and I share all of your symptoms, only refer to it as “he”)… even when I am engaged in a face-to-face interaction, specifically when my friends and I are all sitting around talking, someone always has a laptop available (wait til iPhones are cheaper). Literally, it has become a conversation partner – when we have a question or a disputed fact, Wikipedia is the definitive judge. It has become normal to think of a song and automatically reach for youtube to show everyone the video. I have started to leave my laptop at home when I go on vacation or out of Warsaw for a weekend. I try to read books, but find my attention span has greatly decreased (and I didn’t grow up watching tv). It makes me sad sometimes… but then, I could never trash him completely or I wouldn’t be able to use him as my only tool for communicating with most people.
Hope you are well.
Love,
Magda
Magda, well, well. Good to see you here! At least iPhones are a little more discrete! I know what you mean .. I often find myself reaching for the laptop in the middle of a conversation just to check something. Can add a richness to the conversation but can also be a real pain in the butt!
[...] Peatey presents Love in the time of technology posted at Quantum Learning – nonviolent living, saying, “When working at home with the [...]
[...] Peatey presents Love in the time of technology posted at Quantum Learning – nonviolent living, saying, “When working at home with the [...]
hi Ian, really good story and a sad one…technology was supposed to help us communicate with other people, but does it really do so
xxx
__________
Ian’s reply:
It’s a two edged sword. Allows us to communicate with some we’d otherwise have no contact with … or allows us to stay physically away from some we’d rather not meet in person. Of course there are some we’d prefer to meet face to face and not have to do it through these computers !