My younger daughter lost her first tooth last week and the older turned 17 a couple of weeks ago. I woke up this morning with both of these things on my mind, a melancholy feeling and a sense that life is slipping me by.
Sometimes I believe I’ll live forever, and at other times I’m very connected to my own mortality.
Isn’t this one of the very many paradoxes we live with? The power of life itself and the fragility of life in us as individuals?
Fragility of life
I spoke to a friend today who’s living with the imminent death of her husband from disease. They don’t know how long he has left, but they do know it is much less than he might have if he were healthy.
Every time I turn on the TV or read the newspapers I’m faced with my own mortality through the deaths of others. More than 200 lost in a plane crash, 50 killed in a car bomb, an estimated 10,000 children dying daily from diseases connected to lack of clean drinking water.
Every living creature dies. The manner, time and place are unknown to most of us, but we do know it will happen.
There is no escaping this, there is only living it.
This has always been a powerful reason to me, for living this life of mine to the full. To experience as much as possible, learn what I can, give what I have and treat each moment of life as supremely precious.
My life, your life, everyone’s life.
It has long been a mystery to me how some people are capable of killing or inflicting suffering on others.
I can only conclude they are not connected to just how wonderful and transient life is.
My own life is fragile, delicate and unique. There is no other identical manifestation of life, there never was and never will be again. How could I even consider wasting it, abusing it or fulfilling it any less than to its maximum potential?
It is this fragility that makes me sensitive to both the joys and the suffering around me. That drives me to seek to protect and make this place a safer one for us all.
Power of life
If I raise my head a little I see my wife sitting on the sofa by the window, our 2 dogs sleeping on the floor, a couple of flies buzzing, several trees growing outside and a few birds flying around. All that beauty available to me with hardly moving a muscle.
No-one knows how long life has been around on this planet, how widespread it is through the universe or what life will look like in the distant future. Much of this can be fun to hypothesise and imagine and remains, for the most part, the stuff of science fiction.
I grew up during the Cold War and the topic we discussed most passionately in student bars was the likelihood of war and whether we (the ‘good’ guys) and they (the ‘bad’ guys) would destroy each other. Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) was the way we described it and it seemed a reality to our young minds that mankind had the power to destroy the planet. Or if not the planet, at the very least, all life on the planet.
Now, the Climate Change debate seems to have taken over the MAD concept and ‘destroying our planet’ has moved from Cold War rhetoric into Environmental rhetoric.
Let me be clear.
I abhor the wanton destruction of life and irresponsible use of the the world’s resources in the interests of profit.
But we do not have the power to destroy the planet.
I doubt we even have the power to destroy our own species, let alone life in all its forms. Life is deeply rooted into this planet of ours and is stronger than we are – and always will be.
Life itself is here to stay, it is enduring, adaptable and you and I are part of its intricate web. I also believe my life force, my soul if you like, is permanent and immortal.
This is not a reason to abuse our planet but even greater reason to treat life with respect. To be in awe of it, admire it and feel humble in its presence.
It is the strength of life that gives me a sense of purpose and permanence. A conviction that it is worthwhile making an effort to make something out of this life of mine, no matter how small and insignificant it might be in the grand scheme of things.
It is the fragility of life that brings to me this almost overwhelming joy and sadness when my younger daughter loses her first tooth and my elder daughter turns 17 …
… and it’s the power of life that helps me withstand the fact that I was not around to witness either.
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Raising your head and observing beauty… What a beautiful way to live.
Take care, and remember to enjoy the moments. It is one thing to fully experience them, and quite another to find the joy in each one. I think so, anyway.
Thank you for the thoughts.
This is awesome, awesome stuff, Ian! I love it! It’s beautiful, powerful, and thought-provoking. Love it!
Hi Ian,
What wonderful writing! Life is indeed both powerful and fragile. And that’s one of those things that touches me deeply also. Especially recently – I’m thinking much about how everyday life, the normalness of it all – is really pretty amazing. Like you seeing your wife and the birds – simple things that we take for granted. Yet it’s all really such an awesome and wonderful gift – and it’s right in front of us. How often do we not notice and appreciate that which is right there amongst us? Great thoughts today Ian…
Ian,
This was beautiful writing. I live with a bit of paranoia over dying, and for years have tried to live each day so that I would be ready to die that night. Sometimes I get careless and forget this, and take for granted that I will be alive tomorrow, so this post is a good reminder. Thanks.
I absolutely adore the last couple of phrases that you wrote here.
“It is the fragility of life that brings to me this almost overwhelming joy and sadness when my younger daughter loses her first tooth and my elder daughter turns 17 …
… and it’s the power of life that helps me withstand the fact that I was not around to witness either.”
That is so beautifully put and the rest of the post is great as well. Thanks for giving me something to think about today.
Moving.
I couldn’t agree more re the strength of life providing the rationale for contribution. Proving myself worthy of the gift and yet simultaneously recognizing my inherent worth is my daily challenge and balance.
Thank you.
Such a great post, yet again. And such a beautiful last couple of lines.
Life is powerful and fragile all at once. And yet we can be so destructive of both fragility and power. It’s amazing what we’re capable of…and what we aren’t.
Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Less Traveled, comes to mind when I read this article.
Life is fraught with perils that give us choices. The selection of the path we take makes all the difference. Both roads are equally well trod and there isn’t much to distinguish one from the other.
I choose embracing life. I see you do, too.
An attorney I once worked with asked me something along the lines of “Did you know [insert historical person] had [insert awesome accomplishment] by the time he was [insert ridiculously young age]? Doesn’t that make you feel bad? Inadequate? Like you are wasting your life?!”
He pushed very hard to get me to ‘admit’ the craptacularness of my life. In the end it just made me sad on his behalf.
I love how you juxtaposed your sense of mortality with the continuity of life.
Hi Ian,
Beautiful post! When I was 15, I died for a couple of minutes and came back. Ever since then, I have been a big advocate of making the most out of life. This belief was reinforced when I watched my mother fight terminal cancer and then pass away.
I am often amazed at the fact that so many people do not contemplate the fact that they will die one day. We all have an expiration date but we just do not know when it will be. So why waste a second of life on junk?
I like your philosophy. I do believe nonviolence begins within each of us. The fewer violent thoughts, word and images I put in my mind the less violent the world will become. The more peaceful actions I take the more peaceful the world will become.
Be the change you wish to see.
Powerful, provocative and extremely moving article. Thank you.
Some describe awakening as death before dying…every moment then is fresh, and the childlike wonder of simply being returns.
A heart felt post that for various reasons resonates with me this week… cheers
I’m with Dani on this… those last two lines are priceless. Beautiful post, Ian.
I think I know now why that photo we looked at reminded you of a tombstone. You’re in a frame of mind that is looking for those sorts of things right now. Interesting because I just left a comment about this topic on PluginID yesterday. We all die, maybe sooner than later, so don’t waste a moment. Rather than get depressed, let’s get motivated by it… which, I believe you are.
I’m sorry you didn’t get to witness those two momentous occasions. But all the little moments matter just as much.
I don’t believe that there is a moment in life that is not breathtaking, precious, extraordinary. Just seeing my two-year-old son concentrate as he tries to draw a picture is amazing to me. Because we all start out in life as little bundles of instinct knowing little more than light from dark, and somehow we grow, we learn, we change each other. It’s a miracle, every day.
@Alison I’m trying a daily practice of lifting my head and looking for the beauty around. The thing I notice straight away is that it is so EASY to do! All it takes is that upward movement of my head. So far I’m finding it very powerful!
@Jay Thanks Jay! You are one of my benchmarks and I assume that if you like something I write, then it must be ok.
@Lance I’m realising that I don’t notice anywhere near as often as I’d like. My habit (which I’m in the process of breaking), is to look for the problems first and the beauty second. I’d like to skip the first step and go straight to the second.
@Daphne Sounds like a powerful practice! And I imagine there’s an art to taking that lightly rather than with heaviness?
@Positively Present Thanks, Dani. I’ve never seen you actually sign yourself ‘Dani’ but I’ve noticed other people call you that, so I assume it is your name?
@Nelia ‘Proving myself worthy of the gift … ‘ that’s a wonderful way to look at it, no matter who it is we are proving ourselves to.
@Kim I’m reminded of the catch line in Spiderman (yes, I have a soft spot for Marvel comics!) that ‘with great power comes great responsibility’. I’m wondering when we’ll actually start to build a world based on recognition of that!
@Crafters I’d like to say that I choose to embrace life all the time, but in truth I do have my dark moments. Not often, but I do have them.
@Hayden Yes .. those lawyer types can be difficult sometimes … not all of them, though. There are some shining examples of people who combine being a lawyer with being a wonderful human being. People such as ….
@Nadia … who by day is a lawyer and by night a wonderful human being!
))) It seems to be one of our taboos, though I expect it’s quite recent and mainly in the West? Death seems to me to be as natural as birth. Both are a little scary for all concerned – but also very wonderful. When did we start to treat both as an illness?
@Tess Thanks for the supportive words. I’m always grateful to meet like minded souls!
@Cheryl And thank you to you too!
@Kausik I’ve met few people who really live in the moment all the time. But those who do certainly seem to see every thing arising as fresh and new.
@Ross Happy to see you again, Ross! Hope all is well with you!
@Lisis You could well be right! Looked at it again today and no tombstone in sight.
@Lindsey Oh yes! I found small children the greatest teachers when it comes to really living. Both watching them, and hearing their perceptions of the world. To them, everything is mysterious and wonderful.
@ Ian,
Death is treated ‘heavily’ only when we’re unfamiliar with it or afraid of it. Once we accept it as natural and even a friend, and have witnessed it at close range, it becomes just another facet of life, like a thunderstorm – dreaded by some, loved by others, and taken in stride without a further thought by some.
I don’t know how I will react on my own deathbed, but certainly I’ve been comfortable with the thought and experience of death for some time. Long answer to your short question!
Ian, sometimes life just bowls me over. Your reflection on the fragility and the power of life are two of the reasons why. I’m sure you have read Milan Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being. It’s this unbearable lightness that gives life it’s bittersweetness, which in turn shows me joy. I do cry sometimes just over the beauty and extravagance of it.
This is my first visit to your page, and I enjoyed this first post I’ve read very much. Thank you.
Hey Ian, it’s the age old paradox of life and death. By living in the moment and raising our awareness to include a true connection with all life we have a rewarding life experience. We need to focus on life because the other is going to take care of itself. Too much attention toward death only robs us of the gift of life.
Many people talk about what heaven is like and what lies “beyond”. But I believe what lies beyond is HERE right now. We don’t have to wait to die to e able connect to “heaven”. We can experience and connect to such intense love, such intense joy, such expansiveness right now while we’re here on Earth. If we can do this we no longer fear death. How do we connect? All I can share is what did it for me: LIVE. Live as richly as deeply, as bravely, as boldly, as intensely and fully as you can. Take the risks, do the things we put, say the things we don’t dare say, ask the things we don’t dare ask, trust our hearts even when it feels foreign to do so because we’ve never don’t it, think for ourselves, walk to the edge and leap, and do it over and over and over again. And you will touch heaven. You will realize that you do not end. You simply ARE. There is no before and after. There is only now. So LIVE, LIVE, LIVE. Like good friend Jonathan said here: “By living in the moment and raising our awareness to include a true connection with all life we have a rewarding life experience.” I would add that we become ALL things and realize our place in the infinite universe.
I am SOOOOOO glad you found me on Twitter. I’ve added your site to my RSS and am following you. Thank you and trust your beautiful heart. Robin
Hi Ian,
You creatively shared your thoughts in this heartfelt article.
It touched me deeply.
The most beautiful things in life are around us everyday.Life is very fragile and we should cherish and all living things.It is a gift that should always be appreciated.Sometimes people just have to stop and smell the roses instead of letting things slip away.
Keep up this amazing writing of your’s and thank you – it is a perfect reminder things can take a turn at anytime so love life to the fullest.
Yes- I said Love!
Cheers
‘try to live each day as though it were your last…’ sometimes this is not easy to remember, thank you for reminding me just how fragile and precsious each moment really is.
@Chania Girl Welcome! Glad you found me too. I confess I haven’t read the book (I did see the film though, and have read some of his other works). I wanted to use that for the title of this article, but Kundera already took it!
@Jonathan I like what you wrote, and agree with you. I think there is a fine line between accepting our death as inevitable, and getting morbidly fascinated with it.
@Robin Welcome to you too! Wow. Sounds as though you really grasp life by the horns and live it to the full! Great to meet you, Robin!
@Bunny Thanks for the encouragement Bunny! I’m stopping to smell the roses as I write.
@Phil Thanks for the comment! It’s not so easy, as you say. I’m still learning.
Hi Ian
Your passion really shines through in this article.
I was wondering, when did you develop your current views – was it something in particular, or a gradual realisation over time?
Juliet
[...] Peatey presents Life: powerful and fragile posted at Quantum Learning – nonviolent [...]
Ian,
Very beautiful post. At the end of the day, I say, Enjoy the journey of Life, each and every moment. Live life…
Best regards,
Kavita