@Roger Definitely the same as my experience. Communication is much more effective and accurate than assumed telepathy!

@David ‘Beginner’s mind’ .. yes I like that!

@Lisis She doesn’t always put up with me! Fortunately she’s an expert nonviolent communicator as well, so we find a way! I think there’s a lot in that ‘key’ you mentioned. It’s important to be together and apart at the same time. Not to stand in each other’s shadows or tread on each other’s toes. But to be lcose enough to enjoy each other.

@Jay Wow! I know of several grounds for divorce but that’s the first time I heard of lack of telepathic ability as reasonable cause! Sounds as though you’ve moved well past that stage of assuming mind reading.

@Positivelypresent I think the key here is not to make assumptions. Even if we accuratly know what our partner is thinking, it pays to check it out.

@Janice 20 years! That’s very impressive these days and I congratulate you! I love to hear of relationship success stories in these days of high divorce rates (to which I myself have contributed!).

@Jonathan “listening carefully with our defenses down and our heart open” beautifully expressed!

@Dragos Those dreaded assumptions! I find it curious how much I detest people making assumptions about me, yet I’m one of the first to jump in with conclusions and assumptions about others. At least I’m now aware and it gets less and less!

@Sherri I know what you mean, though I’m definitely on Gwynn’s ’side’ when it comes to awareness of subtleties! I do think there are some fun ways to ask for things. After all we commmunicate in many ways other than words!

@Bunny Despite being a man, I hope I have some valid and interesting views on relationships I’m not sure that I agree with that pop wisdom that men and women are wired differently. I do believe that we all have both masculine and feminine and that they are different energies. It’s also probably the case that most men have a greater developed masculine …

… and now I no idea where I’m going with this so I’ll stop here!

This is a great article especially coming from a man. Many have said men and women are wired so differently but not really.
All each of us wants is the love and support from our life companion.

No one wants the mind games to begin.

None of us are mind readers so why should we expect our spouse to be.
What happens is once the games begin insecurity starts and distance right in the same room begins.

What comes naturally- is what spouses and friends have built in repeated rituals,traditions that need cultivated regularly. You nurture your relationship with the element most important and that is communication which includes body language

Cheers

It took Gwynn and I awhile to figure out that communication is key in our relationship! I used to think along the same lines as you and a lot of commentators here that “well you should just know what I want or what I’m thinking” and really, this is so unfair.

In my relationship with Gwynn I’ve even had to give up on subtleties. I love my husband to pieces but subtlety is entirely lost on him I’ve learned that if I really want something there is no better way to get it than coming right out and explicitly asking for it. Not nearly as fun but it works wonders

Relationships are tough but rewarding. Connecting and maintaining a connection with somebody else requires awareness, effort and, most of the time, a lot of courage. The courage to let yourself exposed exactly as you are. The reward is fantastic, though.

Excellent, and timely piece, Ian.