In a typical day I probably see about 100 people. Most of them I pass by on the street with hardly a glance. Family and friends get more of my attention, but even if I’m close, intimate or loving it still scratches the surface of who they are as human beings.
Rarely do I take the time to REALLY see them.
I believe that one of the roots of violence, physical or emotional, is when I fail to see others as human beings. It’s impossible for me intentionally to hurt another person when I’m in an authentic connection with them and fully in touch with our shared humanity.
When I can REALLY see people, hurting them is the same as hurting myself.
And loving them is the same as loving myself.
I REALLY see another person when I …
… look deeply and gently into their eyes and remind myself this could just be the last time I ever see them.
… take this moment as an opportunity to explore their uniqueness: they are one of a kind and there are no others exactly the same as this one.
… feel their power, the vast, untapped potential and future possibilities existing there.
… open myself to receive the gifts they have to offer me and to the world.
… marvel at the wisdom and resources they possess, maybe without even being aware of it themselves.
… connect to my desire for this person to be truly happy, peaceful, safe, courageous, fearless … loving and loved.
… hold this person in the universal kindness available to all of us.
… touch the pain this person has suffered on their journey through life: the suffering, disappointments, failures, losses and hurts that are part of living.
… am with this person without any desire to fix them, change them, solve their problems or take any of their history from them.
… face their accumulated scars with respect and reverence, knowing they are nothing to be afraid of but signs of what brought them to me in this precise moment.
… hold them in the great compassion available to us all.
… bask in the love behind those eyes and accept that unconditional love flowing through them and around them.
… imagine, without expectation, what we could achieve together if we joined forces and what wonders we could create with our combined skills, wisdom, love and strength.
… smile at the fun and joy we could share if we so chose.
… connect to our common humanity and the vast web of life from where we both came and to where we will both return.
Do we REALLY see the people in front of us?
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Wow, Ian. This is beautiful. I mean, really, really beautiful! Thank you so much for writing this. As I was reading it, I was realizing all the mistakes I have made with people in my life, and now I’m feeling all teary and sniffly. I’m also thinking about all the times when people have not really seen me, and that’s making me teary too!
Teary in a good way, though, because it’s filling me with love, and I’m sending it out to everybody…
Love,
Jay
Ian,
Another inspiring post!
I don’t see the people in front of me most of the time. When I take the time to do it in the mindful way you describe, I always feel connected. Thanks for reminding me to do it more often.
Ian,
This is a really fantastic post, worthy of printing out and putting on my fridge. You are so insightful. I think most of the time I don’t see the person, I just see my thoughts about them. Thank you for this!
It is interesting to note that when we meet someone, we have a specific view of them but when we get to know them we either have the same view or something different.
But also, sometimes if the other person doesn’t make an effort to show the true self either by being shy, fake, etc. then it is hard to see that person for something more.
“… touch the pain this person has suffered on their journey through life: the suffering, disappointments, failures, losses and hurts that are part of living.
… am with this person without any desire to fix them, change them, solve their problems or take any of their history from them.”
Ian,
I love these two lines. You write beautifully and this post was gentle yet powerful. I’ve long thought that everyone’s life has pain that others don’t see, and if we did we couldn’t help loving that person for having fought and survived. Need to remember to practise this more often.
And I really really need to remember that second line above. We all do, I guess. Great post!
One thing that is challenging about this is that when we DO really see people for who they are, where they’ve been, and how they have come to this moment, it can be truly, excruciatingly painful.
In some ways, I think we have developed our snap judgments as a defense mechanism in order to function and keep moving onward while minimizing our own suffering. When you really see another, you take on their suffering (how could you not?) Although this often helps trivialize your own, or put it in perspective, you end up taking on the suffering of a LOT of people… you feel for everyone who suffers. This can become truly overwhelming.
I still think it’s the right thing to do, but it is not without its challenges.
I think you make a great point here. I think most of us don’t really see the people (or things!) that are in front of us. We coast through life, just taking little glimpses at things. I really love your comments about when you are really seeing someone. Brilliant!
http://positivelypresent.typepad.com
Hi Ian,
What a lovely post! Very well expressed and just…lovely! When we’re so wrapped up in our ourselves and in our own heads it’s easy to not *see* what’s (or who is) really in front of you. Too often we are too quick to judge, too quick to draw conclusions and too quick to be dismissive of people which is a real shame. In the end we all really want the same things (I think) that is to be seen, to be heard, to be happy, and to matter. Thanks again for a wonderfully inspiring read!
Hi Ian,
I am so happy you wrote this post because so many people need to hear this message and be reminded of it. It is amazing to me how unaware people are of other people. I used to suffer from this when I was immersed in my pain. However, thanks to my experiences with spiritual teachers and getting over myself and my pain; it became easy to be aware of others and to realize that people do things for a reason. I became fascinated with wanting to know the reasons. We share this planet and no person is an island onto themselves.
This is like stopping to smell the roses.
I love to read people. To me that is who will welcome a Hello and who will wonder what to heck is this chick want from me.
People are funny. I like to keep them guessing so I say hello and smiles to people who stand out to me, one that look like they need a smile like the elderly.Small children and people who have animals that need to be walked.
Great article !
Thanks for this post. It reminds me of the fact that one of my favorite things to do in the morning is to look into the eyes of the barista who is serving me coffee, while bringing my awareness into my body, silencing the thoughts and connecting with what we both share at a deeper level. And to think I used to see them as basically a walking coffee machine. best, CE
[...] Do We REALLY See People, from Quantum [...]
Wow…this spoke deeply to me, Ian.
I see you my friend, I see you.
Ace list.
I usually am too busy watching lips.
People confuse me: speaking one thing and meaning something else.
I want to learn to chill so I can SEE people.
Lovely post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Lisa
@ Jay It wasn’t my intention to make anyone cry. If they were in a good way, then that’s ok!
@ Roger It does take a bit of time to see people fully. Definitely worthwhile, but we maybe need to be selective.
@ David I’m curious what else is pinned to your fridge! I imagine this will be in very illustrious company!
@ Tom Often it’s our views of them that get in the way of seeing them clearly!
@ Daphne I thought that wanting to fix people was mainly a masculine trait. Perhaps it’s more universal than I thought.
@ Lisis It’s probably a good idea to touch the joy in people too! Just to get some balance with the suffering! Otherwise, as you say, it can become overwhelming.
@ Positively Present Sometimes I don’t take the time because I’m so preoccupied with where I want to get to, rather than how I want to get there.
@ Sherri I agree. We all want the same things, basically we’re all the same. And different! Both
@ Nadia I’m happy I wrote it, and happy your read it! And even happier you commented! Lol!
@ Bunny If you’re ever in this part of the world, I have a couple of dogs that don’t get walked too much!
@ Chris Got me thinking how much I take for granted people serving in a whole range of activities. Bus driver, border guards (I travel a lot), garbage collectors … would be great if we all saw each other.
@ Megan Awwww … I feel your eyes on me!
@ Sammi They confuse me sometimes as well. People are not always worth listening to, but always worth being seen at a deeper level.
@ Lisa Thanks
Sorry about the delay in replying to all your comments … my computer is out of action right now so I’m on a borrowed one. I must have been using it too much