I started losing my hair in my late twenties, and for the last 8 years or so I’ve shaved off what’s left. I’d kept it short for several years before, but still it was a bold, bald move.
And as with any bold move there are some great lessons to learn.
Lesson 1- when something is inevitable, there is no real fear
My father is bald on top as were both my grandfathers. For as long as I can remember I told myself it was inevitable I was going to lose my hair naturally and I never feared it. I’m not saying that hair loss IS inevitable – just that in my belief system it was.
Judging by the proliferation of expensive hair loss treatment around, I’m guessing that many men do fear going bald and refuse to accept it as inevitable. That’s fine for them – and maybe these treatments work.
A few things are inevitable, though, no matter how much I want them not to be. For example, I’m going to continue to get older and I will eventually die.
My early acceptance of hair loss was an important lesson than when I accept the inevitability of something – then my fear of it diminishes.
Lesson 2 – the mind is more powerful than genetics (possibly)
I thought (still do!) that my father was a pretty cool guy and I look a lot like him. My slightly younger brother, on the other hand, has a full head of hair. I suspect that my acceptance of fate was more powerful than the genetic cause of my hair loss.
I have no doubt that we largely create (or at least influence) our reality through the power of our minds. Accepting baldness may well have become a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I’m very careful these days about what I accept as truth.
Lesson 3 – simplicity saves time and money
I used to detest going to the barber and paying someone to cut my hair. I just can’t stand strangers touching my head. I know many people love having their hair pampered at the salon – but that was never my scene at all.
When I was growing up my mother used to cut it (think ‘bowl cut’ aka ‘mushroom head’ aka ‘The Spock look’) and that was fine until I left home.
Now I can do it myself, anytime, anyplace. Or sometimes Mona does it, which is a very intimate pleasure.
This was the first step I took towards a simple life style – and the same virtues are true of simplicity wherever you find it. It saves a lot of time and there is no simpler or cheaper way of keeping hair than not having any.
Lesson 4 – when I hide who I am .. I hide who I am
Through my teens and twenties I suffered from very low self confidence. I believed I had a lot to offer the world but just couldn’t find any voice to let it out.
I can track an inverse correlation between my general confidence levels and the amount and length of my hair. As I lost my hair I found more and more confidence in myself and I got another boost when I started shaving it.
There are many possible cause-and-effect explanations, of course, and I can never prove one over the other. It does seem to make sense though, that the more I hide my physical body (hair, clothes etc.) the more I’m likely to hide the rest of myself.
Lesson 5 – vanity is not attractive .. but the human body is perfectly designed
I do confess that one reason I keep my hair shaved is that I think it makes me look more sexy. Also, I know that if I grow my hair longer then I’ll probably look like the pointy haired boss in the Dilbert cartoons.
I interviewed Mona who said,
‘Many women find it irresistible.’
I’m not revealing what question I asked, of course, nor whether Mona is one of these ‘many women’. But the point is that bald men do have a certain physical appeal. Think Yul Brynner, Bruce Willis, Sean Connery, Homer Simpson or George Clooney without hair.
See what I mean?
Only by shaving my head did I discover just how perfectly formed the human body is. Unless you suffer from Peladophobia (fear of bald people), in which case you’d probably prefer George to keep his hair.
Lesson 6 – I am not the centre of the universe
It took some courage to shave my head for the first time. In fact I was so worried about what people would think. I chose to do it at the start of a three week holiday so my friends, colleagues and the general public, wouldn’t see me.
When I got back, I decided to keep it because I liked it so much and, much to my surprise, hardly anyone noticed. I didn’t attract stares as I walked down the street, nobody commented and I even started to notice many people keeping their hair as short as I do.
I realised that most people are not the least bit interested in what I look like and I am not the centre of the universe!
Lesson 7 – things grow even though I can’t see them
I can’t see it grow, of course, but I’m certain it does. I cut it down to less than a millimetre and 10 days later it’s length has increased tenfold.
I find this pretty amazing – my body is busy growing hair, slowly but surely and I’m not aware of it.
Everything changes over time, even when I can’t see things moving. I’ve learned to trust the invisible powers of life and beyond.
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THINK PATRICK STEWART FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Ahem.
I actually shaved me head last year and I never felt so naked in my life. At first. Then it was everything you said it was except for the sexy. For me, boobs go better with hair.
BUT.
Chris looks 1,000,000 times sexier when he shaves his head instead of letting what he has grow out. So I’m glad you know this.
Anyway, I love what you have to say about not being the center of the universe. I was convinced (at first) that everyone was looking at me and my naked, naked scalp. But that feeling was rooted in the center-of-the-universe thing.
Awesome article!!
How could I forget Patrick Stewart! What an oversight.
I remember you writing about your shaved head experiences. Clearly it’s more unusual for women to shave their heads so I imagine the naked feelign was much more intense than mine.
Btw .. it’s not only shaved men that are sexy!
I am totally moved by this one. I am losing my hair, slowly. I have a little bald spot in the back and the front is thinning. I always think of shaving my head when it starts to look “goofy” I just haven’t decided when goofy has kicked in and it is time. I am afraid I will look like Moe from the three stooges since I have fairly short and a bit chubby. I will look back to this article later when I think “goofy” has kicked in.
I start to look goofy when my hair gets to about half a centimetre! And then goofy turns into ‘mad scientist’ before eventually reaching ‘pointy haired boss’. I really have little choice but to keep it short!
Thanks for this Ian. One of the things being bald has shown me is that insecurities are totally arbitrary and unique to each person. I have never had insecurities about being bald, although I’ve certainly had them about other things. There’s nothing, it seems, that human beings are “naturally” or “supposed to be” neurotic about.
And the culture’s we live in have a lot to do with our insecurities .. images and associations such as ‘real men have full head’s of hair’. Images of what is masculine beauty have a great hold on us .. maybe not as extreme as images of feminine beauty, but still there nevertheless. And a source of great stress to many people.
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Thank you for this article. It was very moving. Im still under 30, and my bald spot on the back top of my head is very visible. I’ve always been very insecure about it; i think partly because my father was always very insecure about it, and also because of the culture that i come from. I come from a culture of arranged marriages (which im perfectly ok with), but most parents wouldnt give their daughter to a bald man. But then sometimes i think, maybe thats just my own insecurity. You highlight some very important points, and this gives me real food for thought.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for this comment. I find it sad that our cultures can have such an impact on us .. especially when connected with things we have no control with. I really hope you find peace with your bald spot and rise above the judgements of others.
I enjoyed the article and like you, I started losing my hair, but in my early 20′s. By 30, I had a fuzz patch on the front of my head. I’ve tried a few different products (Rogaine, Propecia) and came to a similar conclusion – - it is inevitable. I don’t think this will change until Genetics allows you to reengineer your hair follicle cells 30 years from now. But in the mean time, the trend of shaving it off is your friend. These blades offer an advantage over traditional razors through following the curvature of a head. If you are facing the inevitable, try these to help facilitate your journey. http://www.wildmanproduction.com/headblade.html
I think, even if I could reengineer my hair follicles, I wouldn’t. I like being bald and having a shaved head. It makes me a better person and even allows me to let blatant product promotion slip through my spam censorship
Excellent post! I have actually noticed an interesting correlation between the state of my hair and my own self confidence as well. I don’t suffer from balding (yet, although my Dad still has a good head of hair), but my hair is very thin and sometimes difficult to manage. I have thought about shaving it off completely and starting anew. Maybe once I graduate college…
Why wait? There’s no time like today!
Hi Ian. Interesting and revealing post about how we all fear being judged. FYI…I used to quake in my boots before haircuts when a kid….in case I came out looking “bad”. “Bad” meant being looked down on by my peers and…. especially… those doggone everpresent girls we guys don’t want to be rejected by! Anyhow, here’s something to think about….re…going bald or other stuff everyone gets angst attacks over. Imagine a world where your soul, life, Spirit, heart….call it what you will….. was beyond judgment. By that I mean you see the world in a way that makes it impossible for you to feel “bad”. People can still judge you to be weaker or poorer or smaller or more bald than others of course. But in your heart-of-hearts you know your life is worth as much as any life. In a world like that, you could be bald as a billiard ball or weak as a wet noodle….and still have infinite self-worth. No matter that you’re poor as the church’s resident mouse or less capable than the handicapped boy down the street. Always you feel good about yourself. Sounds like some kind of Fantasia from Disney? It’s actually the world we live in. All we have to do is look at it differently to get that kind of stupendous and invincible self-esteem. Ciao Ian. John Duffield
Hi John. Great comment, and yes, it is the world we live in if we choose it.
Reminds me of the (short) Rumi poem:
“Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing, there is a field; I’ll meet you there.”
See you there!
I read the comments above and what it says is true and valid, but being a lady I associate my hair with being feminin. I have been brought up in a society that associates beauty in women with gorgeous long locks and as much as I try to look past that I cant help feeling truely devastated. When you watch a movie you will many a time see the hero with very short hair or a shaved head, but you will hardly ever see that with the feminine lead. I do feel judged, and I have tried so many different remedies from having vitamin injections in the head, to rogaine, to these various shampoos and conditioners and nothing helps. Every morning there are the hairs on the pillow, the clumps that fall out in the shower, the fallen few on the clothes and floor and my hairloss or my attempt to conceal my hairloss is constantly on my mind. I am in my mid 20′s and im horrified at whats going to happen to my appearence in the next 2,5,10 years. I used to be and feel so confident, I really could have taken over the world, and now I feel different, I lost something, and im not going to get that back. I remember jogging and the feeling of my thick curls bouncing behind my back, I remember twisting my long hair and feeling how thick and strong that hair rope was.